Consequences
by pitstruckin
Summary: Everything through 606 is the same as on-screen. In this fic, there was no fake pregnancy or miscarriage. Tara is in fact pregnant with Baby Teller #3. Despite Jax's reassurances, Tara does in fact get convicted for her role in Pamela Toric's murder. Her life will never be the same. Where do they go from here? Can their love survive the guilt?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is not the fic I promised when I concluded Beginnings. This is a completely different fic that I couldn't get out of my head, lol. As most of you know, I am big on sticking to the characters history and timeline. So everything through 606 is the same as on-screen. In this fic, there was no fake pregnancy or miscarriage. Tara is in fact pregnant with Baby Teller #3. Despite Jax's reassurances, Tara is in fact convicted for her role in the Pamela Toric murder. This fic shows an esteemed doctor losing her career and a big part of her life. Can the Jax and Tara love survive? Is there any coming back from the loss and guilt to find their way through this mess?** **It promises to be angsty folks. Hope you enjoy! AS ALWAYS SUTTER OWNS THESE AWESOME CHARACTERS, I'M JUST PLAYING AROUND WITH THEM A BIT ;)**

**August 2013**

"Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller, you are hereby sentenced to be remanded to the Stockton County Department of Corrections for women for a period of six years."

The words ran on continuous play in the young woman's mind as there was hardly anything else to think about inside this place. She pushes the thoughts of Jax's tortured shout of "NO!" that followed the verdict. Tara must file that into the "do not think about if possible" part of her brain. She had her precious boys filed there as well but it was useless. She couldn't _not_ think of them. This was all of her worst fears playing out like a heartbreaking tragedy. This was exactly why she left Charming all those years ago. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she'd eventually end up here. It was the price of having an outlaw for a soulmate. If it wouldn't be a sign of weakness, she'd give in to the sobs that were constantly threatening to escape.

"Doc!" The prison guard broke her from her thoughts. She cringed at the name, they all called her doc around here. They loved to rub it in the fact that an esteemed doctor was now a convicted felon. "You have visitors." Unlocking the cell door and waiting for her to put her hands in front of her, the guard mutters, "Again," as she places the metal cuffs around her wrists. She stands there stoically as the guard pats her down for any contraband or smuggled goods. Visitors implied more than one, letting her know that it was her husband along with her boys. If it was just Jax, she would be inclined to deny the visit. Her husband had her scheme figured out though so he rarely attempted to come alone now. Walking down the cold, impersonal corridor Tara tries to find peace in Lowen's confidence. She swore that it was good news to be guilty of the accomplice to murder charge versus the conspiracy to commit murder charge. She said it was less jail time and an earlier possibility of parole. But looking at the bland gray walls, Tara finds it hard to find any peace or comfort but that all changes at the sound of another name someone is calling her.

This someone has an excited voice and Tara can't help but smile at Abel's jubilant, "MOMMY!" In her excitement, she almost forgets to wait for the cuffs to be removed and her smile lessens. Automatically, she meets Jax's gaze and realizes he noticed her fumble as well, thankfully Abel did not and Tara soon finds her arms full of her very excited, newly-turned five year old.

"Hi, baby!" She smiles as she inhales his scent. "Someone have ice cream already this morning?" She glances at the clock to check the time. It didn't make sense, even though clocks weren't housed in the cells, she was well aware of when visiting hours were. Every Wednesday and Saturday 10AM-11AM.

"Chucky." Jax shrugs, almost in an apology as he stands. With both boys between them, he's only able to give her a side hug and he has to tamper down his anger at the fact that he can't even touch his wife the way he wants to. At least that is what he's blaming the anger on and not the fact that she didn't lean into his side hug or attempt to embrace him at all.

Tara sits Abel down on the bench and reaches for Thomas. "Hello, baby." She whispers with a kiss to his head. Jax takes a seat when he realizes that his wife has no intention of making physical contact with him at all and she soon follows suit, sitting across from him.

"Are you okay in here?" He whispers huskily.

It takes an effort not to roll her eyes. This is the same conversation they have weekly. "I'm fine." She takes a deep breath but doesn't meet his gaze as she prepares for his next question.

"And the baby?" She finally looks at him but he's looking at her stomach and the tiny bump he can probably make out beneath her orange uniform.

"Fine, too, I think." She tries to smile, for the boys if not anything else.

"Are you sure?" He pushes. Usually, he doesn't push so she's a bit taken aback.

"Prenatal care in here sucks." She replies, honesty making the words clipped. "But I have no reason to think anything other than the baby is ok."

Finally they are looking at each other and the storm is brewing between icy blue orbs and olive green orbs. There was a time when they could have an entire conversation with no words, just their eyes. Now, those very orbs hide so much pain and lies behind them that it would take forever to figure it out. And forever is a luxury they no longer have.

"Look mommy!" Abel breaks the tension. "I colored this for you!" He colored the picture of a t-rex when they left last week and hasn't stopped talking about how he was saving it for mommy since.

"Thank you." She kisses the top of his head and pulls him close. "I love it and I love you." Jax's heart breaks as his son basks in his mother's love. Tara clears her throat and looking over Abel's head softly asks Jax, "I thought we decided you wouldn't keep bringing them here?"

"We didn't decide." He clears his throat and leans across the table into her a bit. "You suggested. I disagreed." He takes a deep breath. "They need to see you, Tara." And you need to see them, he wants to add.

"They shouldn't be here. In this place." She sighs and like clockwork, alarms start going off and a lockdown is issued. "Shit!" She groans, expecting her visit to come to an abrupt halt. "This is my point," she shrugs, "this is no place for them to be."

Jax watches as three guards share words and then one takes off, leaving two to secure the visiting area. He looks around and notes the panic visible on the other visitor's faces. "How often do you go on lockdown?" He asks.

"What?" She leans across, trying to hear him, but she swears the alarms are getting louder. Abel covers his ears and scoots as close as possible to his mother while Thomas starts screaming. She can't help but absorb his anxiety. Unfortunately for the boys, they were stuck here too. She tries to calm both boys as best as possible and feels like a failure more and more with each wail Thomas lets out. Abel, her sweet boy, calms in her embrace. "I'm so sorry babies." She sniffles but refuses to give into the tears. As the alarms quiet, so does Thomas and both parents are thankful.

"I'm trying to get you out of here, Tara." His voice is full of emotion.

"You can't." She has to swallow the lump in her throat that is a result of his thick voice. "The best I can hope for is probation in a few years. That's not fair to you or the boys." Christ, she felt like this conversation was always the same. And why the hell were her boys still in Charming? Everything she had done was to secure their freedom from the poisonous town in the event of her arrest. She decides to feel Jax out a bit, "School is starting soon. Have you gotten anything in the mail from Pilgrim Grove?"

"Uh….no, not anything I've seen." He admits, obviously mentally thinking of the mail he's looked at. "I've been kind of busy, babe." He admits sheepishly.

"Well, I already paid the deposit." She huffs. "I want Abel to go there. You agreed." She gives into the memory a bit.

_Jax had come home that evening and saw her looking through all sorts of booklets at the kitchen table. "What's this, babe?" He asks, dropping a kiss to her neck. _

"_Kindergarten curriculum and stuff. I had no idea it was such a big deal." She smiles up at him in exasperation. "There are so many options. I don't want to screw this up. I mean this is our son's education. And do you know some of these places have a wait list and require deposits?" _

"_Seriously?" He asks, looking in the microwave and is excited to see that she saved him a plate for dinner. "It's kindergarten! Seems kinda ridiculous to me." _

"_I thought so too at first." She grins as he heats up his plate and she starts making piles for the paperwork so there is room for him to sit with his plate. "But times are changing. All this technology and stuff, completely different from when we were growing up." _

"_Somethings maybe." He grins, when the microwave beeps and he pulls out a can of soda before sitting across from her. "Bet you our boy comes home with his first crush the first week of school." _

"_Ugh, really Jax?" She tries in vain to roll her eyes in disgust. "He's still my baby."_

"_He's my boy, isn't he?" The smirk he gives is full of youth. "I'm telling you, babe. Watch." _

"_I have something you can tell me." She grins, knowing his mind will take him someplace naughty. "I've narrowed the choice down to these two." She pushes two piles of paperwork his way and he groans. "Help me pick which one." _

"_You gonna help me out with something in the bedroom when we're done?" There is definitely a plea in that question. _

"_Maybe." She replies saucily but the foot she runs up his leg is a dead giveaway. Jackson Teller will have his way with his wife as soon as they settle on a school for their oldest son. _

"I did agree, babe." Jax tries to smile. He honestly did forget. His days are spent trying to juggle everything and everyone within his family and his club. Every waking minute he is trying to come up with something to get her out of this hellhole. "I'll figure it out. Abel will start school with the rest of the kids."

It wasn't really what she wanted to hear. She didn't want her boys near Charming at all but if they had to be there, she wanted Abel to be exposed to options other than SAMCRO as soon as possible. "I can't believe they haven't mailed anything." She notes. "Has your mom been going through our mail?" Gemma definitely wouldn't be happy with their choice of education for Abel.

He takes an uncomfortable deep breath as Thomas tugs on Tara's hair. Shit between his mom and his wife was tense to say the least. "Possibly." He admits. "I'll get everything figured out. I promise."

You promised me I wouldn't go to jail too and look where I am, the words are on the tip of her tongue. It takes everything in her not to throw them in his face. Suddenly Abel looks up from his new drawing, "Maybe Wendy has your mail mommy."

"Wendy?" The stiffness in her posture and the change in breathing is noticeable to Jax a mile away. "Why would Wendy have our mail?"

Tara's icy glare meets his dead on and he is confused. Wasn't Wendy what she wanted? "She's been watching the boys, helping Gemma."

"Helping Gemma?" Tara squeezes the top of her nose, trying to tamp down her anger in the presence of her children. "The whole point of Wendy being near them was so Grandma wasn't." She bites out the words through clenched teeth.

"What?" He sighs in frustration, nothing he did anymore was the right thing. "I thought that was the whole point of all that guardianship shit you had going on? If something happened I thought you wanted Wendy to step up and help out?" Otherwise, that pathetic junkie wouldn't be near his kids. He was just trying to fulfill Tara's wishes, do something for her when he felt so useless otherwise.

The anger and frustration that rises in her makes her want to destroy something. She can just envision these two running her house like they own it, running her family, wait…was Wendy running her husband too? If not now, how long before she was? The small alarm sounds letting them know visiting hour is over in five minutes. "Tell Lowen I need to see her." She tells her husband. "Now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tara, I hear you." Lowen says in the attorney/client room of the jail. "But you need to calm down."

"Calm down?" Perhaps she would be calmer if Lowen hadn't waited 24 hours before coming. What part of "now" had Lowen or Jax confused? "What the hell is Wendy doing?"

"I'm not sure." The lawyer admits. "When I saw her at Lumpy's last week, I asked her and she said that she didn't want to take the boys from Gemma or Jax."

"It's not about Jax." Tara sighs. "So, what suddenly all her bitching about me getting the boys out means nothing? All the shit she's written about Gemma and SAMCRO doesn't mean anything?"

"Her written testimony won't mean too much is she disputes it." Lowen replies sadly. "She can just claim that you coerced her or that she wrote it in anger and it isn't true…anything like that."

"I didn't coerce shit!" A sob releases. "My boys are going to get sucked into this hell. I know it." A tear escapes. "If they even make it out alive." She remembers the clubhouse exploding and Jax narrowly making it out with Abel. She was livid, her anger at Gemma, Wendy, SAMCRO, and Jax tangible but most of all she was angry at herself. Her love for Jackson Teller made her weak. Once she found out that she was in fact carrying their child, she could no longer go through with her plans of a fake miscarriage. She couldn't bring herself to rat out the crimes of Jax and the club to the DA. No, the reason Tara Knowles-Teller was behind bars and her boys were getting sucked into SAMCRO was on her and her love for Jax. She vowed to herself to never make that mistake again. If by some miracle, she ever had another opportunity presented to save her boys she would take it, no matter who was hurt in the crossfire. "Do you still have the written testimony Wendy gave you?"

"Of course." Her attorney assures her. "It's in your case file. But like I said…it's useless without her backing it up."

"I understand." The mentally exhausted mother nods. "You should make a few copies. Store them in various safe locations. You know, just in case."

"Oooookay." Lowen hesitantly asks, "What about your testimony?"

"Shred it." Tara replies with an empty look in her eyes. "And then burn it."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, I don't own these complex characters. Sutter does. Rated M for language. **

**CHAPTER 2**

"What the hell are you doing, Jackson?" Gemma asks as she walks through his front door and looks at paperwork and mail sprawled all over the counters and kitchen table.

"Have you seen anything from Pilgrim Grove come in the mail?" He asks without sparing her a glance. He would be visiting Stockton in two days and knows he better have some information regarding this.

"Pilgrim Grove?" She questions, her voice just an octave above normal. In fact, most wouldn't even hear the change.

"The school Tara and I are sending Abel to." He raises his knowing blue eyes to her brown.

"No….I haven't seen anything." Gemma starts piling the assorted mail. "But I can just take him down to the elementary school and get the required forms. No big deal."

"It is a big deal." He huffs as Abel comes running from his room with his giant giraffe. "What's up, monster?"

"Can we take giraffe to see mommy?" Abel smiles. "He misses her too."

Jax takes a deep breath as he prepares to answer his son. But Gemma speaks first, "No, baby, giraffes aren't allowed."

"But he's not a _realllll_ giraffe." Abel rolls his eyes. "Please, daddy!" Abel tugs on his father's flannel.

"I'm sorry, monster." The worn out father kneels to his son's level. "I bet mommy misses him too. But they won't let real _or_ fake giraffes visit." He ruffles Abel's hair. "How about we draw her a picture instead?"

"Fine!" Abel pouts, climbing into a chair.

"No need for an attitude, little man." Gemma states firmly as she ruffles her oldest grandson's hair.

"He's fine." Jax corrects. How in the hell did she expect the five year old to act? Jax was a grown man and wanted to go around throwing objects and killing people until his wife came back to him. "We already reserved Abel's spot with a non-refundable deposit to Pilgrim Grove." He brings the conversation back where it was. "Tara has already met with one of his teachers." Briefly, he recalls that she liked the woman.

"Fine!" The matriarch sounds astonishingly like her grandson in that moment. "I'll have Wendy stop by there and see what needs to be done."

"No, one of us can handle it." The MC President corrects. Wendy was helping out, fine. But she damn sure wouldn't be assuming Tara's role in Abel's life, not while there was a breath of life in him. He made a promise to Tara. Abel will never call another woman mommy. He's failed his wife many times and reneged on so many promises but he will never fail her on this, he vows. "Keep Wendy close." He leaves no room for argument as he puts his kutte on. "Make sure she isn't alone with them." He kisses Abel on the forehead. "See you tonight! Be good for grandma and help with Tommy." Abel does not reply.

"I will, baby." Gemma hugs her son at the door. "You should be proud of her, Wendy is really stepping up."

Jax rolls his eyes, he knows how that shit goes. Good only lasts temporarily with Wendy, until the next shit storm comes. "Tara is Abel's mother." Jax whispers as he kisses him mother on the cheek. "It's best that_ no one_ forgets that."

Gemma knows that she had to cater to her son's plans for now. He was talking a good game a month or so into Tara's sentence. However, months would turn into years and she had no doubt her son was not up for that. He would need someone and Tara would never be able to live with that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Her hand was fucked, permanently, she was sure. Tara laughed, not that it mattered. Her career was over, all that schooling, hard work, heartbreak, sleepless nights….gone. And for what? She had to acknowledge that even being able to save one life, especially her precious Abel, was more than worth everything she had gone through. If that was the only thing, her one accomplishment in life, than it was all worth it.

Oh God, Abel and Thomas. She was so used to being alone. The quiet was always like a balm for her, familiar and welcomed. She knew she'd miss them, all of them, even her husband and their fractured marriage. Hell, she was the one who pushed Jax to stop bringing the boys. He refused to listen to her of course. Tara had her doubts though about his reasoning. Jax claimed the boys needed to see her, and on some level she knew that he was being truthful. However, she knows her husband, knows him to his core, and bringing the boys was his surefire way to see her for himself.

Having her visiting privileges revoked for thirty days shouldn't hurt this bad. But it did. She missed her boys, all of them. That pain in her right hand paled in comparison to her heartache.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Melinda enjoyed her position with Rosen and Associates. It was what she considered a "gravy" job, basically answering phones and taking messages with the occasional filing thrown in, all for a comfortable $12/hour plus a sweet benefit package. It allowed her a lot of time to play on Facebook, tweet, and text…as she was currently doing. Charming was a small town, so even though Rosen and his associates primarily handled criminal defense, Melinda was rarely ever uncomfortable or shocked. That was, until a crazed Jackson Teller, with two small children, stormed into the office. He wasn't wearing the kutte that he was famous for in the quaint town but he looked more intimidating that she could ever remember seeing him. "Where's Lowen?" He demands, carrying the youngest boy and holding the hand of a miniature replica of himself.

"A…away on business, Mr. Teller." Melinda stutters, dear God, even angry those eyes had the power to make her think about dropping to her knees right here. Holy hell! What kind of a person has these thoughts in front of children? "I can certainly tell her you dropped by when she checks in later today."

He has to take a controlled breath and remind himself that his children are with him and do not need see any behavior that will warrant an arrest. "Where's Rosen?" He demands, never responding to the receptionists offer.

"Oh….well he's in a meeting." Her eyes involuntarily move to her boss' closed door. "He should actually be…" What in the hell was this man doing? "Mr. Teller!?" Melinda shrieks, moving from behind her desk and chasing the handsome, angry man.

Not waiting another second longer, Jax takes his boys and storms into Rosen's office. "They aren't allowing visitors." He states, throwing open the door.

"What in the hell?" Rosen demands in shock.

"Tara!" Perhaps if Jax gave a shit, he could take in the stunned client in the lawyer's office however, he truly does not care. "You need to get your ass over to county, right now and figure this shit out…."

"I'm with a client, Teller." Rosen has finally recovered from his shock. "In case, Melinda did not inform you." Jax notes the harshness in the boss' eyes as the client stand. "Please, sit down. Mr. Teller is going to _wait_ in the _waiting room_ while we finish our appointment."

Like hell he was, "This can't wait."

"Charles, it is no problem." Jacob Hale chuckles. "We'll discuss this another time. Over lunch, perhaps?" Seeing that the interrupted client was Hale, made Jax feel even less guilt over bothering the two men. "Teller, give Tara my best."

It was a testament to just how he has matured over the years that Jax didn't ram his first into Hale's face. Ugh, those damn Hale's, at least David always cared about Tara, Jacob only cares about himself. The man was fine for getting the things like property and permits needed for business but other than that, Jax had no use for him.

"Now that you've officially ran off my client, what do you want Jax?" Rosen asks, sitting down.

Jax sits down with Thomas on his lap. "I want you to go to county and see Tara, figure out what the hell is going on." He tries to sound calm but isn't sure he's successful. A thought enters his head for the first time since leaving county that perhaps he shouldn't have brought the boys with him.

"Melinda, maybe now would be a good time for you to do your job." The exasperated lawyer sighs. "Can you take the boys and give them some coloring sheets or something?"

"Uh…yes, sure thing sir." The meek receptionist is clearly flustered as she makes her way from the door over to Jax with her arms out to pick up Thomas.

"I'll be right out Abel." Jax watches his sons over his shoulder until the door is closed. "Don't be mad at her." He smirks as he meets the other man's eyes. "She tried to stop me."

"Ally is handling Tara's case." Rosen reminds the MC President.

"I know but isn't that the benefit of a partnership?" No longer caring if he comes off as desperate, he asks, "Can't you get in to see Tara too?"

"Yes." Knowing Jax most of his life left Rosen with the knowledge that he at the very least had to hear the man out. At the most, and let's be honest, the most would be required here, he'd have to handle the situation. "What exactly is going on?"

"The boys and I went to see Tara this morning, like we do every Saturday." He rubs his face in irritation and tugs at his beard, trying not to think of how his wife loved to play with it. "They said she's on restriction for thirty days."

"She was probably involved in a fight or something." He wasn't sure why he needed to spell this out for the convicted felon himself. "Jax, you know how it is in there." The professional inside him tries hard to ignore the anguish that takes over the other man's face. "These things are going to happen. Last I heard…."

"I know what happens." The way he has to clear his throat belittles the threatening look in his eyes just a bit. "I know exactly what happens in there. That's why I need to get her out of there. I'm trying everything I can possibly come up with but all my angles are coming up empty. I just….I need to know she's okay, for now….that's what I need."

"Ok…" Everyone in town, whether you knew one of the two of them personally or not, knows the "love story" of Jax and Tara, "Tara can handle her own though, Jax." Her cat-fighting, teenage years were kind of notorious.

"I know she can." The husband quickly acknowledges. His wife sure as shit could hold her own, one on one. He worries about all the other things, unfair fights and corrupt guards. "But she's pregnant and probably not on top of her game." He knew his girl would worry about their baby over herself and while he loved that about her, given the situation she was in, it made him worry even more.

"I'll drop by tomorrow-"

"NO! Not tomorrow." What was so hard to fucking understand? "Today. Now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

2 weeks later…..

Letter after letter, the words just came pouring out of her soul. She writes of how her broken-heart is so bitter, so angry. How could the one person who has vowed to always love her, protect her, fail her now? How was it that he chose this life time and time again over her and their boys? She thinks she may hate him in these moments. Then the guilt comes because Tara knows with every fiber of her being that he loves her. That in his mind his family is the most important thing, which he is always trying to protect her, their boys, his brothers. There is no distinction in Jax's mind, they all hold the utmost importance to him. This life was thrust upon him at the hands of his parents before he could even form an independent thought. She knows she will never be able to hate him. But will she ever be able to forgive him?

Even stuck in this cell, with no connection to the outside world, she can feel his pain, his desperation. She isn't a fool, she knows that the disconnect, the pain, and the desperation will send him into the arms of another woman. He's always needed contact in a way she never understood until now, until she was forced to be cut off from it. She'd give anything to sit across from him and not know what to say now.

Her boys. Her heart aches to see them, touch them, and smell them. She meant everything she told Jax. This was not how she wants the boys to remember her, to see her like this. JT did a six year bid when Jax was young. Gemma brought Jax to every visiting day. That's what you do in this life apparently. It was what she did when Jax was inside for fourteen months. It worked for them though, they needed that family connection. It's easy for Tara to acknowledge that the weekly visits alone and the weekly visits with the kids helped her stay connected to Jax in a way that she desperately missed at the time. Fourteen months seemed like a piece of cake compared to six years. Oh God, what if she serves every minute of that sentence?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He is used to each day bringing a measure of fear. It is how things have been most of his adult life, certainly after Tara left Charming and he thrust himself fully into the MC world. Not that he wasn't before but after losing Tara, Jax no longer had that cautiousness about him. It is what made him such a fearless Vice President and now President. When Tara came back, she both increased and alleviated his fears. She increased them tenfold because she was definitely his weakness, adversaries would know how to break him now. He lived without her for eleven years in a haze of pussy and partying that he now knew he couldn't go back to. But Tara always healed the bad shit. She was able to take away every pain, every fear that he's ever known. When Rosen stops by the Scoops unannounced, Jax hates the instantaneous fear that grips his chest. "What's wrong?" He demands, leaving Bobby at the counter with the paperwork they were going over.

"Heading over to see Tara and just wanted you to know that I filed the motion for Ally." Rosen assures his client.

"Motion for what?" His curiosity is piqued.

"Uh…I assumed since it was drawn up that Ally or Tara mentioned it…." The three piece suit hesitates.

Tara doesn't tell him shit anymore. But Jax wasn't about to admit that to anyone. "Lowen hasn't told me anything about a motion or paperwork."

"Probably because it is a long shot and she didn't want you to get your hopes up." Rosen shrugs. "Shit, Tara might not even know then. I'll fill her in, see where her head is with it."

His frustrated growl comes just before he asks, "With what?"

"Stockton runs a special ward for expectant mothers." At Jax's confused look, Rosen continues, "They get special privileges, can keep the baby with them for up to eighteen months. It's still prison and it still sucks but it is better than gen pop. You'd get two visits a week, two hours at a time, big play area to bring the boys and such."

It sounded amazing to Jax. "Why didn't anyone mention this before?" He was willing to bet that they wouldn't have to deal with lockdowns and restrictions in this "special" ward.

"Like I said, it's a long shot." The lawyer shrugs again. "Only non-violent offenders are approved. And the motion is usually filed at sentencing or at the very least put on record."

"Tara's not violent."

"She can be." Rosen gives Jax a you-must-be-shitting-me smirk. "The felony speaks for itself, Jax."

"If it's such a long shot why is Lowen bothering?" There had to be some way to make this happen.

"Not sure." He admits. "I'll ask her later when we conference call." Ally has been expanding the practice up north a bit, so much in fact that they are considering opening up a firm there as well.

"How many people weigh into this decision?" The wheels are already turning in his head of how he can make this happen. He failed Tara with her trial. He will NOT fail her again.

"Whatever you're thinking, DON'T!" Rosen warns. "It backfires and Tara pays the price." He looks at his watch. "And speaking of Tara….I need to go."

"Wait!" Jax pulls a burner phone from his pocket. "Take this, have Tara call me."

"Tara doesn't strike me as the hides-shit-in-her-body-cavity-type." The lawyers face crunches up.

He can't help it, Jax lets out a laugh. "She's not. But you can get it in the room with her, right?" Rosen gives him an incredulous look in response. "I just need to hear from her that she's okay."

"The shit I do for you, Teller." He huffs

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Babe?" His anticipation in his voice soothes her.

"Yea, it's me." Tara whispers.

"Thank God." Jax sighs with a breath that he feels like he's been holding for weeks. "What the hell happened? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

A big part of her wants to say "fuck you" and hang up. The complex fact remains that Jackson Teller still owns her soul and she can hear how insane this is making him. "Got into a fight. I'm fine. Baby too."

"Yea?" She can hear a small smile in his voice. "You sure, babe?"

"I'm sure." She ignores another smart-ass reply on the tip of her tongue. She would never send him the letters that spoke the raw honesty of her heart but she could give him this one thing. Just this one glimpse and then she would put her walls back up, Tara promises herself. "He or she is finally moving."

"Yea?" That's said with a full megawatt smile now, she's sure. "She, babe. And she's already as stubborn as mommy." His words remind her of a time a few months ago when he first told her they were having a girl. At the time he said she would be smart and beautiful, just like her.

The infirmary sent her for an ultrasound after the fight as a precaution but they weren't concerned with finding out the sex of the baby at all. She knew she wouldn't be getting another one as long as things went smoothly. "We'll see, Teller." She sighs, walls once again fully erect. "I gotta go. Kiss the boys for me. And tell Abel to keep the pictures coming."

* * *

[Ma1]


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:I apologize for the long wait! First, my muse was working on my yet to be posted fic (that I mentioned at the end of Beginnings). Second, I was having WiFi issues (That struggle was real. What did we do before WiFi? LOL). I hope you enjoy. I'm posting Chapter 3 and 4 at the same time to make up for the delay, lol. See? I was working on my fics even though I couldn't post ;)  
**

**Chapter 3**

He felt like a kid headed to the candy store. Finally after a long month, he was headed to see his girl. Jax thought about leaving the boys behind, selfishly he wants Tara to himself. However, they missed her and he knew she desperately missed them. To be honest, he wasn't sure she would accept a visit from him alone. Breaking from his thoughts, he looks at the boys in his rearview and smiles. The excitement is practically radiating off of Abel as it is him. "Excited to see Mommy, monster?"

"Uh-huh!" Abel smiles. "I miss Mommy this much!" He stretches his arms as wide as they go, promptly smacking his brother in the head. "Sorry, stinky monkey!" The tone in his voice tells his father he isn't too sorry.

"Me too, buddy, me too." Jax replies softly, turning off on the exit that takes him to his heart.

Her hair is longer than the last time he saw her but the bags under her eyes are new, or at the very least more pronounced. While she's waiting to get uncuffed and he's practically restraining Abel, his eyes pick up on her re-bandaged hand. "MOMMY!" Suddenly, no longer held tight enough, Abel is off like a rocket, running to his mother. "I missed you this much!"

With arms wide open Tara easily picks him up. "I missed you too." She releases a sob, unable to stop herself. "So much! Can you stop growing so fast?" She teases, although it sounds like a plea to Jax.

"Nope, I can't." The kindergartener answers seriously.

"Why not?" She asks, as she grabs Thomas from Jax.

Jax doesn't give her time to make a hasty retreat away from him, grabbing her quickly he wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her to him, whispering "I missed you, babe."

She sobs quietly as Abel continues talking. "Because I eat like a bog boy and I go to sleep and then I get bigger."

Jax gives her a kiss on top of her head and she's thankful her hair blocks her face from view as she struggles to pull herself together. "Well then I don't ever want you to stop growing." She clears her throat as she sits down with Thomas on her lap and Abel snuggled against her side. "Eating and sleeping are very important things for our bodies."

"How bad is the hand?" He asks before she can get roped into another conversation with their lively five year old.

"No worse than before." She shrugs. "It'll be fine."

Jax picks her hand up and kisses the fingers that are left exposed where the ace bandage is wrapped. "You always did pack a mean right hook," he teases.

"Shut it, Teller." She smiles at him. With his blue eyes twinkling at her and their boys between them it is almost easy to pretend that they are just a normal mom and dad living a regular life.

Reality hits her like a ton of bricks when a guard walks their way. Tara suppresses a laugh, she swears this lady reminds her of the head mistress from the movie Matilda that Ellie roped her into watching once while babysitting. "Keep the touching to a minimum, Teller." She warns sternly before walking away.

Really? What the hell is this chick's problem? He can't help it, he snickers. "She reminds me of a lady from some movie Ellie used to watch on repeat." He explains to Tara.

"I know." She laughs and nods. "Matilda." The two share a laugh as the boys look at them in confusion. Neither would have any clue of this movie otherwise. "Ellie made me watch it once when you were in jail. And she has the same personality as that lady."

That lady was a bitch! Suddenly he turns serious. "Are they….is she being mean to you in here?"

His wife looks at him incredulously. He has been to prison, he should know how it is. "No one is nice in this shithole."

"Awwww, mommy you said a baaaaaad word!" Abel gasps.

Funny, considering her son was around bikers, crow eaters, and Gemma all day long. "You're right, I did. I'm sorry, buddy."

"It's ok, Mommy." He grins and pushes his drawings towards her and Thomas reaches for Jax.

He's trying not to be a dick, nor take too much of her little time with the boys but he hasn't seen his wife in a month and he knows he has to pull information from her because she doesn't give anything up willingly. "Why didn't you mention the different ward for pregnant mothers?"

"Because it isn't going to happen." She shrugs. Leave it to him to make her feel guilty, as though she's the only one keeping secrets in their marriage. "Lowen and Rosen both pretty much said it's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible." He corrects as Thomas tugs on Tara's hair. "Shit, babe….let me help."

She notices that Abel doesn't bother correcting his father's bad word. Of course, she thinks, rolling her eyes. She winces as Jax tries to gently pull her hair from the toddler's grasp. Once he succeeds, he takes Thomas from her. "Stay out of this, please Jackson." She already has the guards picking on her for being a doctor and his old lady. She doesn't need to borrow more trouble in here. "Besides, I'm not sure how I feel about it." She admits.

"Why not?" He asks, desperate to keep the conversation going, even if it is selfish. "It sounds awesome to me."

"It sounds self-centered to me." She ah's over Abel's "amazing" artwork and promises to hang it in her "room" before she admits to him, "This baby deserves to be with his or her family out in the real world."

"You are her family too." He reminds her with a smirk, knowing how the use of the pronoun drives her crazy. "And you're going to want to breastfeed and do all the other things you did with Thomas and with Abel." He remembers how she just took on the role of Abel's mom immediately. She would get up for the nighttime feedings without him even hearing his son. He'd find her in the nursery, rocking and singing softly to the newborn. In those moments, his heart would swell impossibly bigger for the woman who loved him enough to take on a kid he had with a junkie.

"It's not fair to you or the boys." She smiles sadly as she watches their sons. "And how confusing will that be for them? Oh, mommy can't keep you in here but I can keep the new baby?"

"I say we go for it." He encourages. "We'll get through it like we do everything else. It's the best thing…you're the best thing," he reinforces, "for our daughter."

"What are you going to do when he's a boy?" She asks, trying to move on from the topic at hand.

"Love him." He smirks. "But it doesn't matter, we're having a girl." Meeting her eyes he informs her, "I know these things."

In this moment, he is every bit of the cocky boy she fell in love with at sixteen. The boy he was before the MC, or more accurately Gemma, sucked him into a life of chaos. "You don't know that." She grins, feeling lighter than she has in months. "Did you get the school stuff figured out?"

"Yes!" He grins, happy that he's making her happy. "Abel will officially start kindergarten Tuesday."

"At Pilgrim Grove?" She asks wearily.

"Yup, made sure everything was still good to go." He eases her mind. Truthfully, he handled it himself because he doubted his mother's desire to handle it. "Took Abel with me and he met one of his teachers."

"Really?" She smiles her their oldest. "What was her name?"

"Ms. Harrison." He replies instantly, making his mother happy. If he so easily remembers her name then perhaps things will go smoothly.

"Was she nice?" Tara met her already and she got a good vibe off the woman so she really hoped Abel connected with her as well.

"Uh-huh." He nods seriously. "She said she knows you."

"She does." The mother explains. "I met her when I signed you up awhile back. I liked her so I'm glad you do too." She clears her throat and asks Jax, "What did you tell her?" It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what she's referring to.

"The truth." He replies wearily. "I didn't want to lie." His eyes go to Abel so Tara can make the connection. Jax felt it better to be honest and upfront rather than Abel blurt it out later. Besides, the trail had been mentioned in the local newspaper.

The embarrassment is clear on Tara's face. "How did that go?"

How was he supposed to respond to that? He didn't want to tell her that the lady was shocked and a bit horrified even though she hid it well. "Said she'll be understanding with our monster."

"Ah, good." She snuggles her boy a bit, determined to wallow in her own misery later, when she's alone. "Make sure you take lots of pictures for mommy." She says, eyes pointedly directed to her husband. It is easy for Tara to remember Abel's ambivalence about daycare when he started. He held onto her like she was his lifeline. She smiled patiently at the attendant but was secretly thrilled that her boy was so attached. Most doctors she dealt with had a live in nanny for their children. But not her, never her, she always wanted to raise her own family. Give all their kids what she never had as a child. "Be brave on your first day. You're going to meet a lot of new faces and see some new places. It may be scary at first but I promise you'll like it. Okay, monster?"

Jax wants to sob as he takes in the scene. Tara was always putting their family above herself. Even now, when she was in so much pain, she was worried about Abel. "Okay, mommy." Abel grins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't believe I'm helping you with this." Rosen mentally cringes as he lays Tara's file on his desk. "Ally would be smart enough to tell you no."

"Guess it is a good thing she's too busy for Tara's case." Jax smirks but Rosen isn't fooled. He hears the underlying hostility.

"She presented a through case, Jax." He clarifies. "The evidence was damaging and being married to a convicted felon didn't help Tara."

Jax rakes his hand through his hair, tugging it along the way in frustration. Did everyone think he was stupid? He knows this lands on him. He wants to cripple under the guilt except that Tara would hate him more for bailing on their boys. "I'm aware of how I've failed my wife and family." He reigns in his temper. "I tried too late to help her. I'm not going to fail her now." It was just unfathomable to him that any jury would convict a doctor for Christ sake. Outside of their teenage wildness, Tara had no criminal record. Apparently, being married to him was an automatic conviction.

Damnit, he doesn't operate a family therapy office. Rosen is determined to hand this case back to Lowen as soon as possible. "Tara is the first to admit that she made her own choices." In fact, he'll take three of his partner's cases just to get rid of this one. "If this backfires, have you thought about what will happen to her?" The lawyer clears his throat. "I'm mean, you think shit is rough now…."

"It won't backfire." The husband assures him. Sure, Tara made her own choices but she went to visit Otto to get SAMCRO out from RICO. She was there because of him and his MC. This time, he was going to play it cool, do his research and find a way to make this pregnancy ward happen for his wife.

"And then what, Jax?" Rosen loosens his tie. "She does her nine, twelve, I don't know whatever they approve her for and goes back to gen pop? What does that look like?"

"I don't know!" Frustration is apparent in the yell. "But it gives me the time to think about parole."

"Parole?" Jesus Christ, this case was going to kill him. Jax in jail would be better, sure Tara drove him kind of crazy when Jax was inside but she wasn't this bad. "Is now a bad time to remind you that she probably won't get out on her first try? We're looking three years…best case."

"YES!" Jax shouts, "Now is a very bad time to do that. In fact, why don't you just give me what I need and I'll be out of your hair."

Doubtful, Rosen thinks, and with a smirk stands, "I need to grab my lunch really quick." He pushes his case file over towards Jax. "Can I get you anything?"

"No." Jax rolls his eyes and adds, "Thank you," when Rosen hits the doorway. He thanks his lucky stars when he views the motion filed first thing, smiling when he realizes it was process and then sent to a different judge than the one who sentenced Tara.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

If he didn't see her car outside, he would have been surprised to see her in his kitchen. "Hey Wendy," he greets tentively. No matter what Tara or Gemma say, he just can't get comfortable with her being near his kids or in his house. "Where's my mom?"

"Diosa, I think." Wendy smiles as Abel hugs his father in the small entryway.

Wasn't he clear that Wendy not be left alone with the boys? "No one else is here?"

Wendy tries not to let his question bother her. "Rat was but then took off after a call."

"Well I'm home for the night." Knowing it wasn't a business related call, Jax determines that heads are going to roll. "You can take off."

"Umm…did you eat?" She pulls a dish out of the microwave. "I made hamburgers."

What the fuck was this shit? Wendy didn't even cook when they were married. And Tara was the only one who made and saved him meals in the microwave. "I ate."

"Oh, okay." She sighs and then makes a big production of throwing the food in the trash. "Guess I'll see you tomorrow."

He watches as she pulls a piece of paper from the dining room table that rarely ever gets used. "Where is the easel?" Tara's easel always sat down there. It always housed the latest piece she was working on. Briefly, he hopes she can still paint when she comes home, that there isn't too much damage to her hand for that at least.

Wendy looks at him in confusion but follows his eyes to the corner by the table. "Oh, I think Gemma put it your bedroom."

He sighs heavily. Why the hell is everyone touching shit in his house? "And what are you grabbing?"

"Relax." She smiles. Walking over to him, she holds the paper up. "It's just Abel's school supply list. I'm going to go shopping before I come by in the morning."

He grabs the paper, "Gemma can do it." For a minute she looks ready to argue with him. Everything about this is grating on his nerves. Wendy is just too domestic, in his house, in his life, for Jax's comfort. "Abel, can you go check on Thomas? Daddy will be right there." He would be the first to admit that he rarely made it home before the kids were in bed. A hands on father, he was not. Now he was wondering just how much time Wendy was spending with the kids. He waits for Abel to make it into the small living room before he asks, "Is your girlfriend okay with you spending so much time here?"

The way Wendy scratches her head, let's Jax know she's uncomfortable. "Why wouldn't she be? I'm with my son."

"My son." He corrects.

"What are you saying Jax?" She huffs. "That I can't help out anymore? Tara's okay with it, so what's the big deal?"

Tara wasn't okay with it. That was the big deal. He can't pinpoint it but knows it deep down. Maybe it is the way her eyes darken at the mention of the other woman or the way she becomes stiff and quiet. "I'm just saying that maybe you being here so much is confusing things."

"Abel's fine Jax, he…."

"He's not fine!" Jax interrupts in a loud whisper. "His mother is in jail. And I meant confusing for you, not him." Wendy looks at him with big, watery eyes. "Look…just….I don't know, maybe back off a bit."

"Fine!" And the front door slams with a sound that he made often, back in their miserable life together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

**October 2013**

"How was the pumpkin patch baby?" Tara sighs as she picks up her five year old. It was getting harder at twenty four weeks pregnant.

"Fun!" He smiles. "Can we go when you come home?" She hesitates answering him because she doesn't know when she will be home. He doesn't care and continues talking anyway, "Mommy boo-boo? Does it hurt?"

She wants to cry when he gently touches her face. The tender, concerned look in his young face is nearly her undoing. "Mommy fell but I'm okay."

"You're pregnant, Tara." Jax voice is laced with many emotions, none of them the good kind. She couldn't just be going around getting into fights in her condition. He hands Thomas to her as is their routine when she puts Abel down.

"I'm aware, Jackson." She hits him with a steely glare. "The baby's fine. It was an accident." He gives her an incredulous look. "Really." It was, she actually got hit with a punch meant for someone else. Rhonda, the chick who threw it, nearly cried when she realized Tara was the one who was hit. Apparently, Rhonda was never able to get pregnant and felt horrible for hitting a pregnant lady.

He had to get her out of here, out of gen pop at least, "Have you heard anything about the pregnancy ward?"

"Nope." She frowns when Thomas wants to go back to Jax. Her baby boy isn't attached to her anymore and it makes her heart hurt.

It doesn't go unnoticed by Jax. "He's probably just cranky. I woke him up from a nap in the truck."

Tara shrugs with a sad smile. "It's to be expected, I guess." Thomas was too young to miss her the same way Abel did. In a way she thinks that is a good thing. He's young, resilient, yet it hurts like hell.

"When should we know?" The conflicted father goes back to question at hand.

"Not sure." She sighs. "Haven't talked to Lowen or Rosen in a couple of weeks."

"Grandma has a boo-boo too." Abel interrupts.

"Oh, yeah?" Tara pretends to care. Maybe later she can envision herself giving Grandma a boo-boo.

"Yea, the mean man hit her!" Her son gasps dramatically. Jax sits up, ramrod straight as Tara gulps.

"What's he talking about?" Tara questions.

"I…I didn't know he saw anything, Tara." Jax pleads for her understanding. "I swear." He was going to kill his lying mother, provided Tara doesn't kill _him_ first. He thinks it is a distinct possibility with the glare she's sending him.

"Well clearly he did." She bites out through clenched teeth. Reason number five hundred and fifty prison visitation sucks, you can't even fight with your husband properly. "I want to know what happen. Right now." She demands.

"Some father came into Diosa. His daughter is an escort. Things got out of hand." Jax shrugs. "I took care of it."

She bets Jax took care of it. "Why is our son at Diosa?" The incredulous, anger is transparent in every word.

He stares blankly at her, knowing that any headway they've made recently was now gone. "I don't know, Tara." He whispers, waiting for her wrath, although he knows she can't give it to him the way she wants to.

"That doesn't even bother you? Our five year old is hanging out in a who…escort service?" She shakes her head on a sigh, "Of course not, it's exactly the kind of shit you were raised in." She sniffles, "Guess I'm the freak then."

"Mommy mad at me?" The innocent question breaks her heart.

"Never baby." She kisses his head and pulls him on her lap. "You didn't do anything wrong, Abel, I promise." She glares at Jax over his head. Anger at the situation, at him, and at herself for not being on the outside evident in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He mouths.

"I don't want him back there." She tells him icily, leaving no room for interpretation, "Ever."

"He won't be." The father adamantly promises.

"Where was Wendy?" She forces herself to ask. "Isn't she just helping out so much?" Just the thought of the other woman makes her sick but at least she wouldn't have the kids at a whorehouse, right?

"Working, I guess." Jax shrugs but his gaze doesn't meet hers. "And I'm not sure where Brooke was." He adds before she can ask.

"Brooke? The girl you hired at the ice cream shop?" The concerned mother wasn't sure how she felt about that. Jax said she had mental issues and that she trashed Tig's bike. "Is she safe?"

"She's medicated." Finally relaxing, he gives a small chuckle. "I promise, I have everything under control."

"Do you?" He swears she can look directly into him and see all his lies, all his bullshit, and all his mistakes. "Do you really?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He has nothing under control and he has no idea what to do about it. Unfortunately, nothing comes to him as he sits in the alley behind Scoops smoking a joint.

"What's wrong, Jackie Boy?" Chibs sits next to him. It hasn't gone unnoticed by him or his brothers how lost the young president is. They aren't fooled, they all know why. He's crumbling under the guilt of Tara's incarceration. When Tara came back to Charming, came back to Jax, it grounded him in a way Chibs hadn't seen since she left. Having her locked away from him was taking Jax back to that place.

Inhaling the joint one last time, he hands it to the Scot. "Everything."

"How was Tara this morning?" He elbows the younger man in his ribs. "Getting big?" Maybe reminding him of the baby on the way would help.

"She's hanging in there." Unable to stop himself, he grins, "She's definitely showing." And he loves it, loves knowing she was growing their baby inside of her. It did something to him, seeing her with a piece of him inside of her. "I got to get her out of there."

"We will." Chibs finishes off the joint. "We took care of that lawyer and having her in with all the other pregnant women will give us time to think of how to handle parole." Reminding his leader of the future and planning ahead may help keep him focused.

"This stays between us and Bobby." Jax reminds him yet again. He can't trust anyone else with this, even his other brother's. It's too great a risk.

"You got it, Jackie." Chibs squeezes his shoulder. "I'm heading over to Diosa. Blow off some steam. You stopping by?"

"Yea, I think I will." Jax sighs, pushing down the nauseous feeling. "I'll meet you there, just going to swing by and make sure Gemma's okay with the boys."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jax is slightly surprised to see Lowen's sedan outside of his house when he pulls up. Usually she calls him first to see where he is, if she needs him for anything. Was Tara okay? She was fine this morning. Wouldn't County have called if something was wrong? He's too focused on what could be wrong to realize that it is Wendy's ride in the driveway and not Gemma's. For reasons he doesn't decipher, he quietly dismantles his bike, and creeps into his own house.

"What does she want?" Wendy demands. "Does she not realize how busy I am? I work full-time and help out with the kids around that. If anyone knows what that's like, it should be her."

"Excuse me?" Lowen demands incredulously. "What the hell do you think she wants, Wendy?"

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded." The recovering junkie sighs. "I just…just…."

"Just don't know how to tell her you have no intention of following through on any of your promises?" The irate lawyer demands, just as Jax walks into the dining room. These two were so lost in conversation that they didn't hear him come in. "Jax" She greets.

"Everything okay?" He asks, not sure where to start on what he's heard.

"Yea," Wendy sighs. "You see Gemma out there, yet?"

"No." At least she's coming and not leaving Wendy here all night with his kids, he supposes. "What's going on here?"

"Tara wants to see Wendy." The lawyer, who is now putting her blazer on tells Jax before the other woman can lie. "And Wendy isn't sure she can fit that into her busy schedule." Lowen rolls her eyes. "Are you going to see Tara on Wednesday?"

"I can." He hasn't been, not since she refused to see him alone, and Abel has started school. "Why, what's up?"

"Tara asked me to get something for her." She shrugs, lifting her briefcase off the table. "I'll try to have it by then for you to take to her." She was throwing Jax a bone, knowing if he had the forms Tara needed, she wouldn't refuse him.

"Thanks, Ally." Smiling, because he is on to Ally's scheme he tells her, "You drive safely." He waits for her to shut the door behind her. "Why don't you want to see Tara?" He demands from his ex-wife. Weren't they all buddy-buddy over guardianship papers and shit? Hell, he wished Tara would request to see him.

"It's not that, Jax…" She isn't sure how to answer this, without exposing Tara's plan for her to get the boys out of Charming. A plan she originally agreed with but now knew she could never go through with. "It's just complicated is all."

Who the hell did she think she was talking to? Abel? "Well, I'll un-complicate it for you….go see Tara. You can go on Wednesday before Thomas and I go." He hopes she doesn't stay too long and take up his time with his wife.

Somehow in the years that she's been gone Wendy has forgotten just how she was supposed to do exactly what he demanded, when he demanded it. She chuckles humorlessly, knowing his marriage to Tara was different, knowing she was different, "Yea, sure Jax, whatever you say." Gemma walks in and notes the tension. "Everything okay in here?"

"Yeah, Wendy was just leaving." Jax tells his mother. "And you and I need to talk."

The women share a look. Gemma is trying to get a feel for just what her son's problem is but unfortunately she can't get a read from Wendy. "Brooke's going to be here in the morning, baby." She tells Wendy, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "What's your schedule like on Monday? Can you come by in the morning?"

"Yea, that's fine." Wendy agrees easily, grabbing her purse and keys. "Boys went down easily."

Jax glares at her as she leaves. "Calm down, what did the junkie do now?" His mother teases.

"Nothing, Saint Wendy hasn't done anything." Jax sends his glare his mother's direction. "You on the other hand…."

"Before you start with whatever you think I've done now, I need to talk to you about something…" She moves around the kitchen with the ease of someone familiar with the setup and grabs a cup of mug and fills it with coffee. "Since you are hardly home at a decent time at night…." She gives her son a pointed look, "why don't the boys start staying at my house?"

"No!" He takes a deep breath. "They've been through enough changes…speaking of….you told me Abel didn't see much of what happened with that man last week."

"He didn't." She affirms, concern lacing her voice.

"Bullshit…he recounted the story for Tara today." He pushes the guilt down. Clearly, he should have spoken to his son more in-depth, taken the time to see his son was okay for himself. "I can't have this shit, Mom. I'm happy for you and Nero and you can spend all the time at Diosa you want….but the boys are not to go there."

The matriarch lets out a laugh, "She's awful demanding from behind bars, isn't she?"

"Don't put this on Tara! And don't make her sound unreasonable." He's so fed up with just about everything. Wanting to rail at her for Wendy being alone with the boys yet again, he says instead, "I'm going to kiss the boys and go handle some shit." He quietly checks on his boys and gives them a soft kiss. Coming down the hallway, he finds Gemma knitting on the couch. Seeing her in such a state, he's hit with gratitude and guilt. Guilt is apparently his number one emotion this days. "I appreciate all the help you are giving me, Mom." He sighs, sitting next to her. "I couldn't do it without you. Maybe we should get Neeta or Alita back to help out too. Use Wendy a little less."

She wants to object, he can tell, but wisely doesn't. "I know you're going through it right now, baby." She kisses his cheek. "Why don't you go handle whatever you need to and then go ride…or stop by Diosa...relax a little?

He smiles sadly in response.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey." The nerves are radiating off of Wendy as Tara approaches her. Despite the things she has done for her habit, she has yet to sit in the other woman's position.

Tara rolls her eyes as she takes in the other woman's appearance. "Let's cut the shit," she sighs. "Why are you and my boys still in Charming?"

"Listen Tara…." The blond begins.

"No, you listen….you came back to this and preaching to me how they needed to get out." Tara keeps her words low yet forceful. "Making demands and threatening legal action. I finally see the light and make it happen and you what? Bail on me?"

"It's not like that, Tara, I promise." Wendy pleads. "Things are calm again. Jax has everything handled."

Her words remind the wife of her husband's a few short days ago. Instead of the words soothing her, they ignite the flame inside. "Really? Did my husband tell you that? What else is going on while you're playing house with my family?" Shit, this escalated quickly. She promised herself that she would remain calm, cool, collected, and most importantly, in control!

"Playing house?" The humorless chuckle sends chills down her spine. "Is that your problem? You know your husband can't keep it in his pants?"

It takes every ounce of self-control for Tara not to reach across the table and choke this bitch. "My problem is that you are a stupid, weak, junkie. The minute I'm out of the picture, you are sucked back into Gemma's world and too blind to see it." A big part of Tara understands the appeal. After all, Jax and by extension Gemma and SAMCRO, quickly became Tara's family when she was a teenager. Getting to know Wendy over the years and from talking to Jax, it is clear to Tara that Wendy didn't have a traditional upbringing. She doesn't need a psych degree to see the similarities. However, unlike herself, it is apparent that Wendy doesn't have backbone.

"Wow….really?" Wendy starts to stand. "This visit is over."

"Fine by me." Tara shrugs. "Try and do me a favor and kindly make sure my sons stay out of whorehouses and brothels. They've been through enough."

Wendy isn't sure what to say to that. It was her understanding that Abel didn't see much of the incident that left marks on Gemma's face. Was that the truth? What if it wasn't? Did she really have the balls to go up against Gemma?

Jax watches as Wendy blows out of the waiting area visibly upset. "Uh-oh monkey, this might not go too good." He's thankful that a bouncing and excited Thomas doesn't attract her attention. For some reason his youngest likes the ex-junkie while Abel isn't overly thrilled with her. Soon his name is called and he rounds up his supplies and prepares to be pat down.

"Am I allowed to ask how that went?" He smirks at his frustrated wife.

"You can ask anything you want." Tara shrugs. "Doesn't mean I have to answer. But for the record, it went fine."

She was full of shit. Wendy didn't look fine and neither does Tara. "Want me to get rid of her?" He means it as a joke but the way Tara's face changes gives him pause. "Tara? Talk to me."

"I don't care what you do about the junkie." She smiles when Thomas reaches for her. It's not often she gets that response out of her youngest son. "I don't want to talk about her." It was true, she worries enough about Wendy, Jax, and the boys when she is alone. "Did Lowen send you with any papers?"

"Yes." He smiles, pulling them out of the diaper bag. "Why do you need your college transcripts, genius?" He teases. He sneaked a peek, damn his wife is smart. Not that he ever doubted that, she was a straight A student in high school without trying too hard.

"Taking some online classes." She smiles sadly.

"Really?" He lights up. "Are you that bored?" He was joking and he was happy for her. It would give her something to do and take her mind off of life on the outside until he came up with a way to get her out.

"Just planning ahead." She admits, tickling Thomas. "Not like I'll ever practice medicine again." She needed a way to earn clean money and be able to provide for her family. Because make no mistake, if she was ever given a way out, she was taking it. She would break the cycle for their boys no matter what the personal cost.

Shit, of course. Leave it to his wife to be planning and worrying about the future. "You don't have to settle for some dead end job, babe. I can keep us afloat."

"How's TM doing?" It was a low blow, knowing that business was sparse since the bombing. Hazel eyes turn olive as they meet his blue orbs, "We need legit money. Our kids deserve that." It's her subtle reminder of the life they planned for, leaving SAMCRO behind.

And just like that, there may as well as be an ocean between them versus a three foot wide table.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I am so sorry in the long delay for an update. Life has kinda kicked my butt lately. And I was having serious WiFi/computer issues. After sitting in the repair shop for 3 weeks, my computer came back, fixed, but my hard drive was completely erased. LOL, what fun. Anyway, thanks for the patience and love. Special shoutout to ShayHylton and Amy Silvers. You ladies rock.

Also, thanks for the renewed interest/the follows and favs for Beginnings. It was my first attempt at writing anything in a long time and I know it is laced with editing/grammatical errors. I promise, one day I will take it down, fix it, and repost.

I hope you enjoy this update ;)

Chapter 5

December 2013

_"Jesus Christ, am I allowed to ask what the fuck happened?" Opie chuckles. _

_"No." Jax sits the five gallon, off-white primer and paint combination bucket down and pulls a pack of cigarettes from his kutte. "And why the hell are you laughing?" The fucking place looked like a crime scene despite the clean up efforts both he and Tara put in. _

_"Because you seem fine, so I know it isn't Tara's brains splattered on the wall and floor." Opie takes a page out of Jax's book, puts his shit down, and reaches for Jax's cigarette. "It was brains, right?" He takes a drag of the filtered Camel and hands it back to his best friend. "Only head shots leave this kind of mess." Judging from the one solid, round, dark stain against the wall; it was probably another wound. "So, who're we cleaning up?" _

_"I asked for your help so you wouldn't ask questions." Jax takes off his kutte and flannel and throws them on Tara's bed. "And so you wouldn't go running your mouth."_

_"I cost more than a prospect." Op smiles, knowing fear would keep any prospect quiet. "A case of beer will keep my mouth shut."_

_A true testament of their friendship in itself was the fact that Jax knew Opie was kidding. "Already got some cold in the fridge." His head nods in the direction of the door. _

_"How sweet, keeping beer here already?" Op laughs, taking off his kutte. He wasn't sure what was going on between Tara and Jax but he was going to enjoy agitating his brother. _

_"Bite me." Jax starts for the door to get said beer. "Tara bought it when I mentioned what we were doing. Her way of saying thanks, I guess." _

_"For me maybe." Opie snickers as he opens the bleach. "Bet she's thanking you in other ways." It felt like old times, one of them razzing on each other over their lady loves, definitely lady loves and not the croweater whores that Jax had been plowing through the last eleven years. _

_"Shut the fuck up, douchebag." Jax smiles, actually fucking smiles, and Opie can't remember the last time he saw the honest gesture from his friend. The superficial, cocky grin? Sure he, along with everyone else, has seen that plenty. "I'll get us a beer. Take your time starting with that." Jax certainly wasn't in a rush for Tara to come back here. He was rather enjoying having her at the clubhouse. _

Jax awakens with a start, facing Tara's side of the bed and is met with eyes identical to his. "What's up, monster?" He wonders why he's dreaming about that particular memory right now. It was a simpler time for sure. Back when he had a son in NICU and Tara back in his life. But he was still twisted up, not knowing if he was going to lose her all over again, especially after taking care of her stalker ex.

"Wendy made breakfast." If the look on the kindergartener's face is any indication, breakfast must suck.

Jax looks at the clock on his nightstand and realizes it is later than he thought. "Did you eat?"

"No, it was gross." Abel crinkles his nose. "But I said no thank you. Mommy says I should always be nice."

He can't help but smirk as he notes his son's attire. "Go get your shoes on and grab your backpack. We'll stop at McDonald's on the way to school." He whispers softly.

"Grandma says that's not real food." Abel whispers.

"You're right." Jax sits up and teases Abel's hair playfully. "Guess you better go eat whatever Wendy made."

"NO!" Abel pleads. "Get dressed Daddy." He demands. "I'll be ready faster than you." And he takes off like a rocket, leaving his father chuckling as he climbs out of the bed, shaking his head of the memory that overtook his dreams.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sitting in his open garage well past midnight, smoking a joint, with the breeze blowing through his hair, it is almost easy for Jax to ignore the shithole that was becoming his life. An empty page of his journal stares back at him, mocking him as yet another incomplete project. As always, he can't help but think of the only woman he's ever loved. It was late, lights would be out by now in County. Was sleep coming easy to her these days? Or was she reliving all the bad shit? He hates thinking of her being there alone. Sleeplessness was common for both of them, a testament to all the bad things they have been through, both together and apart, he's certain. Having her so close, yet so far away, was pure torture. He wouldn't be able to wake her, burying himself inside her, wearing each other out, until sleep comes easily for the both of them. He closes his journal as he puts the joint out. As he opens his toolbox he cringes as his cell rings. At this time of night it would certainly be a club emergency and he would need to scramble to get someone here to listen for the boys. He feels a different and much more intense panic when the caller id shows a Stockton County number. "Hello?" His heart is literally in his throat.

"Hey, it's me." That voice is followed by a sigh he would recognize anywhere.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He demands. "Are you okay? Is it the baby? Is…"

"Everything is fine." She assures him with a nervous laugh. "They just moved me to the new ward."

"It's after midnight." He takes a deep, thankful breath. She was okay.

"Apparently, it's safer to move someone late at night." She clears her throat. "I thought about calling the house but didn't want to wake the boys and I didn't know who was with them so…."

"I'm home with them." He assures her.

"Alone?" The surprise is evident in her voice. She knows that Jax is trying really hard but he's never been a hands-on father and she knows he must be struggling.

"I'm in the garage with the baby monitor on." He lights up a cigarette. "Are you…."

"Are you…." She laughs nervously, watching the guard outside of the small room where she is using the phone. "I'm sorry, go ahead….I probably don't have much time."

"No babe, you go…." He can't help but grin. This,_ THIS_, is exactly what he needed. To hear her voice and her giggle. He counts his lucky stars that his ass was at home where he belongs when she called.

"Are…are you working on the bike? How's it coming along?" She asks timidly.

"I am….well I'm trying to." He takes a deep drag of his cigarette. "I'm not getting very far." He longs for the days of long ago when she would sit with him as he poured through manuals and thought about adjustments to make. Her company, a couple of beers, and a joint would be all he needed while he worked or planned for a project.

"Whatever happened to that old manual I bought you anyway?" She asks nostalgically, thinking of all the times she would sit and watch him work, all the while handing him tools and admiring him, in his usually shirtless attire.

"I kept it of course." He grins. "In fact, I'm gonna pull it out and go from there. So, really? Everything is ok?"

"Yes." She promises. "They just let me call so you would know where I was in case you plan on visiting Saturday."

"Of course we're visiting." He scoffs. "Can I still check in at the regular intake?"

"No, they said to let the guard know at the front gate and he'll direct you." The guard started to make her way into the small office. "I gotta go….are the boys okay?"

"They're great, babe. Sound asleep." He closes his toolbox up. "Thanks for calling me, Tara." He wasn't an idiot. He knows that she didn't have to say anything and could have let him get the runaround at the prison when he visited.

"You're welcome." She smiles softly. "Should probably be thanking the guard though, I'm not sure I'm supposed to be allowed a phone call." No doubt in the young mother's mind that this guard was breaking protocol. But she was too full of nervous energy to analyze it.

Good, that meant that someone was finally doing what he paid them to do, look out for his wife. "I can't wait to see you on Saturday. Two whole hours."

"You'll probably get tired of me." She teases. "I gotta go."

"Okay, it's late…get some sleep." But he knew the advice was useless, knowing she would be too amped up in a new cell for sleep to come easily to her. "I love you, Tara."

"Me too." She swallows her tears. "I'll see you soon. Give my boys a kiss from me."

"I'll sneak in and give them one right now." He promises, hoping to bring her at least a fraction of the peace that she's brought him tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jax looks around at his brother's and can see the anxiety on their faces. Rather than ignoring it, he asks, "Anyone have any concerns?" before dismissing Church.

Bobby shares a look with Chibs before biting the bullet, "We love you Pres…" He'd rather chew off his own arm then have this conversation. The newer patches were getting restless and he had to at least put a voice to their concerns, show them that the Redwood Charter was legit.

"But?" The President draws in a long, uncomfortable breath.

"Nothing is getting resolved." Bobby looks directly at his leader, knowing they share the secret over planning to get Tara out on probation. "The brothers are concerned. They understand why we're not on the offense but…."

"No buts boys." Jax's elbows rest on the old worn table. "We have to keep the peace flowing between black, brown, yellow, and Irish. I don't care if that means playing bitch and running their guns or whatever. I can't take any risks with Tara inside…."

"We get it, boss." Happy interrupts and agrees readily. "No one at this table is forgetting the fact that Doc is taking one for the team…"

"Then what's the issue, Hap?" The fearless leader demands.

"Too much of us playing bitch boy could screw us AND Doc." Tig tries to wrap up the issue.

"Anything going on I don't know about?" Jax questions, not really understanding why the guys are so paranoid.

"Nah, brotha." Chibs assures him. "Guess we've just been waiting for the shit to hit the fan with Clay and Galen dead."

Lighting up a cigarette, Jax admits, "I expected more blowback as well." He plays with his lighter against the table for a bit, each end making a knocking sound when metal hits wood. "We'll wait it out and see. I don't want to go on the attack if there isn't a need to do so. Agree?"

He waits patiently as all the men nod their approval. "How's the rebuild coming along?" The question is directed at Bobby, who is still the unofficial secretary for the MC.

"As best as can be expected for cheap labor." He jokes. "TM isn't bringing in much. Guess people are still freaked over the bombing. Red..."

"Tara mentioned running a few deals in the gazette and such, coupons for basic services." His wife, always thinking of ways to help.

"Might not be a bad idea." Bobby muses. "'Specially with the holidays coming up." He clears his throat. "I was thinking, that program that St. Thomas runs for the kids every year? SAMCRO should be all over that shit. Boost our popularity."

Grown men cackle as Jax takes in Bobby's words. "Definitely, we need to get our community love back to where it was. Get Gemma on that. Any free time you boys have, put some time in on the rebuild or at the shop….give Diosa pussy a break." He looks to his two most trusted brothers. "Alright, I'm heading up to County. Get to see my old lady for two hours today. Anything comes up, see Chibs or Bobby."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Look Mommy! Toys!" Abel shrieks as Tara walks into the large visiting room and finds her boys on the floor with hot wheel cars. He quickly throws his cars down and runs to his mother's waiting embrace.

"Hi, baby." She smiles warmly as she picks him up.

"Are you supposed to be doing that?" Jax cringes, in his opinion Abel was solid for a five year old and it didn't look comfortable to see his very pregnant wife lifting the kindergartener.

"I'm fine." She assures him with a genuine smile as she puts her oldest down and picks up her youngest. "And how are you?" She tickles his tummy and her heart swells with his infectious giggle. He babbles happily in response and although she can only make out every four or five words, she nods and smiles at everything.

"You look good, momma." Jax teases when she sits across from him. He longs to run his fingers through her finally grown out shoulder length locks and kiss her, to feel her lips warm and pliant against his own. He resists the urge because she hasn't really given him any sign that she wants the same thing anymore and that thought breaks his heart so he refuses to ponder it while she's sitting here in the flesh with him and their boys.

"Thanks." She rolls her eyes but he cannot mistake her blush and it sends a jolt of awareness through him. "They like the toys." She nods towards their boys playing happily on the floor.

"I can't believe this place." He looks around at the spacious visiting area. "Toys, decent seats, and just us?" He also notes the baby gear around the room as well.

"They try to space out the visiting times so no one overlaps." His wife takes a deep breath. "Give each family some bonding time. Wouldn't always expect it to work out that way though." She shrugs. "The Family Reunion Program is really beneficial here."

"I like it." The need to grab her hand is, as usual, overwhelming, and he gives into it. "Are you okay here? Is it a little better than gen pop?"

The anguish in his eyes is nearly her undoing but she takes a deep breath and forces herself to remember why she's in here. That doesn't really help because she mostly to blame for crime that landed her behind bars. So she turns her thoughts to the man that practically abandoned her when she needed him the most. "It's better." She assures him with a watery smile. She squeezes his fingers. "Just worry about our boys. Keep them safe." She pleads.

"Always." He whispers before clearing his throat as Abel comes over, no doubt he's going to demand his mother's full attention for the rest of the visit.

Tara removes her hand from her husband's, "I'm glad you came over, Monster. Mommy made us some words to study."

"Why?" Abel crosses his arms as Tara pulls som inch papers from the front pocket of her prison uniform.

"Because Ms. Harrison says you've been having some problems with your sight words." Momma looks pointedly at her little boy. "Have you been practicing at home?" He shakes his head in response.

"Sight words? And when did you talk to Ms. Harrison?" Jax smiles in awe of his wife, still playing super mom while incarcerated.

"Via email." Tara grins wickedly. "One of the perks of continuing my education." She whispers. "And sight words are words he needs to memorize as prep for reading."

Jax sits back and watches as Abel struggles with every one of the five "cards" Tara has made up. "It's okay, baby." She soothes. "You'll have these memorized in no time." She plays with his hair. "Do you have cards like these at home?" She really hopes he does because her "cards" were just regular paper torn into the best rectangular shape she could make without scissors.

"No." Abel sighs.

"Well, Mommy will give these to Daddy and you can practice once in the morning and once before bed, okay?" She drops a kiss to his forehead before squeezing him tight. "If Daddy is working then Grandma or Wendy can help, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." Abel frowns and then looks up at her. "Can you help me again when I come back?"

"Of course, baby." She closes her eyes. "I'll always be here to help you." Jax feels like a failure. His incarcerated wife knows more about their son's education than he does. But his failure runs deeper than that. He knows Abel wouldn't be struggling at all if Tara was at home where she belongs. And that brings another wave of guilt crashing into his heart at full speed. He needs to get her out of here. He needs to keep their family whole, no matter what. "Enough of sight words! Let's play! Or color! Whatever you want to do!" Tara's voice interrupts his internal pity party.

"Play cars mommy!" Abel grins and takes off. Tara is quick to join her boys on the floor as Thomas crawls into her lap. "Come on Daddy!"

"Okay, monster." Jax grunts as he sits on the floor Indian with his wife. "I guess if mommy can get down here so can I."

"Watch it, Teller." Tara warns with a mock glare. "What are we playing?" She questions Abel.

"Garage." The kindergartner instructs. "Mommy, your car is broken. Daddy is the mechanic so he will fix it."

"What about you and Thomas?" She grins.

"We're the helpers." Abel explains. "We will get the tools for Daddy."

"Sounds good to…. Oh!"

"What's wrong?" Jax demands, worry lacing his voice.

"Nothing, silly." Tara grabs Abel's hand and places it on her belly. "Feel that? That is your little baby brother or sister in there." Abel's giggle tells Jax that he feels it. Thomas, feeling left out, places his chubby little hand on his mommy's tummy too. "Baby!" Thomas shrieks and Tara gives a watery laugh. "Yes, a baby. There is a baby is mommy's belly."

Daddy clears his throat, "Is she still kicking?"

"Yeah." Tara nods on a whisper. "Like crazy."

"Can I….can I feel?" He felt ridiculous, afraid to even touch his own wife in such an intimate way. When she would come to visit him while he was in lockup and she was carrying Thomas, Jax couldn't get enough of touching her, feeling the life they created move inside of her.

"Of course." Her words sound soothing but the way her body stiffens when his hand makes contact with her firm stomach tells him she wasn't entirely at ease. Disappointment rolls off of him in waves when he doesn't feel anything. "Give her….or him a minute." She encourages, still not looking entirely comfortable yet her words let him know that she was making an effort. She grabs his hand and moves it to the left and he feels a powerful kick.

In this moment, nothing else matters. He swallows thickly when jade orbs meet his own. "She's gonna be a soccer player or something." He muses, hand still on his wife's tummy.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Sorry about the delay in updates. Life has been kicking my butt lately and what's worse than that? I have zero in the way of attention span lately. I'm hoping that my muse will be able to flow from here on out. Hope you all enjoy ;) I wasn't sure I wanted to incorporate another flashback but the muse wouldn't let it go. Thanks Lacey for the push! _**

**_Chapter 6_**

_"Hey, babe." Jax whispers coming through the front door late on Christmas Eve. _

_Tara greets him frostily with, "Hey." She doesn't ever look up from her tasks of wrapping an odd shaped box. _

_"What's wrong?" He asks, shrugging off his kutte and hanging it on the entryway hook. _

_"What could possibly be wrong?" The humorless laugh tells him everything he needs to know...that something is very definitely wrong. "Had a lovely dinner ready for my family on Christmas Eve...husband never showed up. No call, no text, nothing. Abel was wired, for Santa, of course. Finally managed to get him down an hour past bedtime and now I'm playing Betty Crocker and Mr. and Mrs. Claus all in one. Shit!" The mention of Betty Crocker has her remembering the extra batch of cookies in the oven. She throws the tape and scissors down abruptly and sprints to the kitchen, pushing by her husband on the way. _

_"Shit, babe." He sighs and runs a hand down his face. "I'm sorry." He comes up behind her as she places the cookie sheet on top of the stove. "I left the prepay at the clubhouse." Wrapping his arms around her midsection and nuzzling her neck, he whispers in that throaty voice of his, "Forgive me?" He purposely handled business late into the night so he could have all of Christmas Day to spend with his family. As usual, he didn't see past his tunnel vision to what all tonight would entail._

_As usual, his voice and lips have the desired effect, "Only because I have to." She gives a reluctant grin as she squeezes his arms with her own. Reaching into the microwave, she pulls out a plate of pot roast, mashed potatoes, and vegetables. "Eat up! You'll need your energy." She turns in his loosened embrace. "It's not cold...yet," she acknowledges the fact that she isn't reheating it.  
_

_"Join me?" It's not a question but a plea. _

_"Jax..." She practically whines. "I have so much to get done." _

_"I'll be quick." He assures her, tugging her arm towards the small table. "You're totally worth getting indigestion for." _

_She smacks him playfully. "It's not me. We have to finish wrapping, put the big shit together, and get the house together..." She cringes when she remembers everything that has to be prepared for Gemma's dinner tomorrow. And she plans on making something big for their small family to enjoy in the morning, just the four of them. _

_"Babe, it'll be fine!" He assures her with a mouthful of delicious pot roast. The incredulous look she gives him tells him he is in deep shit again. "What? You need to stop stressing." _

_"Stressing?" If he hears that humorless laugh one more time, he's taking her into the bedroom to assure she gets an attitude adjustment. "Well someone around here needs to!" She gets up from the table with a huff and stomps out of the kitchen. _

Jax awakens, not with a jolt, but slowly. It's as though he's trying to hold onto the dream. He knows what comes next and he'd give anything to go back to that time. What he wouldn't give to have some petty fight with his beautiful wife right now.

_She can feel him. It's always been that way. The hairs on the back of her neck rise and shoot a tingling sensation down her back. He's the hunter and she's the prey, powerless to resist, too entranced to bolt. She ran once, ran for eleven years, but knows deep in her bones she'd never be able to leave this man again. Even if he was an inconsiderate jackass, she smirks, he was her jackass. "Unless you are coming in here to wrap presents or put something together, I suggest you leave." The scissors raised a bit off to the side are meant to be a warning._

_He hits the light switch, shutting everything off but the Christmas tree lights. The red, blue, green, and orange lights give off the most beautiful glow but it is nothing compared to her. "I came in here for something else entirely." There is it again, that thick, throaty voice that could (and probably has) drop panties singlehandedly. _

_She groans, oh how she wants to take him up on the offer. Sex with Jax was always the best mood booster. "We don't have time for this." The hint of a smile in her voice belittles her firm posture. _

_He comes up behind her on his knees and the warmth against her back informs her that he's already shirtless. "Make time for this." He demands while rubbing her shoulders. The moan that escapes her lips has him hardening immediately. "Tell me what all has to get done tonight."_

_"Everything." She moans again and he grins. "We have to finish wrapping. You have to put that jumperoo together for Thomas and that power wheel for Abel. Santa needs to eat some cookies and drink some milk. I need to prep things for the oven tomorrow. We need to get everything perfect for the boys for the morning." _

_"Tara, it doesn't need to be perfect." He kisses her softly on the neck. _

_"Yes, it does, baby." She turns in his embrace. "Think about what you remember about being a kid... these are the things they're going to remember and hold on to." _

_The tightness that grips his chest is expected. He always feels it the minute he ponders Tara's childhood. "No, it's not babe." He assures her and ignores her when she is ready to dispute him. "You remember yours because they were so shitty." He wants to dig Frank Knowles up and kill the bastard with his bare hands. God he hates that man. "But our boys aren't going to __remember Christmas' and birthdays when they grow up. They're going to remember their amazing mom. The way she smiled, the way she smelled like coconut and honey and whatever the hell that other scent is that I can never name but know that it is you." He gently wipes the tear that falls from her eye. "Tara, they're going to remember the way you make them feel so loved and cherished...like they're the most important things in the world to you." And he knows that feeling, deep in his bones, so deep that he could never escape it. Being loved by Tara Knowles, isn't something one can ever escape or forget. _

_"They are." She sighs and puts her forehead against his. "You are." She straddles him now. _

_"Then calm down." He demands. "We'll get all this shit done and it'll be epic." He assures her. _

_Her voice is husky when she teases him, "You always know how to calm me down." _

_"Yea?" The hand along her ass belittles the uncertainty he's trying to pull off in his voice. "How about you thank me properly, then." He kisses her throat when she throws her head back on a laugh. "It's true...my wife...she's a heart surgeon. She's always talking about stress and its effect on heart health." _

_"Really, Mr. Samcro?" She raises her shirt's hem and has it off of her body in a second. "Your doctor wife preaches all about the many things you are doing wrong?" _

_Holy shit, he loves when she's like this. He loves every complex part of her. But there is something so free about her in her playful mood. It's that freedom that he longs to give her all the time. "Yea...she's tough." His grin is wide and he's too turned on to fret over how transparent he appears. _

_"Well you should tell this doctor, excuse me, surgeon," She pushes him back to the floor, not like his body wasn't lax and ready for it anyway. "That the number one stress reliever is..." With hands on his bare chest and a coy smile she whispers, "Sex."_

_She's so beautiful. He snaps that mental camera that he's always carried for her. He makes a vow to always remember this moment. With her half-dressed atop him, long hair hanging over her shoulders, and the Christmas lights lighting up her already amazing eyes, she is truly a vision. "You should, you know... show me." He teases, thrusting his hips so his hard cock aligns perfectly with her ass. "Doctors are big on science so I'll need proof of your theory." _

_"As long as I'm the only one showing you." The fierce look in her eyes serves only to turn him on more. _

_Suddenly, he flips them over and tucks her beneath him. "You are the only one for me, Tara. You always have been and you always will be." He uses his mouth and his hands to show her just how much. _

She awakens with a sob. Oh God, why did she let him touch her weeks ago? She knew better. She knew one touch from Jackson Teller would pull her back in. One touch would make her ache for days. The memories have been coming every time she closes her eyes.

_The screwdriver is hanging from his grip, hand loose as his wrist rests on his knee. Jax can't help but stare at his wife. She's a sight to behold. Her hair is wild from his hands and the floor and she's swimming in his shirt that she's wearing. She looks sated even though her brow is crunched in concentration on the present before her. "Why didn't you call one of the guys?" He asks. _

_"__Huh?" She doesn't look up from the task at hand. _

_He chuckles at just how serious she's taking this wrapping job. The boys won't care how the presents look and will just destroy her handiwork in seconds. But Tara Knowles doesn't do anything half-assed. He doesn't think she is capable of doing anything less than analyzing something and then fixing it. It is probably one of the many qualities that makes her a phenomenal surgeon. "When you couldn't get ahold of me? Why didn't you try Bobby or Chibs?"_

_"__It wasn't an emergency." She scrunches up her face, "I don't want to be that wife." _

_At the word wife, his grin is immediate and he loses his train of thought. He can't wait to make her Mrs. Jackson Teller. "Want an early Christmas present?" _

_"__Jax….." She tries for a warning tone but thinks her grin may dispute it. "No! I can wait until tomorrow!" _

_"__I can't!" He smiles that smile that she swears is solely reserved to her as he heads into the garage in nothing but his boxers. While he is away she makes quick work of finishing the wrapping on the last present and wonders if she should give him an early present as well. She's not prepared when he sits next to her, back leaning against the sofa and pulls her into his lap. "Open!" He orders, eyes even brighter than his smile. _

_She is taken aback by the flawlessly wrapped square box. It's obvious that is was wrapped by a professional. The gold paper looks expensive as does the silver bow and the neatly placed string. "Let me go get something for you to open." Although she isn't sure what she's gotten him that will be near the value of whatever is in this exemplary box. _

_"__Nope!" His grip on her tightens. "This is what I want. To watch you open this." His hand trails up her thigh and he realizes she never put her panties back on. _

_Wiggling on his lap, she teases, "I think you may want something else….." _

_The hand resting on her thigh comes up to her cheek and pulls her in for a kiss that holds a promise of pleasure. "Later…Soon." And who says boys can't grow up? Teenage Jax would have said fuck the present, freed his cock, and had Tara riding him in seconds. "Now open the present Tara." His anticipation mounts as she analyzes the box, trying to decide the best way to open it. Will she like it? Is it all too presumptuous? The gesture could definitely be seen as jumping the gun but he wanted her to know he had every intention of following through on his promises. He laughs as she carefully removes the bow and the string used to place it on the box. "Fuck that paper, babe, just open the sucker." _

_"__But it's so nice." She replies softly. "You probably spent a fortune on the wrapping alone." Try as she might, she couldn't ever forget the value of a dollar. She didn't care of much money and success she found when obtaining her PhD, it could never erase the fact of growing up paycheck to paycheck. Not that there was anything wrong with that, per say, she would definitely say it built character. She made it a point to never live above her means. And she wanted their boys to have the same work ethic as her and Jax. _

_"__It was included in the purchase." He assures her. He didn't really remember if that was true, didn't really care, honestly. Tara was still uncomfortable about money, even though she made plenty. And he wasn't hurting for it either, especially with the cartel money. He pushes aside his conscious speaking up, once again telling him this was a bad idea to get involved in. Instead he decides to help her unwrap the present, "Here, let me help." Her hair is covering the side of her eyes and he tries to decipher her gasp._

_This cost him a fortune. Tara was sure of it. She personally never had a set but knew doctors got them usually the minute they finished med school as a sign of prestige. "Jax….baby…"_

_"__I wanted you to know how serious I am, Tara." He clears his throat, not really remembering a time he was ever this nervous around her. Maybe when they first hooked up as kids and he knew she was out of his league? Maybe he felt a fraction of this when he proposed months ago? He pulls her face to his once again. "You were disappointed when I told you that I wanted to wait to get married. And…."_

_"__No, baby, I wasn't." She tries to assure him, even though the tears glistening in her eyes tell him otherwise. "I understand. I get it….you want us out from all this shit. A fresh start."_

_"__You were disappointed." He reiterates. "Maybe on some level, you don't think it will ever come true, any of it…"_

_"__I have NEVER doubted your intention!" She interrupts firmly but her words make him sad because they basically confirm everything he thought she felt._

_"__I love you, Tara." He kisses her. "And I can't wait to make you Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller." He runs his finger over the name plate in the velvet box. "And I'm going to. That's a promise." _

_"__Should we put it in writing with my new pen?" She teases, putting the box on the couch behind his head as she straddles him. "Like a legal and binding contract?" She loves her present. Seeing it in print, on something, his promise to her….it was an indescribable feeling. She never thought it would matter to her. After all, she was his in mind, body, and soul….had been since she was fifteen. "Or should we do something a little more," She grinds down on his hardened cock covered by his boxers, "Private? You know an… oral agreement between both parties?" _

_"__Fuck Santa." Jax whispers as he pushes her back only briefly enough to free his cock. "This is the best Christmas EVER." _

He wakens once again trying to hold onto the dream, knowing the part that comes next is hot. His hardened cock certainly was waiting to finish that dream. Looking to his left it was easy for him to imagine Tara filling up the empty spot. He removes his boxers imagines her wearing them instead. She would pair it with one of those thin, black, tight tanks she loved so much. As he strokes himself, he thinks of nothing but removing those garments from Tara's porcelain skin and caressing her in the most intimate of places with both his hands and mouth.

_She can't stop the giggle that escapes her at the concentration of Jax finishing this power wheel. "Something funny, babe?" Maybe she was just exhausted. They were only going to get about four hours of sleep before Abel would come barreling in their room, ready to open presents. _

_"__I'm used to watching you sweat over a Harley and such." She laughs. "But you have never been sexier, working on this power wheel, baby." There is no longer any stifling of this laughter. _

_"__Thanks, babe." He smirks. "Hopefully, I'll still be hot when I'm working on the torque for our walkers." _

_The image is both hilarious and sobering. She wants that more than anything, to grow old together. But the lifestyle he leads doesn't usually allow for old age and heart complications to take you out. She fears the image of she and Jax rocking on the front porch with grandchildren playing is just a pipe dream. She decides to lighten the mood, "I've always imagined us on a Tri-Glide actually." _

_"__I'll call dibs on Piney's before Op can." He smirks. "And sorry to ruin the hotness but this bad boy is finished." _

_She watches the prideful smile light up his face as he runs a hand over it. "He's going to love it, baby." She recalls Jax's excitement when he found this four-wheeler model at Toys R' Us in Lodi. It had been a perfect evening, Christmas shopping and dinner out, just the two of them. _

_"__You think?" He asks, standing and holding his hand out to help her stand as well. Was Abel ready for this? Who was he kidding, of course he was. The damn thing didn't go fast at all and the backyard was fenced in. The kid needed to start something if he was going to be ready for a Harley at sixteen._

_"__I know." Tara grins, fingers combing his beard. "Take me to bed Santa." _

_He doesn't give her time to process or think as he bends his knees just a bit and hauls her over his shoulder. Her shirt rides up and displays her glorious, bare ass to his eye. He can't stop himself from swatting her playfully. "Come on, Mrs. Claus….it's getting late." _

_"__AH!" She stops him as he is rounding the corner to their small hallway. "Don't forget my present! The kids will get ahold of it." _

_Jax backtracks and stoops down to pick up her new set off the couch. "We good?" He huffs, jostling her just a bit as he heads back to the hallway._

_"__No!" She laughs. "You need to eat the cookies and drink the milk." He groans at the delay in getting her to bed but nonetheless heads to the kitchen. "That's right, Teller, you have to drink from the mug and not the carton." _

_His smile is full of mischief as he puts her present down and drains the mug. "I don't know what you're talking about, babe." Surely, she was getting lightheaded by now. _

_"__Yea, right." She snorts. There are three cookies on the small plate. "Eat two cookies but take a bite out of the third so it looks like Santa was full." _

_He takes a bite out of one and leaves the remains of it on the plate before scooping up the other two cookies and the present and once again taking off for the hallway. He pauses at the entryway with a soft demand of "Lights" as she hits the switch. _

She was going to have to stay awake. That was the only way to avoid the memories, Tara decides as she forces herself to a sitting position. "Sorry, baby." She rubs her stomach as she talks to the baby inside. "You can still sleep. But Mommy can't." She couldn't lie there for one more minute and remember all the good times or she would never survive. As she reaches for a textbook from one of her classes she decides to keep her focus on the fact that she was stupid enough to go into a prison and use her medical license for RICO. She needs to remember the fear and disgust that washed over her the minute she saw Otto Delaney use that crucifix on Pamela Toric. Pamela, an innocent mother who never made it home to her two children after working a respectable job. Hell, it could have been her. It was her in a sense because she's separated from her boys. But Tara vows to make sure they are taken care of as best as she can from this cell. And that one day, God willing, she will get the chance to save them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jax didn't think he could take this damn day for one more second. He was trying, he swore he was trying, for the sake of their boys. But damnit, Christmas wasn't Christmas without Tara. He bumps into his mother in the packed kitchen. "Sorry, Ma."

"You should have let me do this at my house." She smiles in an apology. "More room for everyone."

He rolls his eyes in exasperation, they've been through this. He didn't want to deal with dragging the kids out. Today was hard enough. "Kids are playing with their new shit. I'm headed to the garage."

Gemma wants to yell at him that he needs to be in there with his sons but doesn't want the fight that will surely ensue. Her son is cold and empty these days and she briefly wonders if she's underestimated his ability to pull it together. Tara was in prison damnit, it wasn't like she was dead. Instead of yelling at her son, she stabs the turkey with a carving fork to see how much juices are flowing from it. "This damn thing still isn't done."

"My mom always got the one with a pop-up timer." Brooke announces, clearly trying to dissipate some of the tension that has taken over the room.

"Pop-up timers are for pussy amateurs." Gemma mutters under her breath.

Jax rolls his eyes and heads for the garage once again only to stop when he hears a knock at the door. The frustration in him in apparent as he stomps to the door and gives everyone a look. "Yes?" He throws open the door and comes face to face with….Santa Claus?

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!"

Jax really doesn't have time for some jolly, old, fat dude, dressed as Santa with the mood he's in. "Sorry Santa, I think you have the wrong house." He goes to shut the door as he feels Abel tug on his jeans. Shit! He really hopes the kid didn't make out who was at the door.

"This isn't the Teller residence, son?" The guy asks as Abel tries to peer around Jax's leg to see who the voice belongs to.

"It is but we didn't hir…."He looks down and sees his son who is having as shitty day as his father and just sighs. What the hell! Maybe Santa could make Abel smile. "We weren't expecting you Santa." Jax's words do not hold any joy. He can't force that, no matter how much his brain tells him it is the right thing to do.

"Santa!" Abel does in fact smile and even throws in a jump or two. "What are you doing here? Did you finish giving all the presents?"

"Just about." The old guy laughs. "But I have two more for some little Teller boys. Do you know them?"

"My name is Teller!" Abel laughs, tugging on Santa's hand, a clear open invite into the house. "I'm Abel and my brother is Tommy Teller."

Jax watches in wonder. He hasn't seen his son this animated since Tara's arrest. He knows that as a parent he should be concerned that there is a stranger in his house and that his son is volunteering information to the said stranger but he just can't find it in him to caution the kid. Jax shakes it off when he hears the old man mention his wife.

"Well Abel, you are just the kid I'm looking for." Santa laughs. "I just saw your mommy this morning."

"Not my mommy." And just like that Abel's jubilance turns to sadness. "My mommy is in timeout."

"I know, son." He says softly. He gently jerks his hand from Abel's grasp and reaches out the door to pull in a brand new big boy bike with training wheels. "But even from time out she wanted to send you something a little special."

Abel doesn't notice the bike with his downcast eyes. It isn't until Santa honks the obnoxious horn that it gets his attention. "A new bike! Mommy got me a bike." Abel immediately smiles up to his father. "Look, daddy!"

"I see, buddy." Jax tries several times to swallow the thickness in his throat and finally has to clear it before he can talk. "That mommy sure is something else." The bike is amazing. The best imitation BMX bike he has ever seen. And what's more? It's a direct nod to _him_. He and Opie were famous for doing tricks on bikes like this as teens.

"And this is for the little one." Santa sounds gruff when he puts a big box to Jax's chest. He has to scramble to catch it before it hits the floor. "You need to put that together there, dad."

Jax looks at the front and smirks when he sees it is some big, plastic ride on motorcycle. It was amazing of Tara to pull this off but it makes his heart hurt even more (and he didn't think that was possible). Holy fuck, he misses Tara more than anyone could ever fathom. And the guilt was crippling. If he never asked her to go into that jail for his club, she wouldn't be sitting on County, far away from him and their boys.

Later, after Thomas stopped crying over the strange man in a red suit, there isn't a dry eye in the house. Jax is putting the stickers on the ride-on when Abel talks to Santa. "Santa, if I give the bike back…."

"Well, why would you give the bike back?" Santa laughs. "I thought you loved it."

"But if I give it back," Abel continues, "can my mommy come home?"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Please excuse any editing errors. I was getting cross-eyed lol. Sorry for the long delay. Hope you enjoy! ;)**

**CHAPTER 7**

She couldn't recall exactly when she went from tossing and turning in discomfort to full on-holy shit-I'm having a baby, but if someone didn't do something soon, she might kill said someone, anyone. She yelled out to the guard thirty minutes ago and other than an "I'll call for transport," Tara hasn't heard anything other than the sounds of her own deep breathing.

"Ummm….Tara?" A nervous voice that Tara recognizes as the young Liz from the cell across the hall shouts.

"Yea?" The brunette prisoner groans after a contraction.

"Are you ok?" Liz laughs uncomfortably. "I mean, I know you're not okay but are you going to be? I know you are a doctor. Well, used to be a doctor. Shit….that was even worse wasn't it? I…."

"Shut up!" Despite the pain, Tara manages a small, uncomfortable laugh herself. "I'll be fine. Women did this alone and in fields before medical intervention." The words are her own version of a self-pep-talk. And right now? That's about all she has to offer herself. "Hey, Liz? Thanks."

It takes another thirty minutes for the ambulance to arrive and just as the desperate doctor is about to thank the cavalry, she notes the stretcher, "That's not really necessary. I can walk." Ok, between contractions maybe, but she could still walk.

"Doesn't matter, Ma'am." The paramedic answers. "Policy states you need to be handcuffed to something at all times during transport."

"You can't be serious?" Tara moans as another contraction hits and the guard raises a pair of handcuffs.

"Let's not make this into a big deal, Teller." The guard pulls her up from the position she's crouched in on the floor of the cell.

"Has anyone called my husband?" She needs Jax. He would make this better. He promised to never to miss anything like this again. And even though they are far from happily connected at the moment, she doesn't want to do this alone.

"Not our job." The guard replies haughtily as she cuffs Tara to the stretcher. "Hospital will take care of that when you get there."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He's restless, which isn't really surprising, the feeling is something he's gotten used to. Tonight however, the customary joint and couple shots of Jameson weren't taking the edge off. Jax tosses and turns and stares at Tara's empty side of the bed for what feels like hours before deciding that a ride was the only thing obtainable that would calm him down. As he pulls up his dirty, discarded jeans from the floor and puts them on, he's thankful that Rat is crashing on the couch. This way, he wouldn't have to track down Gemma or Wendy (who has been suspiciously elusive recently) to sit with the boys. He checks on both Abel and Thomas, sighing in gratitude, they are both sleeping soundly and shouldn't even know that he's not here. His gratitude turns to confusion when he notes an empty couch full of rumpled blankets and a pillow. Was something going on with the club? Did Rat get a call he wasn't aware of? His brow wrinkles when he moves the kitchen curtain aside and is able to make out two bikes in the driveway. No, Rat apparently didn't take off. Now that he's in the kitchen, the unmistakable sounds of moans can be made out from the garage. Jax rolls his eyes as he makes his way over to the door, already having an idea of what he'll find. Sure enough, he notes Rat's bare ass as he steadily thrusts inside of Brooke, who is the first to see him.

"Ohmygod! Shit!" She gasps, smacking Rat on the back frantically. "Ugh, Jax, I'm…."

"Jax?" Instantly Rat pulls back and glares at the young girl. "What the fuck, Brooke?"

"No, you're fucking in my garage." Jax smirks as Rat turns around. "Ugh bro, put your shit away. Brooke, since you're here you can listen out for the kids. Rat, get the hell out of here." Forgetting momentarily about the sleeping kids, he slams the door. Cringing, he waits for pitter patter of their tiny feet but they never come. He sighs in relief as he puts his kutte on and grabs his keys, still waiting on Brooke as he hears the sound of Rat's bike throttling.

"Um….Jax, let me explain…." Brooke clears her throat as she looks down to make sure her shirt is buttoned properly.

"Don't!" Jax reaches for the door. "Just listen out for my kids and don't have Rat….or anyone else in here. I'll call one of the guys to sit outside and keep an eye on things. Call my cell if something comes up." Jax groans inwardly when he gets outside and sees that Rat is waiting.

"Thought I told you to get lost." He throws his leg over his bike and starts the ignition.

The newest patched member of SAMCRO clears his throat, "Thought the club might need me for something?"

"I needed you to be on call for my kids' asshole," Jax puts his glasses on, "not getting off in my garage."

"Come on Jax, you're not seriously mad, are you? You were home." Rat shrugs his shoulders. "Married people still fuck, right? With their kids in the house?" Instantly, he knows it was the wrong thing to say with Jax's old lady on the inside.

"Married people fuck in their own house with their own kids sleeping." Jax couldn't really say why he was so pissed. No harm, no foul, right? Shit, he and Tara were the same way when they were young. They fucked in many inappropriate places without a care in the world. "Head to TM and see what's up. I'm going for a ride. Alone. Call the cell if something comes up."

Jax waits until he turned the corner to really take off. He hopes the wind will drown out all thoughts in his head but he already knows nothing can. Nothing except Tara that is.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mrs. Teller, we only have one anesthesiologist on call for this floor and he's in with an emergency C-section." The bubbly nurse explains.

"One covering the whole floor, why am I not surprised?" Tara laughs humorlessly. "And I don't supposed anyone bothered to call my husband?"

"I've personally called every number you've given me." The nurse loses some of her upbeat attitude. "The cell went to voicemail and I've left messages with the…people who've answered at the other numbers."

The laboring mother didn't even bother to try to decipher the nurse's hesitation. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see her situation from the nurse's viewpoint, incarcerated pregnant felon, deadbeat, unattainable baby-daddy. "Well, try again! And can I get someone to check me please! The contractions are two to three minutes apart."

"Ma'am, I can assure you every woman who comes in here feels that way….." The nurse begins as she puts on a pair of medical gloves.

"I'm sure." Tara rolls her eyes. "But this isn't my first baby, which perhaps you would know if you asked, and I'm a neo-natal surgeon so I do know a little about what I'm saying."

"Oh…..I ugh…forgive me….." The nurse stumbles.

"Yea, I'm sure the handcuffs and escorts ruin the image." Tara groans as another contraction hits. "Just check my damn cervix."

The nurse does so through Tara's heavy breathing and moans. "Okay, you're moving right along. Four centimeters and about sixty percent."

"THAT'S IT?" She shouts in frustration. "I'm definitely going to need a damn epidural." The nurse rolls her eyes, determined to ask around and see what this chick's real deal was. Although, for some reason she finds herself believing everything the woman has said so far. Doctors really were the worse patients.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He wasn't sure why he stopped here. Sure, he and Tara always loved this place. He can still remember the first time he brought her here all those years ago. Even in the dark, Jax can recall the very spot where they laid a blanket and watched the stars together. His mouth curls in an automatic grin, recalling the other way he also saw stars that night. The last time they were here was as a family, just the two of them and their boys', enjoying a picnic and the promise of a fresh start. It's the thought of that specific day that has his grin fading. It was probably the last time he saw Tara truly happy. The type of happiness that radiated off of her and filled him and Abel with their own happiness as well. She was at a peace that he has probably never seen in her before or since. Maybe their wedding day came close to it. And as always, that train of thought has him reaching for a pack of cigarettes, hopefully housing a joint. It isn't until his fingers touch the small black phone inside the pocket that he decides to call Brooke and check on the boys. "Shit," comes his muttered curse when he sees a total of seven missed calls. Ignoring the voicemail icon, he quickly scrolls for the names of the missed calls. Two numbers have no name identification but the rest are a mixture of his house, the clubhouse, and the line that goes directly into TM.

"What's wrong?" Jax demands when a panicked Brooke answers his home phone. He's already throwing his leg over his bike and reaching for his helmet.

"Where the hell are you, Jax?" Brooke demands breathlessly. "They keep calling..."

"Who?" Were the guys trying to get ahold of him at the house? Rat saw him leave, damnit! "Are the boys ok?"

"What?" The confusion is clear in the babysitter's rushed words. "They're fine. Asleep. Why wouldn't they be ok?"

"I don't know." Jax takes a deep breath. "Maybe because you've blown up my phone with a bunch of other calls."

"Because the hospital called." Brooke clarifies in exasperation.

"Hospital?" Panic grips his chest tightly. "Tara?!"

"Yup, baby time." Brooke's grin is automatic. "They took her to Stockton Memorial."

"Fuck!" Why did he ride all the way out here again? "I'm two hours out!"

"Well..." Brooke begins but is obviously interrupted. "Wait! Ah, Bobby..."

"Where the hell are you?" Bobby demands. He came by the house looking for Jax, after the hospital called the clubhouse and he couldn't be reached on his cell.

"Mount Walker." Jax is already kicking his throttle.

"Shit!" Bobby sighs.

"I'll be there." His adamant reply leaves Bobby with no doubt that the MC President would be pushing the limit the whole way there.

"I tried to call the hospital, you know to speak to her, check on her." Bobby gently tells his leader. "No phone and they wouldn't let me talk to her."

Meaning Tara has no clue whether he was coming or not. "I'll need someone to meet me at the hospital." Jax seriously doubted he would gain entrance to his wife's room with a kutte and carrying weapons. He disconnects the call and secures his helmet before speeding off to his laboring wife.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"This is bullshit!" Forty five minutes later, finds an irate Tara once again shouting at the nurse. "You mean to tell me, there isn't another available anesthesiologist in the ENTIRE building?"

"Sir, take my word for it, you don't want to go in there." The male guard stationed outside of Tara's door warns Jax blandly. "If you don't have an epidural in hand, even handcuffed, she might kill you."

"You have my wife handcuffed?" The out of breath husband demands just as the door to the chaotic room opens and he gets a glimpse of his distraught wife before hearing her desperate voice once again.

"Where the HELL have you been?" She manages to scream before the door shuts behind the nurse who rushes hurriedly down the corridor.

"Jackson Teller, I presume?" The guard stands.

"Yea." The out of sorts' biker nods. "I have to get in there." He pushed well beyond the seventy mph speed limit to get here quickly.

"You have any weapons? Any paraphernalia?" At Jax's confused look the guard confirms, "I'm going to need to pat you down before I grant you access."

Jax wants to rage, to demand who this asshole thinks he is, but he knows that will only delay his availability to Tara. He may have only caught a glimpse of her briefly but he knew she needed him in there. So for once, he decides not to break bad and show this asshole what was up. Instead, Jackson Teller, MC President shuts the hell up and opened his arms for the piece of shit, prison guard.

"Tara, babe." He whispers softly, noting the female guard sitting on the inside of the room, as the door shuts behind him. "I'm so sorry. I got here as quick as I could."

Her eyes remain on the window on her left side as she whispers softly, "Where were you, Jax?"

"Mount Walker." He heads to her bedside but freezes when her head whips around and he's met with her frosty glare.

"With who?" She demands, suddenly the painful contractions give her a renewed energy.

Why the hell would she even assume he'd be in _their_ place with anyone other than her or their boys but he answers her just the same, "No one!"

"Whatever." She snorts and forces herself to turn around and look out the window again. She closes her eyes and tries to breathe as she's hit with another blinding contraction. She waits for it to pass and notes Jax is still frozen in the same spot he was in before. "You can go, get back to whatever it is."

"Tara..." He sighs. "I'm sorry."

No, she's sorry. Sorry that she was so desperate for him to even be here. Sorry that she wants him here after he was obviously out in the middle of the night doing God knows what or whom. "I'll be fine." She assures him icily.

"No, you won't." He growls in frustration. "And I won't be either." He nods at the guard who is now standing before walking over to the bedrail with renewed determination. "I don't want to miss this again, Tara. And I'm sorry I wasn't there when you called. But I couldn't sleep, so I went for a ride."

"Alone?" She asks, hating the desperation she feels and praying he can't hear it in her voice. She can already envision some blond skank riding bitch with the promise of a blowjob later.

"YES!" Who in the hell would she think he'd take to _their_ place for Christ sake? He brushes her soaked bangs back to look into her eyes. "I'm here now. Tell me what to do."

Now who's desperate? She can't help but laugh. "Want to have this baby for me?" She take a deep breath and she feels the beginnings of yet another painful contraction and again turns her head.

He gently cups her chin and forces her to look at him. "I would if I could." He whispers tenderly.

She laughs. "You're so full of shit, Teller."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He can't take this shit. He wants to fall apart. But he has to buck up for her. His Tara was always so strong. And even though she was in so much obvious pain, she awed him with her grace.

"Tell me where to find an anesthesiologist." He whispers as he gives her another spoonful of crushed ice. "This is melting. Want me to get you more?"

"No." She tells him. "And as much as I'd love to send you in the direction of a deadbeat anesthesiologist..." She pauses and he knows another contraction is about to hit. He thinks he's worked out the pattern by now, her breaths come out in a rugged pattern and the lines on the machine form a raised pattern. He puts his hand in hers, waiting for the death grip to take over, which it does. He pushes back her drenched bangs for what now feels like the hundredth time as he waits for her pain to subside. When it does, she continues, "You'll only get yourself booted out of here."

"I can't stand seeing you in pain." He frowns.

"How did you think this would be?" She smiles. "It's not so bad, I have to be making progress..." Tara looks over when the nurse comes back into the room.

"Feeling any pressure, Mrs. Teller?" She asks, in a disgustingly sweet voice.

"I don't know." The brunette chuckles. "I'm feeling pressure but I'm not sure it's the 10 centimeter, 100 percent effaced, and ready to push pressure."

"Want me to check?"

"Yea." Tara slides down the table, as far as the handcuff on her left wrist would allow, and pretends not to notice the way her husband tenses.

"Okay, you're going to feel some pressure..." The nurse warns. Tara take a deep breath and Jax squeezes her hand in support. "Congrats, mom, you're moving right along. Seven centimeters and about seventy percent. Sac still intact."

"UGH!" Tara groans in frustration.

"Hey! Babe, you're almost there." Jax is suddenly encouraging her. "You got this momma, I'm right here." And just when she thinks he can't possibly get any sweeter, he take his hand and lifts her hospital gown up. His lips are against her stomach as he softly tells the baby, "Okay, my stubborn little girl, we love you and are ready to meet you. Let's give momma a break and come out already." Tara tries unsuccessfully to blink back the tears as both the nurse and guard sigh at sight of Jackson Teller, convicted felon, talking softly to his unborn child. He drops a kiss to her stomach and takes the opportunity to run his hand across it, pushing back the guilt over not being able to feel their child grow for the last nine months. "What about one of those big things to help speed things up?" He asks Tara, after clearing his throat.

"What big thing?" Her voice is thick, and it is definitely not from the next contraction that she can feel the beginning again.

He scans his brain for what he's read in all the pregnancy and birth books. "The big ball thing?!" He automatically grips her hand, and although he thinks she'll cut the circulation, he drops a kiss to the outside of her palm.

Rather than answer his question about the birthing ball, as she slows her breathing and relaxes, she tugs on her left wrist to remind him that she's strapped to this bed. "Do you even have one of those things?" He asks the nurse.

"A birthing ball?" She smiles but it drops from her face almost immediately. "We do, in our birthing center, right down the hall. But I'm afraid we can't get one for your wife."

"Why the hell not?" He demands.

"Jax!" Tara bites out warningly. He has to be careful. This guard would have him tossed out in a heartbeat.

"It's against policy, Mr. Teller." The female guard, stands from her post by the door, to inform everyone in the room. "Mrs. Teller has to remain handcuffed at all times."

"At all times? She's having a baby! Where the fuck do you think she's going?" He demands, but to everyone's surprise, except Tara's, his voice never rises. It remains low, threatening, calculated.

"Jackson!" Tara hisses. "I'm fine." She tugs his hand, trying to draw his attention back to her and away from his current situation. She looks around, desperately attempting to redirect his focus. "I...I want more ice, please."

He glares at both the nurse and guard before dropping a hard kiss to her forehead, "I'll be right back." His words are a promise as he picks the Styrofoam cup and heads out.

She begins to worry about him and the trouble he is no doubt finding when ten minutes (or more accurately three whole contractions) pass by and there is no sign of her husband. Before she can use the call button and irritate her nurse for the hundredth time, she breathes a sigh of relief when her gorgeous biker comes through the door, wearing the smirk that could make a nun blush. "What have you done?"

"Sorry that took so long." He ignores her question and offers her a spoonful of fresh ice. "I was looking into that birthing ball thing."

"Jax, it's going..."

The male guard stationed outside of the room enters and clears his throat. "You can uncuff her long enough to use the restroom and get on the ball." He tells the female guard stationed inside. "Once on the ball, she needs to be cuffed again. Warden cleared it."

Bullshit! Tara gives Jax a look. The warden didn't clear this and everyone in the room knows the truth. Although, she has to piss so she isn't going to complain or worry about the ramifications right now. Hopefully, the other felon in the room knew what he was doing. The second the cuff is loosened, Tara is out of the bed in a flash and rushing for the bathroom. She gives no thought to anything other than relieving herself, that is until she catches her appearance in the mirror whilst washing her hands. Holy shit! She looks rough, she desperately looks for a comb or brush to give some order to her hair when another contraction hits.

"Babe?" Jax finds her breathing heavily and gripping the small sink when he opens the door. "Why didn't you call me?" He rubs her exposed back and pretends to focus on her breathing and not on the amazingly bare ass he hasn't had the enjoyment of in months.

"Teller?" He's brought out of his thoughts when she clears her throat. Immediately, he pops his head up and meets her gaze and knowing smirk in the mirror. "Contraction's over."

He doesn't even bother to deny the fact that she's caught him red handed. "Yea, that was a rough one." He matches her smirk knowingly.

"Ugh!" She smacks him and smiles naturally for the first time in what feels like months before noting the female guard watching them through the cracked door with her arms crossed. "I was trying to find a comb before you came in and starting molesting me with her eyes."

"You don't need a comb." He tugs her hand and leads her out the door and she bunches the sides of her gown in the back with the free hand. Hospital gowns sucked. No matter how you looked at it, they were not made for modesty. "You look amazing." Actually, her unruly hair looked just fucked and he loved it. Besides, he planned on having his hands in it again anyway, so the comb would be pointless. "And they brought your ball in."

Tara hadn't been on one of these in ages. Since med school rotations actually. "You're going to have to hold it still." She warns, making sure he is before she even attempts to sit down on it. "Oh, this feels great!" She groans in surprise, admitting only to herself that she was doubtful this would make much of a difference. The guard picks up her right hand and cuffs it to the bed. She's momentarily grateful for the hand switch before another contraction starts.

"Alright babe, breathe through it." Jax encourages, almost sounding like a damn doula as he rubs her back. "You got this!" As the contraction winds down, she leans back into his embrace. "For the next one, you have to keep your feet flat and your knees at a ninety degree angle."

"Jax?" She smiles, enjoying his hands working magic on her back,

He can't help but drop a kiss to her shoulder that has been exposed by the gown. "Yea?"

"How do you know about birth balls?" She suspects she already knows.

He shrugs. "I've been reading." Margaret had dropped off a box of Tara's office belongings to the house and curiosity got the best of him. When he saw a book about the stages and development of a baby during pregnancy, he couldn't stop himself. It was the only way to know what was going on with Tara and their child. Once he finished that book, he couldn't stop and ended up reading a book on labor in her box as well.

Of course he was. Tara closes her eyes against the emotions building up. Having him here, so attentive by her side, it was easy to pretend they were just another couple, happily expecting their third baby.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long later there is a rapid knock on the door and a man in dark scrubs enters. "I hear someone wants an epidural." He smiles and Tara wants to throw something at the cocky bastard. Did she attract these kind of men or what?

"About time you showed up." She sighs.

"Sorry about that." His grin informs her that he isn't sorry at all. "We need to move her to the bed." He nods to the guard as the nurse comes in and starts to help the anesthesiologist set up.

Jax is a bit lost as the guard moves Tara to the side of the bed. "Don't go anywhere Dad." The nurse, whose nametag reads "Cathy" informs him. "We're going to need you in a second." To the guard she nods, "You can wait close by but Mrs. Teller needs to remain uncuffed for this procedure." Jax takes it all in as they place a pillow in Tara's lap. "Okay Dad, go stand in front of her, we need her to curl over the pillow into your embrace."

Jax watches as the doctor opens a long needle. "Where the hell are you putting that?" He demands_. No way, no fucking way_, were they inserting that thing into his wife. _Uh-uh, not fucking happening_.

"Jax!" Tara's laugh turns into a grimace. "You guys are going to have to wait." She groans over her shoulder as Jax moves her bangs to the side and holds her hand.

As the contraction subsides, the doctor notes, "Nice tat."

Jax immediately stiffens and glares at the doc. "Jackson." Tara whispers for his ears only. "Don't. Please." He would ask what she's talking about but it would be futile. They both know how he feels about the tat. _It's his. It's hers. It's theirs_. And they both knew that nice tat was code for you look hot. "Uh...Um...you haven't started yet? Have you?"

"No, why?" The doc automatically leans back.

"I feel pressure." Tara admits after a deep breath.

"Of course you do." Cathy replies dryly. "Change of plans, let's lean you back and check ya."

Tara is about to tell the idiot that she should have been checked before they even prepped her for the epidural but she doesn't get one single word out before she scoots back and feels a stream running down her leg. "Water broke." She wonders if her tone matches the nurses.

"Dr. Burke," The nurse smiles at the anesthesiologist, "on your way out" because obviously he wouldn't be needed now, "can you tell someone at the desk that Mrs. Teller is ready to push?"

"Not ready," Tara corrects on a painful groan, "I'm pushing. Now."

"Ah, agh...not yet!" The nurse frantically starts pulling out equipment.

"I need to push!" Tara is adamant. Jax pushes the button to raise the bed up because she looks so uncomfortable. "Jax!"

"Babe," He grabs her hand and kisses it. "Tell me what to do..." It's the second time in the last few hours that he's pleaded for her help.

"Grab my leg." Tara moans. "And hold it up."

"Mrs. Teller, I understand you feel pressure and want to push but please just give me a minute..." Cathy hits the nurses call button.

"IT BURNS!" Tara growls, "And I AM pushing with this next contraction so either wait for a baby or grab my other damn leg!"

"Babe, calm down." He tries to sooth.

"Shut the fuck up Jackson!" Her teeth are clenched. "When your dick is burning and something at least six pounds is coming out of it, then you can be calm." Oh, shit! Her back raises off the bed.

"The cervix is favorable, Mrs. Teller." Chatty Cathy informs her. "If you can hold your leg, I'll massage the perineum."

"Massage the who?" Jax asks, wondering what exactly he's going to do to earn a living for the rest of his life because he's pretty sure he'll be useless as a mechanic or on a bike after Tara's death grip on his hand.

"Just count to ten for us, Mr. Teller." Cathy has quickly realized that Jax needed a specific job to do, as do most fathers because they are clueless. "Come on, Mrs. Teller..."

"Tara!" She pants. "For fuck's sake, just call me Tara!"

Cathy actually laughs. It must be nice to laugh and not feel like your pussy is on fire. "Okay, Tara. You're almost there. Station two!"

Tara pushes through the contraction and takes a deep breath. "I can't do this."

"I think he or she may be sunny side up." Cathy announces as she presses the call button and informs the desk.

"Ugh!" Tara throws her body back. "Of course she's sunny side up. She's a fucking Teller-Knowles gene pool, always gotta do shit the hard...Oh God!"

"Tara, listen to me." Jax soothes, "I don't know what the fuck sunny side up is but I KNOW you can do this. You're amazing, babe." He helps her sit up because it's apparent that she's about to push again. "You've been amazing this whole time and you're almost to the finish line...I know..."

"Okay, Tara, here it is." Cathy interrupts, never taking her eyes off the monitor. "Take a deep breath and bear down for me...One...Two..."

"How about you throw me a solid, kid, and momma too." Jax talks to her stomach once again.

"You may have more luck down this way, Mr. Teller..." Cathy smirks. Jax looks down and feels faint when he makes out the obvious head of brown hair.

"Is that? Holy shit, Tara!" Jax chuckles. "Tara, I can see her head, BABE!"

"Like a lot?" Tara sighs when the contraction subsides.

Suddenly there is less of a head than Jax saw before. "What happened?" He demands from the nurse. "Why is she going back in?" He didn't get it. He knew first-hand how amazing Tara's pussy was but babies weren't supposed to go back in, they were supposed to come out and stay the hell out!

"Didn't read that in your book, Teller?" Tara teases. At his panicked look she adds, "It's completely normal. More will come out with the next...NOW!"

So much was happening at once. Jax notes the guard moving to give what he assumes is the delivery doctor a view. But for the life of him, he can't focus on all that outside shit. All he can do in this moment is watch Tara as she pushes with everything she has to bring their baby into the world. She's sweaty. She's exhausted. She's _his_. She's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He sees lips moving but can't hear any sound. Suddenly Tara grabs his face and directs his vision between her legs and sure enough he comes face to face with the most tiny, adorable head he's ever seen. And in seconds, there is a whole body immediately plopped up on Tara and she's crying. Tara and the nurse are wiping the baby down with a blanket. Where the hell did that come from? He takes his eyes off the baby finally for the only thing that could ever take his attention away, Tara. He doesn't realize he's crying until she's wiping his tears. "Congratulations Daddy." She whispers. "You got your little girl." And Jax swears that she's never looked as beautiful as she does in this moment. And before he can think, before he can speak, Tara is grabbing his face and pulling him to her. And _nothing_ else, _no one else_, even exists in this moment besides the three of them. Suddenly Tara is kissing him with a fervor he hasn't felt from her in way too long. _The kiss is desperate. The kiss is passionate. The kiss is messy. The kiss is breathy. The kiss is everything. It breaks him. It heals him_. And it's over way too soon for his likening. He hears a voice but can't process it because he knows it isn't Tara's and she's the only voice that matters right now. "YES! Yes, he wants to!" She laughs and that finally gets his attention.

"Wants to what?" He clears his throat but it's useless because he face is still wet from his own tears and his voice is raw.

"Cut the cord, Jackson." Tara smiles.

"I...I don't know, Tara." He finally touches the tiny bundle laying on Tara and notes that momma already has a secure arm around their daughter. "I don't want to hurt her."

"You won't." She assures him. "The cord is tougher than it looks. And so is she." He looks at her in wonder and she chuckles. "You'll regret this if you don't do it. This is your only chance..." with me...she can't bring herself to say the words but they are implied and it breaks her heart to think about the fact that he may have more children with another woman someday.

"Tara..." Holy shit, he doesn't know what to say. Does she really think he wants this with anyone else? She's always been the only person who knew him, knew his soul, but now...

"Jax, it's okay." She smiles through her tears. "You can't keep them waiting. Do it, Daddy, cut the cord." His handshakes as he holds the scissors. Ironically, they feel like the most dangerous weapon he's ever had in his possession as he listens to the doctor tell him where to cut. Tara was right, the cord was tougher than he imagined. And just like that, his baby girl is no longer attached to her momma. But it's no use, because _just like Tara, just like Abel and Thomas, this little girl owns him._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: My arc or point of this story, take us past Tara's jail sentence. That being said, expect a time jump soon ;) Enjoy angst lovers. **

**Chapter 8**

Tara awakens just a bit later to the soft sounds of their baby crying but before she can ask her husband to help her, she sees him quietly picking up their tiny bundle from the bassinet. "I bet you're hungry." He whispers softly. "And I know you need mom for that. But how about we let her sleep just a little longer? I'm not giving you a hard time but I think you wore her out, darlin'"

"You are not calling our daughter, darlin'" Her voice is hoarse and she tries to laugh but it doesn't quite come out that way.

"Why not?" His smirk indicates that he already knows exactly why. "_Babe_ is already taken."

"So is darlin'" She retorts with an eye roll. _By your harem, Teller._

"Not anymore." He vows. "And I wouldn't have to call her anything, if she had a name." Her cry indicates her agreement and they both smile. The doting father finally gives up on fulfilling the baby's needs as he kisses her head softly and brings her to her awaiting momma.

"Thank you." Comes the exhausted mom's reply. She's thankful that the guard has placed the cuff around her ankle. Now she has two free hands to tend to Ms. Impatience demands. As Tara unbuttons her gown and begins to nurse, she says, "I guess you have a point. We should talk about a name." When he doesn't respond, she lifts her eyes up to find his hungry gaze watching her. She knows that look, and sure enough when she looks down, she finds a bulge in his jeans. "Seriously, Jax?" She aims for a disgusted look but is pretty sure her laugh refutes it.

"What? Sorry!" He shrugs. "But it's fucking hot, Tara." He whispers.

"Yea, hot." She rolls her eyes. She feels the complete opposite of sexy at the moment but has to admit, if only to herself, that it feels good to be desired. "A name, Teller. Focus on a name."

"Anything you want." He grins, pulling the chair closer to her bed and sitting. "You did all the work. You get to name her."

"I named Thomas." She reminds him as she moves the baby to her right breast. It was too soon for her to get enough colostrum from one breast alone.

"Yea, for me." His sad smile is followed by sigh. "Seriously, babe? What names do you like?"

"I don't know." Her mouth moves left to right in thought. "Something classic…timeless…."

"Grace?" He's always loved his wife's middle name.

"No." She shuts it down immediately with a firm shake of her head.

"I love Grace!" He sighs in disappointment. "Hannah?" Headshake tells him it's a negative. "Mya? Lily? Paige? Lu…"

"I like Paige!" She interrupts.

"Me too." He agrees, truthfully he would have agreed to anything just to give her what she wants.

"So, Paige? Paige what?" He swallows, as he hands her the water she is pointing to.

"Olivia." She sips her water. "Olivia Paige? What'cha think?"

"Olivia Paige." The name settles over him. "Olivia Paige, sounds like a strong name for a strong girl. Olivia Grace? He tries one more time."

"No!" She laughs.

"Olivia Paige it is!" He stands, drops a kiss to Tara's head and reaches for their newly named daughter. Tara sips her water as she watches Jax get the things ready to change Olivia's diaper. And as expected, when he opens up the diaper for the first dirty change, she laughs as he asks, "Eww, what in the hell is this, Tara?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Maconium issues have passed as dawn breaks when Jax asks, "Do you want the boys here before or after school?"

She immediately lights up at the prospect of seeing their sons, "I want to see them now." Tara deflates, "But Abel will probably not have a good school day if we comes here and then doesn't want to leave."

Daddy shrugs, "We'll let him stay home then. Mommy did just have a baby." His smile is contagious.

"It's not really worth the few minutes they'll probably let him stay." A concerned frown mares her features.

"Did they mention anything about a visiting policy?" He probably should have thought about that sooner. If these idiots thought he was leaving his wife or daughter, they had another thing coming. When she shakes her head, he adds, "I'll go see what's up." He returns with a wide grin a few moments later. "Fifteen minutes for all visitors…."

The disappointment is immediate. "Fifteen minutes? That's all? That's not enough time to see my boys. That's…."

"You didn't let me finish." He interrupts. "Fifteen minutes for grandparents. Unlimited time for siblings and daddy."

"Unlimited?" Her smile is radiant. "Let's do it. They'll probably get bored quickly but…." She would tolerate fifteen minutes of Gemma just to have unlimited time with her boys.

"We'll take it." His smile matches hers. "Let me make a few calls."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nothing, absolutely nothing, including Gemma lurking in the doorway, can take away Tara's happiness as her boys rush up to her bedside with jubilant shouts of "Mommy!" Abel doesn't even bother waiting for Jax's assistance before he uses the bedrail to help him climb the bed and snuggle with his mom as he checks out the pink bundle in her arms.

"So what'cha think?" Jax asks, joining them with Thomas. He can't seem to erase his smile either. "Looks like you guys have a little sister to protect."

"She's pretty." Abel smiles. "Baby!" Thomas chants. Both boys lean in to touch Olivia.

"Wait!" Jax jumps up to get the hand sanitizer. Tara laughs as he applies some to both boys. "Grandma, you can wash your hands in the sink." Jax nods in the direction of the bathroom.

"Seriously, Jackson?" Gemma rolls her eyes but goes in the bathroom anyway. She can't help but smile at the sight of Jax, half sitting/half standing by the bed, Thomas in his lap, holding Olivia. She makes her way over to them, ignoring the woman filling up the other half of that bed. "A girl, huh? What the hell are we going to do with a girl?" She lifts the baby from her son and grandson's embrace. It's hard to determine her thoughts because her head is bent and she takes in the sight of her only granddaughter.

"Accept that there is yet another queen in my life." He smirk speaks for itself as does Tara's snort.

Gemma glares at Tara, who meets it with a glare of her own but not surprisingly doesn't back down, "Guess I have to take back all the newborn boy shit I bought?"

Both parents immediately stiffen at the comment, for differing reasons. "Actually, you can take everything back but you don't need to exchange it, unless you are sending it with Tara."

Tara isn't sure who's face to look upon, at Gemma's confused one or Jax's tentative one. "Why the hell would she need baby clothes in jail?"

"Liv's going to be going back with Tara." A hesitant deep breath is followed by a quick explanation, "Tara was approved for the mother and baby ward, so sh-"

"What baby and mother ward? What in the hell are you talking about Jackson?" Olivia responds with a wail to her shrieking grandmother. "Why am I just hearing about this?"

"Mom, don't start." Jax sighs as he reaches for his daughter from his mother's embrace. "Don't upset the kids. We can talk about this later."

"No, we'll talk about this right now." The angry woman steps around to the other side of the bed, finally paying attention to her daughter in law. "A prison is no place for a baby! What kind of mother are you? What is this some way to keep your hooks in my son? This baby be-"

"Mom!"

"Grandma! Stop!"

"Your time is up Mrs. Morrow!" The guard at the door is firm.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Gemma shrieks.

"Yes, you are." The guard places one hand on her cuffs and the other on her weapon, trying to relay a subtle message and not scare the kids, who are obviously already upset.

"Gemma, you need to leave." Tara's voice is adamant as she consoles an upset Abel and Thomas.

"I'll leave!" Gemma grabs her purse and stalks over to the door. "But mark my words, Tara, that baby won't be leaving with you. She belongs on the outside, with her family…."

"Mom!" Jax raises his voice, which only makes the boys upset again. "LEAVE!"

Tara looks at Jax, so many questions and thoughts present in her olive eyes but she can't voice them right now. Not when the boys are so upset and confused.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Get it, Thomas!" Jax laughs as he kicks the ball to his toddler. Thomas picks the ball up and throws it, barely making it three feet.

"It's soccer Tommy!" Abel tells his brother sternly. "No hands, just feet!" Why didn't little brother's understand anything? He has told him not to pick up the ball before!

"Abel," the concerned father admonishes, "it's okay. Tommy is still little. He…"

"Mr. Taylor says we don't use hands in soccer!" The agitated kindergartener interrupts.

"Who is Mr. Taylor?" Jax picks up a confused Tommy. He sits down and opens his arm to Abel.

"My teacher." His arms are crossed and his stance tells daddy that he doesn't want him right now. "Can we go back inside? I want mommy."

"Mommy's resting." He takes a deep breath and tries to remember to be patient, that Abel is only five. "And we are talking."

"I don't want to talk!" He stomps. "I want mommy!"

"Abel!" Before Jax can control it, the child's name comes out of his mouth sternly. "Come here, please." The sigh that follows is one of frustration. "I just want to talk to you. Then we'll go see mommy." Blue eyes are locked on identical blue eyes in a battle of wills and he practically sobs in relief when Abel plops down beside him. "What's wrong, buddy? Talk to me."

"Tommy keeps touching the ball!" Was daddy not even listening or watching? Didn't he see Tommy pick up the ball?

"I know." Jax chuckles. "But Tommy is still a baby an-"

"Tommy isn't the baby anymore!" Abel clarifies. "Baby Olivia is the baby!"

"She is." Dad agrees. "But Tommy is still little. He's not even two yet. He has a lot to learn. We'll teach him to kick the ball, okay?"

"Mommy showed me how to do it!" Abel replies excitedly. "Maybe when Mommy gets home, she'll teach him!"

"Or you and I can do it?" The suggestion makes him anxious to hear his son's reply.

"Okay!" Abel smiles before whispering, "Mommy is a girl. Boys kick better than girls, right Daddy?"

"Yes, but don't ever tell Mommy." He takes his free hand and tickles his oldest son. "Or she may kick us. And trust me, mommy kicks hard." Listening to both his son's laugh, Jax tries not to think about the fact that he isn't the one who teaches the kids things or the fact that he had no clue Abel had a teacher named Mr. Taylor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Did you guys have fun?" Tara smiles at her boys, all three of them, as they enter the room. "Burn some energy?" Her last question is directed to her husband.

"We played soccer." Abel informs her as he climbs on the bed. "Daddy says boys kick better than girls."

"Oh really?" Tara tries to glare at Jax but her grin defeats it.

"You little trader," The biker advances on his son slowly, "I'm pretty sure you said it and I just agreed."

"Yea, sure…." Mom rolls her eyes. "You do realize, that not only is mommy a girl, but you have a little sister now?"

"I know!" The five year old smiles. "Maybe she won't pick up the ball all the time like Tommy."

Tara notices Jax stiffen and meets his gaze. "Well, she probably will. Babies usually pick up the ball. They don't understand soccer right away."

"Tommy's not a baby anymore. Olivia is a baby." What didn't mommy and daddy understand?

"True." Tara nods at the bundle in her arms. Jax takes the hint and grabs the hand sanitizer before he picks up the baby. "What's wrong, Abel?" She asks, once Jax has the baby. He swoops Thomas up with Tara as well.

"Nothing." Abel shrugs, leaning into his mother's embrace.

"Nothing?" Tara smiles, against his head. "Do you know how much mommy and daddy love you?" Abel nods. "I know things have been kind of crazy." She takes a deep breath. "Mommy's not home. You're in school now. Lots of new people. Mommy just had a baby. But none of that is your fault. Or Tommy's fault. Okay, monster?"

"Okay." Abel replies.

"Mommy misses you guys so much." She chokes back a sob and refuses to look at her husband. "But you are doing great! You're a great big brother and a great student and a great son! You make mommy and daddy so happy." She drops another kiss on his head. "And I know sometimes it gets hard when your little brother doesn't listen to you and when he follows you everywhere."

"He does!" Abel rolls his eyes.

"But that's only because he loves you sooooooooo much!" Mommy reminds him. "And he'll learn a lot from daddy and mommy but he'll learn the most from…." she tickles him briefly, "you. So, think we can be a little more patient?"

"I guess." Abel sighs but smiles. "Sorry I was mean, stinky monkey."

Tara meets Jax's gaze and takes in his perplexed look. She would love to delve into it but a part of her is afraid to let him share his heart with her. "I think maybe monkey and monster need some lunch."

"I called." He informs her. "Got someone bringing us lunch. Your favorite from Lumpy's."

"Really?" Her smile is genuine. She can practically taste the BLT and fries that she craved on the inside.

"Yup, think about what you want for dinner." Hospital food was probably an upgrade from prison food. But by getting her some of her favorites, he felt it was at least something he could do, when he felt so useless otherwise. "And that's what we'll have."

"Sorry, bro." When Bobby arrives, it's obvious the guard will not let him in. "Strict policy." He shrugs.

"I get it." Bobby grumbles, handing Jax the large paper bag from Lumpy's. "I need to talk to you, Prez." He nods, so they can be out of earshot of the guard.

"What's up?" Jax asks, after moving a few feet although he doubts they're out of Tara's sight.

"Some shit went down with Alvarez and Marks." The club secretary is referencing a meeting that occurred earlier. "Might need you to soothe the babies."

"I have real babies to soothe." Jax is torn. He is the leader of this MC and knows he probably is in fact needed for this. "I can't leave Tara, right now." He sighs. "We have the boys here. No one else is allowed to stay with them." He doesn't want to leave his wife. He's spent too much time forced to be away from her. "You and Chibs need to handle it, bro."

"And if we can't?" Bobby hates to ask but he has spent years doing this shit. Sometimes, other leaders want to talk only to the person wearing the president patch.

"I don't know." The younger biker shrugs, "I got to get back in there." It wasn't like Tara could do much while cuffed to a bed. "Kids are hungry."

"Sure thing, boss." Bobby hugs him and pats him on the back. "Congratulations, Dad. A girl. Good thing we have access to guns."

Jax knew it was all in fun but for some reason, Bobby's words didn't sit right with him. "Give me a sec and I'll hold her up to the window." Jax enters the room and sits the bag down on the table as Abel, Thomas, and Tara smile and wave to him.

"Good thing she looks like her mother." Bobby winks at Tara, who blushes with a wide grin.

"Who's hungry?" Jax drops a kiss to Olivia's forehead just before placing her in the bassinet as the boys all shout that they are in fact hungry. He can feel Tara's eyes on him. "What?" He asks softly.

"You gotta go?" She asks, wondering what that will mean for her and the boys.

"Nah, babe." He gives her a smile and she can tell that he's torn. "I'm right where I need to be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thomas is napping on the loveseat when there is a knock on the door. Jax cringes a bit but Tara smiles wide when she realizes it's her friend, Margaret Murphy. "How did you get pass the guards?" Tara whispers when the older woman gives her a hug.

"Flashed my employee badge of course." Margaret smiles with a raised eyebrow. The guard in the hallway didn't even look close enough to realize she was an employee at another hospital. "And I come bearing gifts." Abel smiles at the older woman and reaches for her.

"Awww, you didn't have to do that." Tara smiles but reaches for the bag as she tries to adjust herself more comfortably in the bed. Both Jax and Margaret's eyes are drawn to Tara's ankle when the cuff clings against the railing it is attached to. Jax wants to shrink when he notes Tara's look of embarrassment. Automatically, he reaches for the sheet to cover it up. "Abel, do you want to help mommy open this?"

"Actually, I bought Abel and Thomas their own presents." Margaret smiles as she ruffles Abel's hair. "But Thomas is sleeping." She whispers.

"We should probably wake him up." Tara reminds Jax. "If we are going to try to keep him here and get him to sleep at a normal time."

"Yea, ok." Jax looks a bit flustered with Olivia in his arms and trying to figure out how to wake Thomas up.

Their guest reaches for the hand santitizer. "Here, I'll take the baby." Once she's in her arms she smiles wide, "Oh Tara, congratulations. She's beautiful." She leans against the bed and whispers to Abel, "So what do you think? Excited for a sister this time?"

Abel smiles but is too busy diving into his gift bag to reply. "Look Mommy, a shirt!" He pulls out a shirt that claims he's the "biggest brother".

"Awww, I love it!" Tara lights up. "Margaret? When did you have time to do this?"

"I have a friend that called me when you came in." The administrator explains. "So I cut out of St. Thomas at lunch. Thought I'd get you ready for when the photographer gets here."

Jax notes the look of discomfort that crosses his wife's face and makes a mental note to question Tara about it later. He is able to wake Thomas up and thankfully the toddler is in a good mood.

It isn't until later, as Margaret is about to leave that Cathy, the nurse from last night comes on duty again. "Tara? Or are we back to Mrs. Teller?"

The beautiful woman in question laughs, "Tara is fine."

"I hear that you are going to try to keep the boys here with you and dad tonight." Her statement sounds more like a question.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Jax asks.

"No, no problem as long as they behave." The nurse warns.

"I was thinking that perhaps the peds floor may have a few extra things to help keep them entertained?" Margaret suggests with a smile.

"I'll check." Cathy sighs and leaves.

"Your friend, I assume?" Tara asks with a raised eyebrow.

"She worked at St. Thomas. Briefly." Margaret gives the boys a hug. "Any idea when they are discharging you?"

"No idea." Tara admits with a frown. She doesn't want to leave her boys. "Probably tomorrow. Everything went well, no complications. The neonatal cardiologist already cleared Liv."

"Think they will let you take the outfits I bought?" Margaret didn't even think to ask about the policy regarding that beforehand.

"I think so. I hope so." Tara chuckles humorlessly. "She'll need to be clothed."

"Ok, well I have to get home." The petite redhead declares with a sigh. "Figure out what to make the girls and Dave for dinner." She gives Tara a hug. "I'll try to stop by before you get discharged."

"Thanks Margaret." Tara gives a sad smile. "For everything."

"Yes, thank you." Jax tells the administrator honestly. He watches her share a brief conversation with Cathy and thinks that it is also nice to know Tara has at least one confidante.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jax! Jackson!" Tara whispers harshly. No response. Damn him, since when is he a heavy sleeper? She picks up the nearest thing in her reach, a Milky Way that Jax had bought her from the vending machine, and throws it at him. The candy bar hits its intended target, Jax's head.

"What the-"Her husband jolts awake.

"Sorry!" The mischievous giggle sounds the complete opposite. "But I need you to wake the guard. I don't want to wake the kids." Abel is fast asleep next to her, Thomas is on Jax's chest and Olivia is fast asleep in her bassinet.

"Oh." He takes a minute to get his bearings. "It's fine, babe." He puts Thomas down on the loveseat gently and pauses a minute to see if he will awaken, thankfully he does not. "I hate this shit." He whispers, more to himself than his wife but she hears it anyway.

She ponders his words as he shakes the guard and asks for Tara's cuff to be loosened so she can use the bathroom. As she is relieving and cleaning herself up, she listens to the sounds of Jax caring for their daughter. His actions and whispered words soothe Tara and bring a light smile to her face. The guard has already fallen back to sleep when Tara finishes. She climbs back in the bed, moving Abel slightly.

"Want me to move him?" He smiles when Abel automatically maneuvers to cocoon his mother in every way he possibly can.

"No." Tara smiles as she takes Olivia from Jax. "Think I can fit Thomas up here, too?"

He laughs at both the thought and her desire to have all of her babies so close and ignores the flash of jealousy he feels at the fact that he can't be that close to her. "Sorry babe, I don't think it will work."

"I guess I should be happy that he even cuddled with me for the movie." She murmurs, thinking about how her boys surrounded her and tuned into Madagascar. She would have to be sure to thank Margaret and Cathy, the TV and games kept the boys busy all afternoon. It was as if the five of them were the only people who existed for the whole afternoon. The guard mindlessly playing on her cellphone didn't even disturb them. In fact, they disturbed the guard more than anything every time she needed to be uncuffed. "I think you can probably escape for a bit." Tara tells Jax. With the guard knocked out and the brief reprieve from the cuffs she should be okay for a bit.

"Escape?" He chuckles softly at her choice of words. "Why? Where would I go?"

"I don't know." She shrugs as Olivia latches on. "Whatever that was earlier with Bobby."

Even if he managed to get by the guard outside, did she really think he would leave? "I'm right where I want to be." He swallows the lump in his throat as he half sits on the bed and watches her nourish their daughter.

He's not prepared at all for the way she looks up at him, even with the muted lights in the room he can see the tears pool in her beautiful olive orbs. "I'll never forget this, you know?" He can't make his mouth ask what she's talking about. He couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat even if he wanted to.

"How amazing you've been. With me. With the boys. With the baby." She has to look away then, because if she doesn't the tears will fall. This day, this special day with her family, it was worth every second of heartbreak that lead her here. This day was what she would hold onto when she was away from them and didn't think she could go on.

"Tara…." But she won't look at him and her hands are cradling a suckling Olivia. So instead he drops a kiss on her exposed shoulder. "I love you, babe."

After several minutes of silence while he watches his girls, Tara clears her throat. "Why didn't you tell Gemma about the maternity ward?"

He sighs, most conversations he and Tara have concerning his mother do not end well. "It's none of her business." He hopes she doesn't push it further. He never wants to admit out loud that he was afraid that he if Gemma knew, she'd find some way to sabotage it. And he definitely doesn't want to ponder what that says about his mother or their relationship.

She snorts, "Now our life isn't any of her business?" She knows Jax well enough to know there is more to his decision but doesn't push, afraid of where it will all lead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tara awakens on a high. Not even the piss poor sleep or the nurses coming in to check on Olivia every three hours could ruin her mood. In a few hours, she and Olivia would be alone in a concrete cell. She will save her bitterness for then. She laughs when the photographer comes in and starts going over portrait packages with her. Her eyes nearly bulge out of socket at the price, she knew they were expensive but damn they've increased. "We'll just get one of Olivia and some of the kids together?" She looks up at Jax to get his thoughts.

He looks at the paper listing the prices in her hand. "We'll get as many as you want."

"You **_HAVE_** to get a family portrait!" The very bubbly, very young photographer exclaims. "You're such a good-looking bunch." Her blush is instant and Tara tries to hide a grin. _Oh honey, you wouldn't even have a clue what to do with him. _

For once, Jax is oblivious to the attention. "We are." He agrees, and thinks that it'll be months, maybe longer before they can take another picture together. "Let's do it."

"You want that?" Tara laughs. It wasn't that he didn't like taking pictures. He did. They even had a few of them together with a kid or two. But they were all taken by someone random snapping shots at a party or event. Nothing professional or planned ever.

"I want that." He smiles at her and Tara forgets all about the photographer with a crush.

"I want to too!" Abel shouts and his parents doubt he even knows what he wants other than to be included.

Her laugh is genuine, "Oh then!" Damn, she really wishes she had some makeup other than the lipgloss Jax brought up from the gift shop.

Her good mood is interrupted by the outside guard. "There's a Wendy Case here, says she's here to pick up the boys."

Jax watches as Tara instantly deflates. He looks over the guards shoulder and sees Wendy. "Why are you here so early?" _And really, why the hell are you here at all?_

"To take Abel to school." Wendy looks at him as though he's an idiot.

"He isn't going today." The conversation back and forth makes Tara uncomfortable and judging from the way Abel is crawling in her lap, he's uncomfortable too.

"I thought Tara was getting discharged today." Wendy states.

"I am." The woman in question speaks for herself. "But we were planning on spending as much time together as possible." _Get the fuck out of here you stupid, weak junkie._ Tara would like to think the junkie would at the very least stay clean while she was in jail but Wendy looked horrible.

"Well, I wasn't sure if Abel's homework was even done." She holds up the Transformers bookbag as though it is her mother of the year prize.

"Leave it." Jax's tone is dismissive at best, arctic at worst. "I'll call you if we need you."

Tara and Jax quickly change the boys into the adorable new shirts Margaret bought them before Tara steps in the bathroom to try and do something with her appearance. She almost laughs, thinking she would rather take the pics in this hospital gown than her department of correction orange uniform, and for that she is grateful. As she comes out and the photographer positions the family on and around the bed, neither notices Wendy watching with contempt from the hallway. Nor do they notice the photographer snapping shots of just the two of them. As usual, when they are in sync, they hardly notice anything or anyone outside of each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lowen arrives to see Tara flipping out on Jax in a hushed whisper with nothing but a backpack and some papers between them. She knocks on the door and clears her throat, "Bad time?"

"No, Ally." Tara sighs. "It fine."

Jax, for once is grateful for Lowen's interruption, as Tara was fit to be tied over the state of Abel's schoolwork. Apparently neither Gemma, Wendy, nor Brooke were qualified to check over kindergarten assignments. He also is curious. When Jax made a vending machine run last night, Tara asked him to call Ally and see if she could swing by before she was discharged. "Do you need me to leave?" He hopes not as he wants to know why she needs the lawyer.

"No." Tara acts as though he's being ridiculous. "This won't even take long. I want to go over Abel's homework for the week."

"I'll get your checkbook and mail." Ally smiles, and opens her briefcase. "And then I'm holding a baby."

"Olivia." Jax supplies. "And wash your hands or use the sanitizer." Both Tara and Lowen smile at the overprotective father. He watches as Tara opens a few envelopes and ponders some things before reaching on her small tray for a pen.

"Ally, this has to get to the school ASAP." Tara writes out a check for Abel's tuition. At Ally's look, she reminds the lawyer, "It's already late." She looks at her husband. "And Jax, I'm signing Abel up for the homework club on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so make sure whoever picks him up on those days knows to pick him up forty-five minutes later than usual."

"What account are you paying that from?" He is clueless when it comes to anything other than cash. In fact, he never had a bank account until Tara rolled back into his life.

(Memory from 2009)

_"Tara, I went to pay the gas and electric today." Jax says immediately when he enters his home. He sees Tara in the kitchen, with a seven month old Abel on her hip. In the other hand, she's holding a spoon over a pot on the stove. This, right here, is exactly what he always imagined their life as being. It does something to him, stirs something so deep in his chest, to see Tara taking care of Abel like he's her own. _

_"Hi honey, how was your day?" Tara smiles sarcastically. She hands him Abel and kisses him too quickly for his liking. _

_"Honey? That's new." His smile is immediate and for a minute he forgets that he has an issue to take up with her. "My day was fine, Babe. Until I remembered that I haven't paid the utility bill in months." _

_"Uh-huh." She smiles, stirring the pot. _

_"So, I get there to see how much I'm up to and they tell me it's been paid." He struggles to get out of his kutte while holding a wiggly baby. Tara comes back and takes Abel. "Imagine my shock when they look up the account and tell me checks have been written by a Tara Knowles." _

_"What's the problem, Jax?" She takes a deep breath and gives him the side eye._

_"Why are you paying my bills?" He reaches for the handle on the fridge and pulls out a soda. _

_She rolls her eyes. "I practically live here." _

_"But you're paying utilities for an empty house too." Which brings him to another issue he'd like to discuss. Why the hell was she even hanging on to that shithole? She was here almost every night with him and Abel. They wanted her here permanently. _

_"Exactly, it's practically empty." She stirs the pot one last time and turns the burner off. He wonders how the hell she can do everything with Abel attached at the hip. "Look, I wasn't trying to overstep. I grabbed the mail one day and saw a turn-off notice at the top. Started thinking about how I was here the majority of the time and should pay my way. So I've been paying the bill." _

_"You didn't overstep." He can't stop himself from pulling both her and Abel into his embrace. Tara could never overstep. There wasn't anything in his personal life that he wouldn't give her, share with her. "It's not about that. I want to take care of you." He admits. He wasn't letting his old lady pay his way. He kisses her than and only pulls apart for his gurgling son._

_"You do take care of me, baby." She smiles at him and Abel like they are the only people in her world. _

"My personal one." His wife admits and at his confused look adds, "From the sale of my dad's house."

Jax's hand runs down his face and grips the back of his neck in tension. He had forgotten she sold the damn thing and never gave a thought about what she did with the money. Was she paying for all of Abel's school by herself? What else was she paying that he never considered? He had a lot of questions but nothing that he wants to get into with Lowen around.

"Ally, I put your email on a form this morning. It's for Olivia's newborn pictures." Tara wanted to look at them and choose herself but she didn't want to go through the embarrassment of the photographer having to get approval from the department of corrections.

"When they come through, just pick out the best ones and let me know how much I owe you."

"I can do that!" Jax offers.

"You don't even have an email account." His wife reminds him. And would he even know how to get online and make all the necessary changes? "Ally can do it." Tara shoots the lawyer a look that reminds her that she pays one hundred dollars an hour for her time.

"It's no big deal, really Jax." Ally assures him.

"I'd rather you use your time to get my wife out of prison." He was getting frustrated. All these people kept coming in and interrupting what little family time they had left. And he wanted to get him and his wife back to where they were last night. He didn't want to deal with this everyday bullshit, like paying bills and doing homework.

"That's not fa-"Ally starts.

"You've done enough." Tara smiles without a hint of amusement. "You should go Ally. I know you are busy and I appreciate you stopping by."

"Sure thing." Ally hands the baby to Tara and packs up her briefcase as Jax glares at her. Why the hell was she in possession of Tara's checks anyway? Who the hell deemed her in charge? "I'll stop in and check on you next week?" Tara nods and gives a small wave as she leaves.

"Was that really necessary?" She demands in a hushed whisper from her husband.

"How much are you paying her to be your bitch?" He retorts but doesn't wait for an answer. "You shouldn't be paying her shit." The club should be paying her. And he thought the club was. He'd have to get up with Bobby and see what was going on. "She couldn't even keep you out of jail!"

"Um, excuse me?" Tara snarks. "Since when isn't the _club's lawyer_ good enough for me?"

"Are you guys fighting?" Abel asks innocently.

Both parents instantly deflate. "No, baby." Mom assures him. "We're just disagreeing. But we're done now." She gives Jax a look that says otherwise but both know they can't hash it out right now. "I'm sorry if we upset you." She pulls him close and kisses the top of his head.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The outside guard knocks on the door and Jax panics. Judging from the grim look it is time to say goodbye. He isn't ready for goodbye. "The transport is here for the baby."

"Well it's going to be a little bit still." Tara replies. "I haven't even signed my discharge papers yet."

"No, not your transport." The inside guard clarifies. "The baby is always transported separately. And first."

Jax will never forget the look Tara shoots him. It's a plea. _Do something! Help! Don't let us be separated_. And just as the day the judge announced the guilty verdict, he's never felt so helpless in his life. "There has to be something we can do. How is it appropriate to separate a mom and a newborn so soon?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Teller." The guard's eyes tell Jax that no amount of money or threats will get him his way on this.

Before either of them can think, the room becomes a flurry of activity. Nurses and doctors are coming in and checking Olivia, getting signatures from mom and dad, and making sure the car seat is correctly adjusted. "Okay Mrs. Teller, you will see her as soon as you get back to the correctional facility. "

"Daddy, where is Liv going?" Abel asks innocently. Suddenly the room becomes eerily silent.

"Wait!" Tara requests. "Can I hold her? Feed her first?"

Jax clears his throat. "Can we get a few minutes please?" The adults in the room all share a look, a shrug, and then eventually wait outside.

"This is bullshit." Tara cries, she turns her head away so she can wipe the tears without the boys noticing. Even though her heart is breaking, she knows that barring an emergency, she will see her baby girl in a little bit. But Jax? This is his last time with her for several days. "Here daddy," she lifts Olivia to him, "Hold her." Jax takes her and lifts an oblivious Thomas up for Tara to hold. "Olivia is going to back to timeout with mommy." She explains. "But she has to leave first. She will wait in the timeout place for Mommy to get there."

"I want to go to timeout with you!" Abel states animatedly.

"You can't." Tara explains. "It's just for newborn babies."

"Abel, we will see mommy on Saturday, just like we always do." Jax reminds him. "Just three more days." Three days sounds like three years to him so he can only imagine how it feels for a five year old.

"Abel, it's ok." And just when things couldn't get worse…they did. Just like a fucking cockroach, there lurks Gemma. "You and Thomas are coming with me."

"No!" Abel jumps down from the bed and crosses his arms. "I don't want to go with you! I want to go with mommy and Liv!"

"Abel!" Gemma corrects sternly. "It is not okay to talk that way…."

"Leave him alone!" Tara seethes. "And wait outside. This is our business. We'll handle it."

"No, you can't handle shit." Gemma says through clenched teeth. "This is my business because I'm the one holding it down out here—"

"Mom! Shut up!" Jax cuts her off before she pushes Tara too far with the guards just a few feet away.

"No!" Gemma smirks. "I won't stop, baby. Don't you see that her actions are ripping your boys apart? Ripping you apart? She's being self—"

"Do not finish that sentence." The threat in his voice is crystal clear. "You can wait out in the hall. Or leave. I don't really care."

"Jackson—"

"Now." He waits for her to shut the door behind herself. "Babe, I'm sorry."

"Don't." He shouldn't be. This is exactly what Tara needed, to be reminded of all the bullshit that came with Jax and his life. The biggest shit being Gemma. "Just hand me stuff to start packing everyone up." It's clear that they won't be discussing anything now.

"I'm not leaving!" Abel declares.

"You have to, bud." Tara sniffles. "It'll be okay. Grandma will take you to Scoops and get you some ice cream."

"I don't want Grandma and I don't want ice cream." Abel kicks the leg of the chair. "I want you!"

"Abel!" Jax voice booms and suddenly there is silence. "Do not speak to your mother that way."

"Jax, it's okay-"

"No, it's not okay, Tara." Jax runs the one free hand he has over his face in frustration. "Nothing is okay right now." He crouches down to Abel's level with Olivia in his arms. "I know this stinks, monster. But you have to be a big boy, for Tommy and Liv, okay?" And then the tears come. Quick and unexpected and Abel pushes past Jax to run to his mother's embrace.

He sobs as he buries his head in her chest. "I'll be good, mommy. I promise. I'll be good. Take me with you." And then Tara loses it and is sobbing. She knows it's wrong, that this isn't what Abel needs but damnit she can't control it.

"I can't take you with me, buddy. I would if I could." Tara assures him. "I'm so sorry, Abel."

Suddenly the kindergartner is pulling away. "I'm mad at you, mommy!" He jumps off the bed and throws open the door. Thomas begins to cry to be put down as well. No doubt, he wants to chase after his big brother. And sure enough the second his feet hit the ground, he's following in Abel's footsteps. Tara makes out Gemma's smug grin just before she leads both boys down the corridor and out of Tara's line of vision.

"Tara—"Jax whispers.

"Don't!" She cuts him off. Fuck him, fuck his mother, and fuck his comfort.

"I'm—"

"You need to leave." The venom is tangible.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Teller, Mr. Teller." The guard interrupts. "We need to take the baby now."

And as devastated as she is, Tara's heart is ripped out of her chest when Jax kisses their daughter's tiny hand. "Daddy loves you. I'll see you in a few days." He sobs on the last word and he places her in the infant carrier. For a second, she allows herself to be comforted by her husband's embrace as they watch the transport guards take their baby girl down the hall. "This isn't how I expected it to go today." He admits.

"Me either." Tara sniffles. "You need to leave. Go be with the boys."

Why in the hell was she being so ridiculous? "I'm not leaving until you leave."

"Our sons need their father."

"And you don't need me?" How in the hell could she be so strong all the time? He didn't get it. He fucking needed her like he needed air to breathe. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Stop it, Jax." She doesn't have it in her to go twenty rounds with him at the moment. "This isn't about me. Or you. This is about our kids. And how we're screwing them up."

"We aren't screwing them up!" He defends.

She gives him an incredulous look. "Put them first for once!"

"I do!" He seethes. "I always put them first."

The saddest part of his statement is the he believes he's being honest. "The problem is your first position is too fucking full!" She shouts.

"Mr. Teller, we're going to have to escort you out now." The guard intercedes before there is a full-blown, knockdown, drag down, fight. The one where neither walks away whole.

"Don't worry." He smirks mirthlessly to mask his devastation. "I've already been booted." Not giving Tara time to think, he grabs her roughly by the neck, fingers tangled in her thick locks, and kisses her roughly. _It's an apology, an I love you, an I need you, a you need me, a fuck you for not needing me as much as I need you all rolled into one. _

Tara releases a sob when she hears a loud bang from down the hall that her husband just stormed through. She knows without a doubt, some innocent equipment met her husband's wrath.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:  Once again, I'm so sorry for the delay. I could give you a ton of excuses, and while they are all honest, the truth is, I need better time management skills lol. This chapter includes some time jumps. Note that it begins when Olivia is 6 months old and ends when she's about 19 months old. Excuse any editing errors, as usual I rushed in my impatience to post. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 9**

**Six months later**

Jax is in a rush, the lack of sleep making him sluggish. Sleep was non-existent with a feverish toddler apparently. "Shit!" Clothes are getting tossed around the laundry room without concern. "Hasn't anyone done laundry in this damn house?"

"Am I getting paid for that?" Brooke asks blandly.

"Gemma usually handles it." Wendy rushes to explain before Jax can go off on the clueless young girl.

Gemma was useless lately. She was busy with TM, Redwoody, and Diosa shit. Normally, Jax would be happy. The more occupied she was elsewhere, the less time she had to be in his business and railroading his life. "Whatever, I'll just buy more fucking clothes."

He storms off towards his bedroom and after hearing the door slam, Brooke asks, "What's his problem?"

"Beats me." Wendy shrugs, going back to packing two lunches. "Never try to figure Jax out. You'll end up certifiable and still not have a clue."

A few minutes later Jax comes out with an old Harley tee on. "Thomas is still sleeping. Let him sleep. He barely got any last night."

"Brooke, you hear that?" Wendy raises her voice towards the laundry room where Brooke has decided to start a load.

"Aren't you gonna be here?" The confused father asks the blond.

"No, I have that field trip with Abel." She reminds him. It was summer time but Tara had insisted on Abel attending camp at Pilgrim Grove. As usual, what Tara wanted, Tara got. Wendy tries to shake the thought out of her head.

The sigh that follows from Jax is a clear indication that no, he didn't remember. "Well, back out. Abel won't care."

"He won't." It pains her to admit as Wendy slams the refrigerator. "But I will!"

Jax closes his eyes and runs his hand over his face. "Look, I'm not trying to be a dick but Thomas isn't feeling well…."

"Then you stay home with him!" Wendy shouts.

"Excuse the hell out of me for wanting to see my wife and daughter." His icy glare freezes his ex-wife to the core.

"I think I can handle it." Brooke speaks up meekly. "Just tell me what to do. Does he need medicine or something?"

The whole thing is grating on Jax's nerves. What the fuck was he even thinking? What would Wendy know about taking care of a sick toddler? Brooke is probably the safer bet. At least she may have a maternal bone in her body one day. He's pretty sure hope is lost for the recovering junkie.

"I'll call Gemma." Wendy sighs.

Jax remembers that Nero hauled her to NorCal for a few days in some desperate attempt at a real life._ Yea, good luck there buddy_. "No, I'll call someone in." The stressed father works his neck back and forth, noting to himself not to attempt to sleep in the rocking chair ever again. "Just stay until they get here." He instructs, eyes on Brooke.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you ready?" Tara smiles as she lifts Olivia in the air and kisses her face. "Are you ready to see Daddy and Tommy?" The six month old's smile is wide as if she instinctively knows this is a Wednesday. "Let's go, Princess! Let's go see our boys." She turns the light off to her cell and shuts the door behind them as she makes her way to the guard waiting at the visitor's room. As she is patted down and Olivia is checked as well, Tara tries in vain to look through the tiny window on the door to see what Thomas is doing.

The room is unexpectedly quiet. She sees Jax sitting in an old chair and watches his eyes light up with the smile that is instant to his face when she steps in the room. Her jade eyes search high and low for Thomas but the only other presence she notes is at the far end of the room, another young mother is in a heavy make out session with whom Tara hopes is the child's father. "He's running a fever." Jax answers the obvious question in her eyes. "Sorry, I know you probably don't want to see just me." He rises, putting his hands in his pockets but makes no attempt to move closer to her or the baby eagerly moving her arms in his direction. "But I wanted to see my girls."

"Don't be silly." Tara shakes off her sadness both at the fact that she'll miss time with her son and that Jax doesn't get to see their baby girl as much as he wants to. "We're glad you're here." She's already passing the babbling baby to him and stepping back. "Isn't that right, Liv?" She drops a kiss to the thin, blond curls before moving to the chair next to Jax's.

Even without Thomas there to fill the awkwardness, time passes much too quickly for Jax's likening. They have now moved to the floor, where Liv is busy showing her daddy how she gets around on her bottom. "Is that normal?" He laughs as he watches her.

"Yea." Tara assures him. "Give her a bit and she'll be crawling all over the place."

His brow furrows. "Abel didn't crawl this soon"

"Abel was a preemie." She reminds him gently. "Thomas was bigger than Liv so that might have something to do with why he wasn't as mobile. But all babies are different and girls are different than boys, Dad." She smiles slightly. "Plus, Liv gets a lot of pl-" Tara breaks off when the moans once again get audible from the far side of the room. "Seriously?" She laughs. It wouldn't surprise Tara if the girl had another baby in nine months.

"What?" Jax grins. "They remind me of two crazy kids I once knew."

"Whatever." The bite in her tone is negated by the blush on her cheeks and smile on her lips. Truth be told, Tara is envious of the couple. She misses the younger version of herself, able to throw caution to the wind and just be in the moment. Knowing usually those moments were spent on or full of Jackson Teller, she forces herself to shake her head. "So tell me about my boys."

"Thomas has a fever. He's cranky." The concerned father tells her. "I got shit for sleep last night."

"You stayed up with him?" It makes her sad that she's not there to soothe her baby boy but imagining Jax care for their sick child does something to her, stirs a longing deep in her chest that she's been determined to bury since being in here.

"Well, to be honest, no one else was really available." He admits reluctantly, hating that he'll be even shittier in his wife's eyes. "Gemma's going through some…shit." Truthfully, his mother is still stewing over the fact that Olivia was residing on the inside with Tara and that he didn't seek her permission. He doesn't want to burden Tara with his issues with his mother, knowing how much of a contention she was between them on a regular basis.

"Wendy?" Her chest tightens just thinking of the other woman in her house during the night, making herself available to the biker president.

"I don't know what she was doing." Jax shrugs, with distaste obvious. "Nor do I care. Lyla is sitting with him now."

"Lyla?" Tara smiles. She knows the woman has a big heart and is turning over a new leaf, going from porn star to porn producer, but she isn't exactly maternal to her own kids and stepchildren.

"She's more maternal than Wendy." He elbows his wife playfully, almost reading her thoughts. "Wendy's at the zoo with Abel, remember?"

How could she forget? Her head nearly spun off her shoulders as Jax explained that the junkie (of all people) was the only one who would pass a background check to be allowed to chaperone on the trip. Her jealousy was off the charts and her heart was broken when she realized she'd never be able to chaperone a field trip. "Hmmm." Tara huffs, what was one more crushed dream at this point, really? The tears fill her eyes as she forces herself to ask the question that's been on her mind for awhile now, "Have you told him yet?" She forces her eyes away from Jax and a mobile Olivia, looking out the window.

"Told who, what?" He asks, the way her voice cracks breaks his heart and he wishes she would just look at him. If she looked at him, she'd see the love and honesty in his words. She would know that there wasn't ever anything to worry about.

Her throat shakes as she swallows the lump threatening to consume her, "Told Abel the truth."

He isn't sure which is louder, the pounding in his head or chest, "What truth?"

"Don't be obtuse." She sniffles, still not looking at him. "You know what I'm talking about. Have you told him?"

"NO!" His harsh whisper is full of indignation. "You are his mother, Tara." He can't stop himself from gripping her chin and forcing her eyes to his. It doesn't matter that she doesn't need his touch. He needs her. He's always needed her. "There is nothing to tell Abel. You are his mother."

"I don't feel like anyone's mother." She admits tearfully.

"Tara-" Her words are crushing him, the pain in her eyes shattering his soul.

She continues on as though she doesn't hear him and he fears that truthfully, she may not hear any voices outside of her own, running rampant in her mind. "I'm not taking them on fieldtrips. I'm not comforting them when they're sick. I wasn't there for Abel's first day of school. Or his first loose tooth. I missed Thomas' first steps. I—"

"Tara, STOP!" He cuts her off, once again forcing her darkened hazel orbs to his melancholy cerulean ones. "You are their mother. You are the most important person in their life."

She forces herself to say the words that have been in her head for months out loud. "Thomas barely knows me, Jax." She's tried everything, from special phone calls, to sending special recordings with her voice (telling him how much she loves and misses him and how she's counting down the days until they can be together again), to spending every Wednesday for the last six months, ignoring Jax and Olivia, just hoping for one shred of proof that her boy would connect with her the way Abel does.

His lungs burn from the loss of oxygen. He knows he needs to breath but he can't. "Babe, don't let this place do this to you. To us. To our family." He pleads. "Thomas knows you. You're in his soul, babe. I promise, he _knows_ you, Tara. You're his mom."

"Okay," she agrees. "Promise me, when you decide to tell Abel," She knew he didn't ever envision a time when he would, but Tara Knowles-Teller wasn't stupid. Many things would change in seven years. "Promise me, I'll be there. I want to be there when he hears the truth. It needs to come from me. I need to make him understand. I don't think I can live with him hating me, Jackson." His name becomes a whispered sob.

Was there anything worse than feeling your own heartbreaking? There was to her, it was the pain in Jackson Teller's eyes. And even though every word she's said is synthetic, she regrets it. She regrets ever releasing the words because he's taken them on for himself. He's owning her pain and that alone guts her. As her mouth meets his, she ignores all the warning bells going off in the back of her mind, everything telling her this is a bad, bad idea. Instead, she follows her overwhelming need to heal him. She aches to feel like a wife again, to own her place as Jax Teller's old lady, if only for a second.

As their tongues meet, he ignores his conscience. The part of his soul that knows Tara better than himself, knows this is her way of soothing him. But he also knows that a part of her needs this too. It may be small, it may be buried so deep she's forgotten it exists, but a part of her needs to feel connected to him as well. So selfishly, he chooses to cater to that part. He chooses to remind her how much they need each other in one desperate kiss. It's wet, breathy, sloppy, familiar, but desperate and consuming. _It's them_. "Tara" His groan is like a caress. They both chuckle when Olivia manages her way over to them, using daddy's knee for leverage to work her way into his lap. "You're a master of timing, darlin', just like your brothers." His words cause Tara to chuckle, despite the tears, as they rest forehead to forehead for a minute.

"Alright, Teller." She straightens herself up, deciding to save her distressing thoughts for herself. "I'm going to tell you what to do for our sick boy." She winds her elbow through his arm, places her head on his shoulder, and gives him step-by-step instructions.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The ham and cheese sandwiches she packed for herself and Abel are soggy but Wendy wouldn't trade this day for anything. As she sits on the picnic bench with another mom, watching the kids admire the giraffes, she is hit with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. "He really resembles you." The other mother notes.

"Really?" The dirty blond questions. "I have never heard that. He looks like his father."

"Dad must be a cutie then." The younger mother snickers.

"He is." The longer Wendy sits there, the more uncomfortable she feels in both the other woman's presence and her own thoughts. "Amongst other things." No doubt about it, Jax Teller still makes her question her sexual preference but he's also still the most selfish man on the planet. If it doesn't affect him, his wife, his boys, or his club, he doesn't care. Everyone always commented how fatherhood and Tara changed Jax but all his ex-wife saw was the same selfish prick she was married to, not that what they had should be considered a marriage by any stretch of the definition.

Both women sit there in uncomfortable silence before the other woman must once again feel the need to break the silence. "Gabe's loved giraffes from birth." She chuckles. "His dad went on a business trip, brought him back this small stuffed giraffe when Gabe was six months. The love affair started." The boys start to head back in the ladies direction. "What about Abel?"

"I'm sorry," Wendy shakes her head, "What about him?"

"How long has he been into giraffes?" The brunette laughs.

"Oh," She laughs nervously. "Um…not too long I don't think. I'm not sure he's really "into" them or anything."

"Oh, I just assumed," The other woman shrugs, "That he was because he seemed really interested over there with Gabe for so long."

"Wendy." Abel taps her arm relentlessly, "Can you get a picture of the giraffes for mommy?"

Wendy's face automatically reddens in humiliation as does Gabe's mom. "Ohmygod, I'm so sorry." She clears her throat. "I just assumed you were…his mom-"

"It's fine, really-"

"Wendy's not my mom!" Abel's brow furrows.

"It's actually complicated-"

"What's complicated?" Abel asks Wendy, confusion written all over his tiny face.

"Um…Abel." Wendy starts to pack up their lunches. "We can talk about it on the way home…"

"Talk about what complicated means?" Abel reaches for his apple and bites into it before Wendy can place it in the bag and throw it away.

"You know Gabe and I are-"

"Don't worry about it Wendy." Abel chews with his mouth open. "I'll ask daddy. Or mommy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sorry, I kept you waiting." Gemma opens a can of soda for Nero, one that he asked for several minutes ago. She plops down with a sigh on the steps that he just finished pounding some frustration out on. "I had to call and check on the girls." She raises a cigarette to her lips and lights it.

"My girls?" Nero chugs half the can as his old lady nods. "Why? Collette knows what she's doing. She's been okay managing both Diosas." For that he was thankful because his house and land required more work than he anticipated. It would be months before he could transition Lucius here.

"I just have to check!" The matriarch takes a deep inhale. "It's who I am. I don't know why you're even asking." She takes a sip of his soda.

"Alright, mama." He sits beside her, impressed with his carpentry skills when the steps don't budge. "Is this about me bringing you here? Or is this the shit that's been brewing for months between you and your boy?"

"Things are fine between Jackson and myself." She shrugs. "It's that gash of a wife of his that is the problem."

"Maybe that's the problem." Nero nudges her shoulder with his own. "You and the beef with his old lady."

"Tara's been a problem since they were sixteen." Gemma stubs the butt of her Marlboro out of the new steps. "I haven't even seen my grandbaby since she was born."

"That might have something to do with Jax overhearing your girls should be drowned at birth comment." The older man reminds her.

"I wasn't talking about Olivia." The grandma defends. "She's blood. She's mine. I love her."

Nero realizes this conversation will get him nowhere quickly, so he chooses to move on. "Everything ok back home?"

"The whorehouses are still raking in the dick." She grins. "Jax shut down production at Redwoody today."

"Business must be better than I thought." Nero drains the can.

"Doubtful," Gemma stands, brushing the dust off her ass. "Apparently, Thomas has a fever. The junkie is on a field trip with Abel. Jax called Lyla in to sit with a sick Thomas." Gemma turns to go check on dinner.

"And now I know the problem." The pimp laughs. "You're pissed because you aren't on speed dial."

"Laugh all you want." She huffs, arms crossed. "This isn't about me running shit. Tara locked up...having a girl….I don't know, it's twisting Jackson up. He's turning into his goddamn father." Her final words are whispered and making the sound of the metal screen door that much more pronounced.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Months have passed and Jax has lost count how many times he's now sat at the head of this table and took a vote with the bang of a gavel. He can remember when he was a kid, after church let out, he'd climb into his father's lap and play with the gavel against the reaper table. He can still recall the power and pride that would course through his tiny chest when his old man would chuckle and ruffle his hair, promising that one day everything would be his. Jax never wanted Abel or Thomas near the damn reaper table. In fact, he did everything he could to keep the boys away from this room. "What's wrong?" He forces himself to ask Bobby, who unlike the rest of the guys, didn't jump from the table when he dismissed them with the sound of the gavel against the wooden reaper table.

"Clubhouse is completely finished. Has been for a few weeks." Bobby pulls out a dime bag of weed and some papers. "Guys are wondering when we're headed back."

"I'm not sure we are." The president admits aloud for the first time. "It's kinda cool to be here, in town." He liked the fact that after everything, the community was finally starting to see SAMCRO as the good guys again. They gave free ice cream for good grade and community service to the kids, hiring a steady flow of kids with fresh work permits, and provided a safety net to the older business folks. It was almost like the SAMCRO Jax remembered from his childhood. He frowns when he thinks about their other businesses, legal but dirty. "Oh, hey, who's checking out the new hires? At Redwoody? That you or Lyla?"

"Me." Bobby starts to light his joint.

"Not here, bro." Jax pulls the treasurer's lighter away. "There's kids downstairs."

"Yea, downstairs." Bobby grins but stuffs the joint into his cigarette pack. "So, new hires? What's up?"

"There's a new girl…brunette, olive complexion…." The boss struggles to recall a name. "Shit, I forgot her name….saw her yesterday when I stopped by to check on Lyla."

"Winsome?" Bobby grins, the new whore was a treat and he knew from experience she sucked a mean dick. "She was one of Greensleeve's whores." He reminds, hoping to ring a bell. "I checked her out. Why? Something I'm missing?"

"She looks young." Jax lights a cigarette.

It's on the tip of his friend's tongue to remind him that cigarette smoke isn't good for the kids downstairs. "She's legal."

"You sure?" Jax wrings his hands.

"Jesus Christ, 'course I'm sure." Bobby takes the cigarette from Jax's fingers and takes a deep drag. "What's this, Jax? I checked her shit myself. She even has a few petty prostitution arrest."

"I'm just asking!" The blond biker gets defensive. "Last thing we need is some child porn, pedophile type of charge on us."

"That all, really?" The normally level headed, mature biker asks. At Jax's challenging look, he continues. "Gemma might have a point, is all."

The mention of his mother, makes his head hurt. Why the fuck was she stirring shit up in every aspect of his damn life? Normally, she saved that shit for him and Tara only. "Point about what?"

"Having a little girl, shit is changing you, man." Bobby grins. "And I get it. I mean, I don't have a girl. Shit, I'm barely a father to my sons. But I guess girls are different—"

"Bobby, I don't give a shit about Gemma or the whores." Jax rises, slamming his chair against the table a bit harder than he intends. "I'm just looking out for business. Send the new chick, fuck, what's her name?"

"Winsome" Bobby rolls his eyes.

"Send Winsome over to Diosa for Collette to use. I don't want her young ass on camera, drawing unnecessary attention."

"You—"

"Sorry to interrupt, boss." There is a knock on the door and both men turn to see a grinning Juice, "There's an old broad downstairs looking for you."

The boss groans but grins, "What did you shitheads do now?" He asks, following the Puerto Rican tech specialist down the steps. He enters the ice cream shop to find an older woman looking around curiously. She looks worn, as if times have been hard but she has kind eyes. She's wearing older, loose fitting jeans and a cotton blouse. "Can I help you, ma'am?" He asks, his curiosity is piqued.

She runs her hand through her bottled red hair and asks, "Are you Jax Teller?" She looks him over from head to toe but not in the blatantly sexual way he's used to from women. "I think there's been a mistake." She says when her eyes land on his kutte. "I think I have the wrong person." She seems confident until her eyes land on his left hand and she notes his ring finger.

"I'm definitely the only Jax Teller around here." He grins in a way that usually has women melting. "Why don't you tell me what the problem seems to be?"

"I'm sorry." She shakes her head and suddenly seems shy, almost embarrassed, "You must think I'm a nutjob." She offers her hand, "I'm Sally Jones."

"Mrs. Jones." Jax smiles warmly as he takes her hand to discover that it's rough. She definitely works with her hands. The misses was a probably not accurate, there is no ring. "I'm Jax Teller." He shrugs, knowing his introduction was unwarranted.

"I'm looking for the Jax Teller that is married to Tara Teller." Sally finally clears up.

He fights to remain calm, no longer piqued, his curiosity is now demanding. "How do you know my wife?"

"Uh, I don't…not exactly." She's clearly taken aback by his tone. "Umm….my daughter is in jail….she…uh…knows your wife."

Suddenly his face is an emotionless mask, displaying something she can't define. Yet, she can acknowledge that it scares the shit out of her. "And let me guess, she sent you here to send a message?" This hag had no idea who she was messing with, Jax can clearly tell, but he doesn't care. _No one, no one threatens Tara. _Damnit, he didn't think he would have to worry about this shit from the mothering ward.

Sally tries to regulate her heart and the shake in her hands. "No…no….I mean, yes…I think you got it all wrong…."

"Why don't you clear it up for me? Now!" His opens and closes his fist, resisting the urge to grab this bitch by the throat and put her against the wall.

"Mrs. Teller…your wife….I just wanted to….to see you…to...meet…."

Something about the way she stumbles over her words and the fear in her eyes, makes the fearful husband calm a bit. "Would you like a seat? Coffee or something?"

The relief in her sigh further calms him. "That would be great. Thanks."

Jax nods to Chucky, who reaches for the coffee pot, and leads Sally over to a booth. "I wanted to thank your wife but that's not possible." The redhead explains, pausing when Chucky leans in to fill a mug with coffee. "She's been…she's done incredible things for my Lizzie."

"How so?" Jax takes a sip of his own the steaming black coffee.

"Well, she's just taken her under her wing, I guess." Sally smirks. "Lizzie tried to pass that damn GED test three times on the outside. The class Tara teaches just really helped it make sense to her. I know she took some extra time with her, worked one on one with her too."

He didn't know Tara was teaching classes. Why? He thinks back on all those months ago when he took her college transcripts to her. Was this what she was doing? Rather than focusing on the hurt of why he has no idea what his wife does with her time, he sits back and listens to Sally tell him things he didn't know about how his wife was still managing to help people.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Tara sits at the uncomfortable small, wooden desk in her cell, she glances over at her precious daughter sleeping soundly in the crib. At one time, this tiny cell seems seemed suffocating. She's jarred by her thoughts by a soft knock on the door. "Hey, Sarah." She opens the door with a soft whisper, "Come in, what are you still doing here this time of night?" Sarah was the social worker for the Family Reunion Group (more commonly known as the FRG). The two women worked closely, well as closely as a free woman and a prisoner could.

"Ah, you know how it is." Sarah notes a sleeping Liv and automatically drops her voice. "I know it's been a few months but I've been meaning to give you this." She hands Tara a picture.

She looks at the picture and tries to reign in her emotions when she recalls that day.

_"It's a big day, Babe." Jax tells her. _

_Watching his eyes dance and his face light up makes her smile. "I'm sorry we can't celebrate it, Teller." Her smile is sad. "I know she'll never remember it but you and the boys will." _

_"So will you." He notes, briefly taking his eyes off of her to check on their three kids playing on the carpet. "I know shits a mess, babe. But I'm so happy we have her." _

_Tara can still recall with vivid accuracy just how present and attentive he was while she was laboring and giving birth to their only daughter. "In some ways, this has been the longest year but in others, it's just like it was yesterday." _

_"Really?" He teases. "Can you imagine pushing her out now? What's she weigh? Twenty pounds?" _

_"Eighteen." She retorts. "And bite me, Teller. Pushing out six pounds was hard enough." When he doesn't immediately respond, she looks at him and sees his focus on the vending machines. "You hungry?" Jesus, the man was a bottomless pit. _

_"Not really." He shrugs and smiles wickedly. "But I have an idea…." He stands at the vending machine as if the selection has changed since last week. _

_To her surprise, he comes back with three packs of tasty cake cupcakes. "I hope you plan on giving our boys a pack of those or else there will be a protest." _

_"We're all getting one. Even Olivia." He missed Abel's first birthday but he saw enough pictures to understand the general idea. And he clearly recalls Thomas smashing his small cake into pieces. Cupcakes weren't the same thing, there would be no photographic proof, but it would be a memory for him and Tara and possibly Abel to hold onto. _

_"She's going to make a mess….." He thinks she's attempting a warning tone but he knows his girl, she wants this too. "Come on, guys!" Tara calls the kids over to the sink to wash their hands. "We're going to sing Happy Birthday to Liv!" Tara leads the four of them in singing Happy Birthday to the youngest member of their family. Even though she has always been able to carry a tune, the other three tone deaf males outweigh her sound and she finds herself laughing. She's busy watching her kids make messes with their cupcakes and Jax has to tell her, "Eat, mom!" _

_"Yeah mommy, eat!" Abel laughs._

_"Eat, mama!" Thomas chants, ever eager to be like his bog brother. _

_"Wow, look at this!" A voice with an obvious smile in it says from the doorway. _

_"Hey, Sarah." Tara smiles. "We're just celebrating Olivia's birthday. Come join us." _

_Jax has no idea who this lady is but his wife seems relaxed around her. The lack of a prison uniform and the badge tell him she's some sort of employee. "Yes, please do. We have an extra cupcake." _

_"I don't want to interrupt." Sarah sits her folders down and offers her hand to Jax._

_"Oh, I'm sorry." Tara laughs. "Sarah, this is my husband, Jax Teller, Jax this is Sarah." _

_"I'm the social worker for the FRG here." Sarah shakes his hand. "Tara and I work closely with her groups." _

_What groups, exactly? The question is obvious when he meets his wife's gaze. "Nice to meet you." He tells the professional._

_"And that means that these handsome guys must be Abel and Thomas." Sarah smiles warmly at the boys. When she looks at a chocolate covered Liv, she laughs. "I'm going to let you guys get back to it." She starts to pick up her folder and seemingly recalls something. "Wait! Hey, I have my phone. I can get a picture for you guys."_

_"You don't have to-"_

_"That would be great!" _

_"Well, it sounds great, Mr. Teller." Sarah chooses to ignore the inmate as she turns her phone on. "But you don't know how often, or not often, I actually print these babies out." _

_"That's fine." The smirk appears and his eyebrows raises when he looks at Tara challengingly. "Ok guys, picture time! I'll take the one for the team, Mom." He picks up their daughter who, as expected, gets a mess all over his shirt. Tara picks up Thomas and looks smiles towards the camera. Just as Jax drops a kiss to his wife's temple, Sarah snaps the shot. _

"Thank you, it was a good day." Tara clears her throat. "But I'm not stupid. I know something else is keeping you here this late. Made you stop by my cell." The heartbroken look on the other woman's face tells her everything. "How long?"

"Six weeks tops." The social worker admits. "I've tried everything I can think of—

"This isn't your fault." Tara goes into positive mode in order to avoid her feelings. "I knew coming in that eighteen months was the max and even that was unlikely. I'm lucky they gave me that long—"She reaches for the tape on her desk and makes a production of putting the new photo but the professional shot of the family at Olivia's birth.

"Tara-"

"Six weeks gives me time to prepare the girls for the actual test. I'll even get the SAT/ACT group up and off the ground-"

"Tara—"

"I think Jasmine will be able to take over the GED group. She's wicked smart." Tara doesn't miss a beat. "She may be able to take over the other group, even. Although her son has been colicky so it might be too much-"

"TARA!" Sarah whispers harshly.

Tara glares at her icily. "WHAT?" She whispers back just as harshly.

"It's okay to be sad."

"Don't." The former neo-natal surgeon cuts her off. "Don't shrink me."

"It's a perk of the job." The social worker's mouth turns up in one corner. "But I'm not trying to shrink you. I'm trying to be…" This was the part that could get her into trouble. Social workers were not supposed to get attached but damnit, Tara wasn't your usual run of the mill inmate either, "a friend."

"Why the hell should I be sad?" And now comes the deflection. "My daughter gets to be with her father and brothers. All of whom adore her." Tara didn't want to think about the psycho grandma or the junkie substitute. It would literally break her. "She gets to play on an actual playground, try new foods—"

"It's okay to be sad for you." Sarah stands and squeezes Tara's shoulder. "For your loss. For not only giving Olivia to her father but for the time you'll miss with your boys. It won't be the same and it's okay to be sad. And be angry."

"Sadness and anger won't change anything." Tara sighs in defeat. "I have to get back to these papers." She says dismissively. She waits for the sound of the bars down the hall to let her know that Sarah is in fact gone before she goes over to the crib. She watches her angel sleep peacefully for a minute. Unable to stop herself, the desperate mother picks her up, cradles her sleeping body to her chest and sobs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What are you still doing here?" Jax asks when he enters his home late one night. "I thought Gemma was here. She knew I was going to be late."

"I'm here." His mother appears in the kitchen through the dining room. "Boys are sleeping. I was knitting."

"They go down okay?" Jax takes his kutte off and hangs it.

"Sure did." Jax looks at the two women expectantly. "Ok, just get to it. I'm exhausted. What's this about?"

"I want to talk to you." Wendy clears her throat nervously.

"That's what a phone is for." The biker replies dryly, opening the refrigerator and reaching for a soda.

"Jax…" Gemma sighs.

"Jesus Christ, Jax!" The indignation in her voice alone sets Jax into overdrive. She takes a deep breath, "I think it's time we tell Abel the truth." She's been sitting on this for months. She's sick of Abel thinking she's no more than a glorified nanny.

"What truth?" Jax slams the fridge. "Your truth? NO, not happening."

"He's hurting, Jax." Gemma tells her son. "Maybe knowing that he has a mom here, on the outside, with him, will help him…maybe it's time."

"I can't believe you are riding this train too." The venom in his voice is thick. "Abel has a mom. She's in prison." He looks to his mother pointedly. "For SAMCRO shit, where's your loyalty now?" She at least has the decency to attempt an ashamed look. "And how dare you demand this shit?" Wendy backs up when his arctic glare will not leave hers. "The only reason you are here is because of Tara. You came back here, stirring shit up in her head, making demands…." It feels good for him to finally take his frustrations out on someone. "Tara wants you here for the boys. Make no mistake about it, that isn't my choice. But you ever mention telling Abel your bullshit truth again and it'll be the last time you see MY son. You understand that?"

"Yea," Wendy says tearfully, all too familiar with just how far Jax will go when he feels like his family is threatened. "I got it."

"Jackson," Jesus, Wendy really was a spineless pussy, Gemma thinks to herself. "This isn't about Tara. Or Wendy. Or you, baby. We need to think about what Abel needs…."

"What Abel needs? He needs his mother!" Jax throws the soda can against the cabinets and the pressure caused the can to explode everywhere. "He doesn't need this fucking junkie—"

"Recovering junkie!" Wendy reaches for her purse on the counter. "And fuck you, Jax. Fuck you for-"

Before she can blink Jax has her against the counter by her arm harshly. Her head hits the wet cabinet. "Fuck me? No, fuck you, you goddamn junkie whore-"

"Jackson!" Gemma whispers harshly to her out of control son. "You're gonna wake the boys."

"Recovering, huh?" He completely ignores his other as she rips the sleeve of Wendy's blazer. "Guess we know why no one could find you last week." The track marks are abundantly clear. "And all the other times since this shit started."

"You think this is easy?" Wendy cries. "Being here? With you and with him? Living in Tara's shadow?"

"Get the hell out of my house." Jax demands.

"I didn't know." Gemma starts immediately once the door closes. She automatically goes for the dishrag at the sink to start cleaning the cabinets. "You should go make sure the boys didn't wake up."

"She's not to be alone with the boys." The son orders, pacing in anger. "You can leave. I'll clean it up tomorrow." He heads off to check on his boys and grab a shower.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She tried so hard to prepare herself for this day. But she was an idiot, all that intelligence couldn't prepare her for this heartache. "You have to put her to sleep with this doll." Tara instructs Jax. "And-

"Babe, it's okay." He tries to soothe. "I'm sure you've told me everything. I know I'm not you. But I think I'll do okay."

"She doesn't know anyone else, Jax." For the first time today, in front of him, she lets a tear escape. "Are you going to be available for a few days? To get her settled in? On your schedule?"

"I'll stay with her as long as it takes." He assures her. "And we'll be back here to see you on regular visiting."

"Mommy, why are you sad?" Abel asks.

"I'm a little sad." She admits, lying to him is useless. Just like his father, he's always so attuned to her feelings. She thinks it may be all the one on one time they spent together when Jax was on prison and she was pregnant with Thomas. "But I'm a lot happy because Liv gets to go home with you guys today! Isn't that exciting?"

Jax can feel every ounce of falseness in her statement and figures Abel can too. "Are you coming too?" The hope in his eyes crushes both of his parents.

"I can-

"Not yet." Jax answers firmly, trying to ignore the reprimand in his wife's glare. "But we're going to take care of Liv until Mommy comes home."

"Why is your time out so long?" The never-ending fountain of questions continue.

For once she has no idea how to answer in a way that will soothe him, "I don't know Abel, it's complicated."

Abel sighs, "Grown-ups always say that."

"I'm sorry, guys." Tara pulls Thomas onto her lap and kisses his head. "I'm so sorry that I made this mistake and that you guys are being punished with me. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise."

"Are you really ever coming home?" Abel demands.

"ABEL!" Jax's voice booms. Jesus Christ, he couldn't do this. Tara's pain. Tara's guilt. Abel's pain. Thomas's confusion. It was eating him alive. The weight of it filling his lungs with cement, making every breath near impossible.

"It's a legit question!" Tara shoots him a loathing look. "Daddy's just having a bad day-"

"Try years." The father groans. "Daddy is having a bad couple of years.

Tara kicks his shin underneath the table. Leave it to Jax to make it all about himself. "I want to come home but I have to wait until a judge, you know who that is, right?" Abel nods in affirmation. "Well, he...or she will be the one who says if and when I can come home."

"Come on, darlin'" Jax pleads. "I know you miss Mommy. I miss her too. But you have to sleep." The wails continue as daddy's anxiety rises. She's going to wake Abel and Thomas. And the neighbors. And the homeless chick that sleeps in the park in town.

"I can sing to her." Abel rubs his eyes sleepily in the doorway.

"I'm sorry she woke you up, buddy." Exhaustions strains his words. "But my singing will probably make her cry more."

"Mommy likes to sing." The oldest child continues. He climbs on the edge of Jax's bed. "You are my sunshine…" He begins as he rubs his sister's head. His words wash over father and daughter and just for a minute they can both imagine it's Tara's voice.

Soon she falls asleep against his chest and Jax sighs in relief. "Thank you, Abel." He whispers, "You have a magic touch."

"Aren't you going to put her in there?" Abel yawns, pointing to the pack and play Gemma originally set up in Thomas' room.

"Hel-heck no!" He whispers, cringing at the thought of her wailing like she did the five previous times. He struggles to turn the comforter down with one arm as his other is full of his sleeping daughter. "I'll tell you what, turn on that monitor for me, so I can listen for Thomas…." He nods to the nightstand on Tara's side of the bed, "and then you can sleep in here too."

"Really?!" the almost seven year old asks in the excitement of disbelief. When mommy was home, daddy always said no to him about sleeping in their bed. He quickly turns on the monitor and snuggles under the covers before daddy can change his mind.

All too soon, Jax hears the sound of his cell ring. He moves to jump up for it quickly but the solid pressure on his chest stops him. That's right. Olivia. Hell. No jumping up. Then it registers that it is the middle of the night and something must be wrong. No good phone calls happen at this hour. Holy shit, something could have happened to Tara. He gets up as gently as possible so not to disturb his precious cargo and follows the sound of his phone. It stopped briefly and picked up, telling him that the caller hung up and redialed. The caller id reads "unknown" and panic grips him. "Yeah?"

"Jax?!" The tension is immediate. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" He demands at the same time, causing Liv to whimper.

"What took you so long to pick up the phone?" Tara demands. "Are the kids okay? How's Olivia? Is that her I hear?"

"Shit!" He sighs, sitting back on the bed and glancing over to make sure Abel is still sleeping. "I woke her up going for the phone." She wasn't fully awake and wailing, maybe there was hope for him. "Babe, what's wrong?"

She clears her throat, "What do you mean?"

"It's the middle of the night." He closes his eyes, all the bullshit is catching up to him. "Did something happen? Are you hurt?"

He can't even describe the tortured sound she makes and it feels as though he's taken a bullet to the chest. "I can't sleep." She admits, her voice is strained from not crying.

"What happened?" He demands, he will go to that damn prison and slit a bitches throat.

"Nothing." She replies in confusion. What the hell was he thinking? That she needed him to come here and handle some light work? "I can't sleep." She repeats.

More alert now, it dawns on him. Tara's panic this morning. "Babe, Olivia is fine."

"She just settled in like she's used to life on the outside?" Again the restraint of tears breaks his resolve. He doesn't know whether it's better for her to think Olivia adjusted fine or to admit that he was drowning and their child had to rescue both father and sister.

"We had a rough night." He admits. "But Abel saved us. She's fine now, Tara, I promise." He steadily taps her diapered bottom and prays she doesn't scream her head off while Tara's on the phone. "I'm worried about you. What phone are you using? How did you get it?" He doesn't want to think about what she had to do for this opportunity.

"Don't worry about it." The money and favors she owed out where worth it to her. "How are my boys?"

"They're good. Abel helped me get Olivia down." He already mentioned him saving the night but still…. "And Thomas is thankfully a heavy sleeper."

"She hasn't fallen back to sleep yet." A sniffle escapes Tara as she looks down the corridor from her cell to make sure she hasn't alerted any guards. "Put the phone up to her ear, just for a bit."

"Okay." He whispers and does as she asks. Soon the real Tara's voice washers over him…

"You are my sunshine….." Abel with that deep sense of his momma, burrows close to his daddy's side as if he wants a listen too. Jax decides to use the speaker function. Somehow, all three Teller's fall asleep to the melodic sounds of Tara, "My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray….."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He's not happy. At all. Three weeks later and Jax can still see the bags under her eyes on visiting day. As usual, she fawns all over the kids and practically ignores him.

"I not like it here." Thomas vents when the table next to them gets rowdy.

"Me neither." Abel admits when the guard disciplines the table with a warning for their behavior.

"I know, guys." Tara secures Olivia on her lap and leans into the table before releasing both hands to reach across and touch the boys. "And it's okay if you'd rather not come visit. I know—"

What in the fuck was she saying? Not visit? "Tara—"

"It's okay, daddy." She begins.

"I'm not your child." Venom seeps through his words.

"Noted." She gets out through her teeth. Looking solely at the boys again she continues. "Anyhow, like mommy was saying, I know this isn't a nice place. I bet you'd rather be home playing or having fun. It's okay to not come visit."

"What is this? What the hell are you doing, Tara?" The icy tone is enough to draw the attention of all three of his children.

His wife, however, remains unfazed. "This is me." She takes a deep breath. "Being strong when and where you can't be."

"You need to stop." Her words remind him of the night she told him she was leaving. She was taking their boys and moving to Oregon. Claimed he would follow if he loved her. Suddenly, he's back to that same anger he felt that night. Blindsided by her wanting to be away from him, wanting to trust that junkie bitch legally for their children.

Abel looks perplexed. "You won't be sad?" He thinks that he will miss seeing mommy. No one asks about school the way she does or help him with his drawings.

It's amazing how intuitive her son is to both the tension around him and his mother's heart. "I will be." She admits. "And I'll miss seeing you so much. But I'll understand. And we'll have our letters and our phone calls…."

"This is bullshit!" Suddenly Jax is slamming his hand on the table.

"Teller!" A guard comes close to the table in warning. "No disturbances."

The threatening sound that comes from his should be considered a damn disturbance on its own. "This isn't a disturbance, this is a private family discussion."

"One that apparently you aren't exercising control in." The guard smirks, already feeling the thrill of kicking Jackson Teller, MC Prince, out of here on his ass.

"The only control you should worry about-"

"I'm not feeling well." His wife interrupts, trying to diffuse her husband's volatile temper. "You should get the kids home." She kisses Olivia on her head and holds her close, inhaling her scent and as usual committing it to memory.

"We're not done here." Jax warns. What inmate ends a visit early voluntarily? His wife apparently in an attempt to get away from him.

"Yes, we are." She whispers, standing and holding their daughter out to him so she can properly say goodbye to the boys. She tries to ignore the pissing contest between the guard and her husband, silently praying she won't have to face the consequences from it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Weeks later, she swallows thickly when Jax walks through the courthouse doors. He's wearing a flannel shirt tucked into a pair of dark wash jeans. His hair is slicked back. He looks like walking sex and despite all the fuckeduppedness to their marriage, she still wants him with every fiber of her being. "What's he doing here?" She watches as he walks through the metal detector and is still searched by an official.

Lowen shrugs and rolls his eyes, "His boy Rosen told him." Jesus, she couldn't wait for the day Tara was eventually released and she was out of the Teller family drama. She'd probably permanently relocate north before that actually happened though.

"Wasn't he the one who was so sure Jax's presence screwed me during my trial?" Tara asks, her eyes never leaving the six foot frame heading purposefully her way. She recounts the excruciating arguments between the partners, one certain that having a husband there made her relatable, surely a wife and mother, wouldn't be guilty. The female partner felt none of that mattered if the husband in question was the president of a motorcycle club, a club connected to the murderer for crying out loud. It didn't make sense to her either way. She doesn't wait for a response. "I was pretty clear that I didn't want him to know." Ally warned her that this was basically just a technicality, no one was released on bail their first go-around for a violent crime. "This is only going to break his heart." And while she wanted out, far away from SAMCRO and Gemma, the thought of breaking Jackson's heart was a cross she didn't know if she could carry.

Lowen is quiet as Jax makes his way to them. "Can we get a minute?" He asks. The guard and lawyer move a few feet. He resists the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn't wait to get her out of here and have her to himself. To be able to have a damn conversation that wasn't monitored by anyone else. "Hey." He smiles.

"Hey." One corner of her mouth turns up. "What are you doing here?" She whispers.

"More importantly." He sighs. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"There's nothing to tell." She shrugs sadly. "Surely your pal Rosen, informed you that this is just a legal technicality. No one gets on their first attempt for a violent crime."

"They do when they don't deserve to be in here in the first place." He raises his voice. For a second, Tara smiles and his heart skips a beat. Maybe he's finally getting through to her.

"What are you doing here?" Her words and focus alert him that her smile was never intended for him. He turns and recognizes the woman from the FRP.

Sarah's smile is wide. "Your lawyer called me as a character witness."

"You really-" Tara is cut off when a bailiff calls her name.

"Sorry," Lowen smiles uncomfortably, "We have to go." She nods to Tara as the guard comes to escort her to the room.

Jax watches as the doors shut. "They're not going to let us in there?" Damnit, he wanted to be visible to the judge; make sure he didn't back out on the bribe.

"Of course they will." A no-nonsense voice that makes Jax stand up straight says from behind him. He should have known she'd be here.

"DA Patterson," His smile is feral. "You have enough free time to handle probation hearings? And here I thought I read that crime was up."

"As long as motorcycle gangs run guns, crime will be elevated." She holds his gaze. "You'll have to excuse me, I have to sign in with the judge."

Jax waits until she's inside the closed courtroom and mutters, "Shit!" in a whisper. If there was one person who could ruin this for him, it would be the persistent district attorney. Minutes later, he works hard to have his face neutral to Tyne Patterson but threatening to Judge Anderson. He watches as Sarah sits at the small desk next the judge and talks about how Tara isn't like most prisoners, how much she's helped other convicted mothers to continue their education, held parenting classes, and CPR seminars. He smiles because she's made Tara into some saint. Internally, he's sad because he was unaware of most of this information. When an Elizabeth Smith is called, his attention turns, eager to see the girl whose mother came to him. Her youthful innocence surely seals Tara's fate. The judge asks Patterson if she has any thoughts to add.

"Yes, I would like it noted that in Dr. Knowles-Teller's two year incarceration, she visited the infirmary three times." Patterson stands. "And the hospital once…."

"Please note," Lowen also stands, "That one of those infirmary visits was for something my client was not involved in at all, and it's documented as such. The other two occurred in general population. The hospital visit…." Lowen chuckles sarcastically, "speaks for itself, my client gave birth."

"Noted." The judge looks bored. "From both attorney's. Anything else District Attorney Patterson?"

"Again, I would like to note the violent nature in which Pamela Toric was murdered. Unfortunately, her minor children are unable to be here to share victim impact statements."

"Please note," Lowen retorts with constrained anger, "that Pamela Toric had a brother, who was a US marshall. He's also unable to be here because he's dead, murdered by Otto Delaney. The same man, NOT my client, who brutalized Ms. Toric."

"Noted." Judge Anderson sighs. "Anything else?"

"I think the presence of Jackson Teller, president of the Sons of Anarchy Redwood Original chapter speaks for itself."

"I think it does speak for itself," Lowen smiles, "I think it shows that Dr. Knowles-Teller has a family. She has three small children waiting on mommy to come home. She has a husband who has waited for his wife. She has strong ties to the community of Charming. It shows that my client is ready to transition back to the outside world."

When the judge deliberates to discuss the case with the panel, Jax leans over and asks Lowen, "How do you think that went?"

"It went, Jax." Lowen sighs. "The character witnesses were an excellent touch but it's going to take an act of God to get Tara paroled this year."

He leans to the side and squeezes Tara's shoulder but she tenses immediately. "How long are they usually back there?" He asks Lowen.

"Until they reach a decision." The lawyer answers with an eye roll. The bailiff comes over and whispers in the lawyer's ear. "Okay, they won't be back until after lunch…."

"So I have to come back?" Tara asks in confusion.

Lowen chuckles. "No, we'll go sit in the hallway and eat."

"I can't eat." Tara replies. "I need to puke."

"I'll get you a ginger ale from the vending machine." Jax offers. "Want anything?" He grudgingly offers Lowen.

"A soda, thank you." She smiles sarcastically.

It feels like hours when it has only been forty five minutes spent with Tyne Patterson glaring at them from a bench across the hall but they are called back.

Both Jax and Tara struggle to calm their nerves as Judge Anderson begins, "This isn't my usual cut and dry probation hearing." He admits. Jax rolls his eyes, _yeah I bet not. _"The nature of your crime is brutal. Whether you brought the murder weapon intentionally or not, your actions helped facilitate the brutal murder of a young, vibrant, professional, single mother. Yet, you have no previous violent history. You have professional people writing and giving exemplary character statements. You have accomplished a great many things while incarcerated, even furthering your own already esteemed education." He pauses for effect. "It's the decision of the panel to allow you early release."

He tries hard, really hard to pull of the same shock and surprise as Tara and Ally but he thinks his grin may not indicate any shock. Whispers, gasps, groans are all abundant in the room. "Quiet!" Anderson bangs his gavel and waits for his command to be answered. "Please understand that the rest of your original seven year sentence will be completed with the restrictions and regulations or probation. If at any time, you fail to meet those requirements, you will be incarcerated for your full sentence."

**Another A/N: Anyone who knows me, knows the angst will not end with Tara's release ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: All characters belong to Sutter as usual. **

**I am so sorry for the long delay. We had 2 deaths in our family between late January/early February. And you know, there's always that kids/hubby/family stuff lol. **

**For those who have asked, yes, I am still planning that 3 part story mentioned at the end of Beginnings. I'm currently 15k words into part 1. As soon as I can get part 1 completed, it will be posted. **

**Thank you all for hanging in there with me. Enjoy the angst...**

**Chapter 10**

**"****It's the decision of the panel to allow you early release."**

Waiting 10 days after hearing those precious words was not how Tara ever allowed her mind to think. Granted, she didn't expect to hear the words in this year, nor the foreseeable future at all. It's just once they left the judges mouth and he continued his warnings long enough for her to realize she wasn't dreaming, she assumed she would go home. Just like that. Visions of her opening her arms and the children running into them filled her mind. What a naïve thought. Ten days later, she still sits in a cell with someone doing a five year stretch for arm robbery. She rolls her eyes as the guards announce breakfast. Per her usual morning routine, she looks to the cinderblock wall on her right and immediately sees the picture of Olivia's first birthday. Despite her circumstances, she smiles. "Yo, Doctor I'm married to the MC King" Sarcastic guard number she's lost count, says.

There's so many replies that she could make but she's holding it all in, afraid that one outburst, one screw up will keep her away from her kids. "Yes?"

"Must be your lucky day." Ms. Sarcastic sucks her teeth as she unlocks the cell and tosses a government issued burlap sack on the bed. "Pack up. Warden wants you up for processing."

Processing, as in release processing? Happiness lights up her face instantly. Was this really happening? Was this the day she would get to tuck her kids into their own beds? Was this real?

**"****It's the decision of the panel to allow you early release."**

The best words he heard in two years followed by ten days of anxiety. He wasn't expecting her to have to wait for procedural bullshit. Then again, his knowledge of parole and probation was limited to deals guaranteeing a time frame. Leaving the diner in the truck stop where his brothers are endlessly flirting with the waitress, he steps outside for a cigarette. He spots a three piece suit chatting with a parked trucker and starts to recall a different time and a different three piece suit.

_"__Where's the person in charge of this shithole?" A cocky snarl, (obviously a fed-prick) states upon entering the clubhouse. _

_"__Gemma, the manager of this bar,….." Piney's gruff voice booms, "is right across the lot, in the other shithole." Laughter amongst the guys rings out. _

_"__I need someone who knows about your tags." He fed rolls his eyes. _

_"__Tags?" Opie questions with a smirk. He wasn't supposed to be here. Donna would kill him if she knew he swung by for a beer with his old man, most specifically because of where he was. You would think a man who just finished a five year bid wouldn't want to antagonize a law enforcement agent. Ah well, since when did he do what was expected. "We don't tag shit." _

_"__Not what I hear." The prick makes a production of showing his piece. "I hear you tag your whores…_

_"__Whores?" Jax struts out from the back where he's just gotten a shower. "What's the trouble, officer?" _

_Opie rolls his eyes. "Apparently, we tag our whores."_

_"__Nah," Jax smirks. "Just our ole' ladies." The blond behind the bar passes an opened Budweiser to Jax. "Thanks, darlin'" _

_"__Whore, ole' ladies." Sarcasm drips from every word. "I don't give a shit. I got a Jane Doe found along I-66, Santa Cruz. Distinguishing mark is a tramp stamp….." _

_Suddenly the fuck off smirk disappears from Teller's face, his heartbeat becoming erratic as the man's words slowly fade out. _

_"__What's this got to do with SAMCRO?" Piney interrupts. "Lots of girls have tramp stamps. I think it's called a fad or something." _

_"__I started asking around, got bored waiting on fingerprints to come back." He sniffles. "Mentioned the crow tramp stamp and someone mentioned Sons of Anarchy. Quite a rep you all have, by the way." _

_Visions of Tara immediately rush to Jax's mind, it's not a hard reach, as she was always lingering in his thoughts anyway. He can still remember holding her hand as she straddled the chair backwards, uncomfortable as all hell but took it like a champ even though he knew it hurt like a bitch. "This Jane Doe have a description?" His voice sounds grainy, even to his own ears. _

_"__Yea, brunette, green eyes, about 5'5." He's too busy reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket to pick up on the reaction of the biker prince. "No other distinguishing marks….."_

_"__Are you fucking stupid?" Opie's voice booms. "That ain't no crow. Don't you have someone you pay big bucks to analyze shit?….That's a raven." _

_"__Our specialist said it was a crow." The arrogant agent huffs. "Pretty sure I'll trust her word over yours, outlaw." _

_"__Whatever the hell it is…." Piney clears his throat. "It wasn't tattooed to any Sons ole' lady." _

_Jax thinks the agent is on his way out but can't be sure. All the voices around him are muffled. Brunette. Green eyes. His Tara. Santa Cruz. Last he heard she was in San Diego for school but surely she could have moved on. What if it had been her? He hadn't seen or heard anything about her in ten years. Was she even alive? Just thinking about the alternative sends his stomach rolling. Even if she was alive, ten years would change a person. Would he even know her anymore? Was she even the same person? The same woman who loved him and knew him better than anyone? _

He shakes his head, trying to clear the unpleasant memory. Where was this shit coming from? Christ, he couldn't wait to get Tara home. He knew it wouldn't be sunshine and rainbows but they'd get through it. They could get through anything, right? Of course they can, he thinks, pulling out the burner cell from his kutte.

"Unknown number." Lowen groans, as she checks the caller id on her cell that is docked on the dash. "Jax has been calling at this time every day since the hearing."

The comment hangs in the air, accompanied by the steady ring on the cell. "Don't answer it," Comes her passenger's breathy response. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin. Everything felt foreign to her. She thought she had lost all of the baby weight after delivery but the clothes that she was given to change into didn't fit, didn't feel right. Not quite tight but not loose either, she couldn't explain it.

"Tara…" The lawyer groans as the cell stops ringing. "Why are you avoiding him?" It wasn't really any of her business. Tara was technically her client, except Jax considered everything involving his wife his business, thus making him a pain in the ass for the last two years.

The laughter released sounds foreign. "I'm not avoiding him." It's only been two years but she swears everything looks different. "You said, Bobby said, he was on a run."

"Maybe Bobby told him I was looking for him." Tara used her one phone call to have Lowen track down Jax to pick her up, not wanting to waste the phone call if Jax wasn't available. "And like I said, he has called every day to see if it's release day."

"I'll call him after I get settled with the kids." Tara's smile is sad. "Besides, not much he can do from wherever the hell he is anyway."

Lowen doubted Jax would see it his wife's way but she kept her opinion to herself. "So, where to?"

Tara looks at the time on the dash. "Abel's in school." Or he should be anyway, she thinks. Did she go there and surprise him? Pull him out of class to spend time with her? "I guess, go to the house. I'll grab Thomas and Olivia."

"Grab them?" The lawyer's voice is laced with panic. "You can't just leave with them, Tara…..I know every instinct is telling you to run…."

Tara laughs, how stupid does Lowen think she really is? "I'm not running anywhere. I'm going to grab the kids and then pick Abel up from school." When Tara decides the time is right to make her move, to secure a safe future for the kids, she surely won't allow the club's lawyer in on it. Two years behind bars and the former doctor has a clear sense of who she can trust: no one.

"Oh," Her uncomfortable chuckle hangs in the balance. "Of course." She clears her throat. "There was no answer when I called the house."

"There usually isn't." Her eyebrow crinkles. When did Main Street get a salon? Bet Floyd was pitching a bitch. He wouldn't care if it was marketed to women or not. "You know, Jax didn't even have a land line before I moved in. He only got one to make it easier for me because I needed internet."

"Jax never really lived there before you." Lowen reminds her needlessly.

Tara shakes her head as they turn off Main Street. She didn't want to think about that time. Imagining Jax married to another woman, she'd rather chew her own arm off.

"Something funny?"

"Just thinking about this zombie craze." Tara smiles, easily thinking of Liz, the young mother she was fortunate enough to work with. "Apparently, it's a new thing….people are seriously worried about a zombie apocalypse?!"

"Ah…." Lowen pulls into the empty driveway. "I have heard about that." She cuts the engine. "Now what?"

"Where's my car?" Tara looks around at the overgrown landscape. Wasn't obsessive, compulsive Gemma Teller-Morrow yapping at prospects about this?

The lawyer looks around, "I think whoever has the kids for the day, drives it."

_Of course_, Tara rolls her eyes but doesn't voice her thoughts aloud. "Give me a second." She gets out of the car and walks to the front door. It's locked and she realizes that she doesn't have her keys on her. She gave her purse to Lowen when she was hauled off to prison. Why didn't she think about that before now? Feeling ridiculous, she knocks on the door. No answer. Perplexed, she heads for the garage. She tries not to notice JT's bike or all the work Jax has obviously done to it. Instead she focuses on the fact that Jax usually forgets to lock this door. Doesn't matter, no one in Charming would be stupid enough to break into Jackson Teller's house anyway. And as expected, the kitchen entrance opens easily for her. She pauses in the doorway allowing her access from the garage/laundry room to the kitchen. The furniture has been moved around a bit. Breakfast dishes fill the sink, counter, and table. Whoever had the kids this morning did not clean up. The highchair makes her smile. God, how she's missed her babies. Otherwise, she finds the kitchen cold, empty of all warmth. Cutting through the kitchen, she heads to the living room, toys and blankets are thrown about. Instead of making her feel homey, she feels like an outsider. Who did this stuff belong to? It wasn't hers or Jax's. Not that she knew of anyway. There's a large giraffe next to the chair that makes her smirk as she recalls Abel telling her about it. Finishing her tour there, she heads for the bedrooms. Abel and Thomas' rooms no longer have that cherished vibe she worked so hard to create. What had happened in the years she had been gone? Taking a deep breath, she prepares herself for the room she's always shared with Jax. The comforter is the same, she notes. As usual, he didn't make the bed. Who last slept in here, with him on the road? She notes the pack and play.

Olivia has been home for weeks. Was she still sleeping in a damn pack and play? Damnit, that wasn't ideal sleeping for a toddler! Why did this whole house feel cold? Empty? Lacking? But most importantly it felt as though it belonged to someone else entirely. This wasn't the home that once provided her everything she ever wanted.

"Tara!" Lowen calls from the kitchen. "I'm not trying to rush you but I have an appointment soon."

"It's ok." She smiles sadly. "No one is here anyway and I have no car."

"I can run you by TM." Lowen's eyes do a quick inventory of the messy kitchen. "The shop should have something you can drive, right?"

"Or someone will know where my kids are." Tara's eyes widen in anticipation. As she heads across the kitchen, she stops and opens a drawer under the countertop. Giving a hard look at the several burner phones inside, she bites her lip, and considers taking one but instead slams the drawer. "Let's go."

The drive to TM is short. She hasn't spent much time talking to Jax about his work and she's surprised to see the shop look busy. Her gaze lands on Thomas, who is climbing on the playset. "They're here!" For the first time, a genuine giggle that radiates happiness fills the car. The sleek sedan doesn't even come to a full stop before she exits the vehicle. "Thomas!" She shouts, jogging across the lot.

"Mama! Mama!" Tara knows that babble anywhere. For the first time, she notes Olivia. She's sitting on a blanket, grasping the bench for support as she's trying to rise. The bench houses Wendy and the sight makes Tara's blood boil.

"MOMMY!" Thomas' squeal breaks her from her thoughts of murder. She takes a deep breath and cautions herself to reign it in. Her anger and outrage won't save her babies.

She giggles as the boy runs into her open arms. "Hi, baby."

"Bye bye timeout?" Thomas asks, already twisting to get back down.

She puts him down and opens her arms to Olivia as she walks over to her. "No more timeout." Acknowledging Wendy's presence visually she continues, "Mommy's home, monkey."

"Does Jax know?" Wendy asks nervously. She can't imagine he does. He's been climbing the walls for days.

"He's gonna flip his shit." Bobby laughs good naturedly as he walks across the lot. "But I'm sure glad to be the first SON to welcome you home."

Tara's smile comes natural. She can't help it, Bobby has always been good to her. She can easily recall how attentive he was when Jax became President. "Hey, Bobby." She is quickly wrapped in a bear hug.

"I would have planned something…." his smile drops as he glares at Lowen, "if anyone bothered to tell me you were coming home."

"Thanks for the thought." She adjusts Olivia on her hip. "But I'd rather just hang out with my kids. Speaking of," she turns to Wendy. "I'm going to need my keys so I can pick Abel up from school."

"Gemma has your ride." Bobby answers, picking up on the tension between the two women. "And she left to pick Abel up a bit ago."

"Kinda early, isn't it?" Tara wonders, trying to recall the time last noted in Lowen's car. Before prison, she would have swiped out her cell to check the time. "Abel has tutoring today, right?"

"Didn't really work out with Gemma's schedule." Wendy informs her when Bobby chooses not to say anything. "She was signing him out early."

Tara rolls her eyes but resists the urge to publically announce what an absolute dumbass the matriarch in discussion is. _It didn't really matter anyway, momma was home now. She would make sure Abel was on track school wise. Education was the only shot her kids had of making it out, and Tara was determined to make sure they succeeded._

"Uh…" Lowen clears her throat. "I, uh…."

"You have to get going." The newly free woman smiles. "It's ok. You can go. I'll wait here for Gemma and Abel."

"Cool." The lawyer's word does not match her expression at all. "I have some of your things….." She nods in the direction of her trunk. Tara follows the woman with Olivia still on her hip but turns immediately when Thomas shouts for her in a panic. Once he realizes his momma isn't leaving him, he runs to her, across the parking lot. Tara is silently thrilled that her middle child wants her. Lowen smiles at the sight. "Okay, this is your purse with everything you had in it when you were taken in."

Reaching for it, Tara smirks, "Thanks." She tosses the strap awkwardly over her shoulder and grabs the thick envelope the other woman is handing her. "What's this?" Tara looks inside and sees a significant amount of cash.

"All the money you've paid me in the last two years."

"You working pro-bono now?" Tara looks at her lawyer but realizes the other woman is looking at Bobby. "What's going on?"

"The club paid me." The abrasive tone tells Tara everything she needs to know. "Make sure Jax knows I refunded you."

"I wasn't the club's problem." Tara rolls her eyes but knows this fight is useless. She'll need to deal with Jax on her own. "But thanks, I'll take care of it."

"You sure you're going to be alright?" She doesn't like to leave her client here but can't help being happy to leave as Gemma pulls into the lot.

"I'll be fine." Tara informs her. "Thanks for everything, Ally. Really." Tara watches the woman back up before noting the passenger door to her SUV opening.

"ABEL!" Gemma yells but it's useless.

The boy is already out the door and running to his mother. "MOM! MOM, YOU'RE HOME!"

"I am, baby." She kneels down, both so she can embrace her firstborn and so she can be close to Thomas and Olivia so they don't run off. "I missed you so much!" She's so lost in the happiness that she doesn't notice the sneers of both Wendy and Gemma.

"Abel!" The sound of the car door slamming registers with Tara and she takes a deep breath. "I don't care who is home. You don't get out of the car until it stops."

Abel stiffens at his grandmother's harsh tone. "I can take it from here." Tara rises to meet the woman, placing the thick envelope in her purse. "And I'll take my keys so we can get out of here."

"Jax know you're out?" Gemma completely ignore the hand that's waiting for keys.

"He will." Of that Tara had no doubt. Bobby had already been frantically on his cell and she wanted to get out of there before she was forced to have an unpleasant, public conversation with her husband. "Give me my keys, Gemma. You don't want me here anymore than I want to be here." The tension is thick and Tara's pulse speeds up but she refuses to give the other woman the upper hand.

Gemma wants to deny her, it's obvious. But she can't with the club members and hang-arounds now watching. "Have a good night."

"Tell Grandma you'll see her later, guys." Tara picks Olivia up as the boys share an awkward goodbye her.

"Uh….excuse me." Wendy clears her throat and neither woman seems sure of who exactly she is addressing. "How am I getting home?" Gemma usually drove her home these days.

"Not my problem." Tara shrugs as she opens the door for the boys to climb in. "Have a wonderful evening." She adds sarcastically.

"Well that wasn't uncomfortable at all." Wendy snarls as they watch the SUV pull out of the lot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It feels liberating to be in control again, if only briefly. Being behind the wheel, making this SUV go wherever she wants it to, taking her children where she wants, when she wants….it's a high that Tara is relishing in. She's busy listening to the chatter of all three of her kids at once when she laughs, "One at a time, guys, I can't listen and answer everyone at once." She stops at a red light and notices the filth that is her truck. When was it last detailed? Noting the stale, smoky smell she rolls down the window. "Ugh, it stinks in here. I'm so sorry, guys." She pulls out the ashtray and sees that it's full. Great, someone was smoking with her babies in the car.

"Mom, where are we going?" Abel asks.

"I don't know." She accelerates when the light turns green. "Where do you want to go?"

"To our park!" Abel shouts.

"Our park" is a big playground in Lodi that Abel has loved since Tara first took him as a toddler. "Sure thing!" She promises. "Have you been here recently?"

"Dad took me one day." He doesn't give any indication of when "one day" was and Tara notes his use of Mom and Dad, no longer Mommy and Daddy. Her baby was a big boy. "Let's sing songs, Mom."

"You got it." She smiles at him in the rearview. "Tommy, you want to pick the song?"

Tommy smiles in response but doesn't name a song. It occurs to her that he probably doesn't know any of her songs, he probably doesn't remember her even singing to him. "How about the Itsy Bitsy Spider?" Abel laughs. "Liv likes that one."

"She does?" The mother questions.

"Yea, I teached her." Abel informs.

"Taught." Tara smiles. "You taught her." Abel shrugs at the correction. "Ok, the itsy, bitsy spider….." The SUV is filled with laughter, out of tune songs, and happiness all the way to Lodi.

"DAMNIT!" Jax shouts, pressing the off button down hard on his phone. Where in the fuck was she? He's tried the house three times! Taking a deep breath, he dials Bobby again.

"I still haven't heard from her." The older man answers.

"Did you send someone out to look for her?" The president demands. He tries to ignore the panic. Tries desperately to ignore the voice in his head telling him that Tara was home and saw her first chance to get out, to take the kids and make a life somewhere else, anywhere else.

"Yes, Wes drove by the house, she isn't there." Bobby takes a drag from his cigarette. "Prospect has canvased the area, no sight of her ride."

"And no one thought about giving her a pre-pay or something?" Jax reaches into his kutte for his cigarettes.

"Not really. Things went kinda of…" Plenty of words run through Bobby's mind but he's trying to calm the leader down, not rile him up more. "Fast."

"This is bullshit." Jax runs his hand over his face. "I'm calling this meet and greet off, heading home…."

"What's your problem, Jax?" Bobby demands. "I'm sure she's fine. She knows you're on a run. She's probably just enjoying the kids."

"She's without a cell somewhere, Bobby." Jax yells. "I haven't even had a chance to tell her what's up with shit…..Fuck, I didn't even know she was out." And why the hell was that? Why didn't Tara call him or Lowen even? Why didn't he know she was out until she was flying solo?

"Listen boy," Bobby begins, "Shit's bad…ain't gonna lie….but no one is stupid enough to mess with your old lady. And she's on probation so she can't exactly go just anywhere."

Two hours of fun on the playground and she realizes she was totally unprepared for this outing. And really, why the hell wasn't there a diaper bag in the vehicle anyway? With two kids in diapers, there should definitely be one inside. Mental note, she's home now, she can potty train Thomas. "Alright guys," Tara groans as she prepares for the resistance she knows is about to come, "I'm sorry but it's getting late…." She looks up at the sunset. "We need to decide what we're doing for dinner but first, we need to stop at a store for diapers and wipes for Liv."

"Okay." Amazingly, both boys agree.

_That was too easy_, mom thinks to herself. "What do you guys want for dinner?" She asks, leading them back to the car.

"Can we go out?" Abel asks.

"Maybe." She shrugs, it wasn't like she didn't have a shitload of money in her purse. Besides, she seriously doubted the refrigerator or pantry was stocked at the house. "What would you guys like to eat?" She makes sure all three are fastened securely before getting in the driver's seat, noting that the gas station will have to be the first stop.

"McDonald's!" Abel shouts.

She dreamed of a lot of different foods when she was on the inside. Hell, when she was pregnant with Olivia, she'd have killed for Chick Fil A. But she can honestly say that she has no desire for McDonald's. "Uh…I don't know. Let's see what's open on the way home." She's crossing her fingers for something, anything better than Mickey D's.

Luckily, she spots a gas station quickly after getting on the main road. She pulls all three kids out of the car, since she's paying with cash, not something she was really used to but she couldn't even complain. Besides, the small store inside sold diapers and wipes, so overall she'd consider it a win. As the boys buckle up, the gas pumps, and she changes a wet Olivia, a sign across the street catches her eye, Pizza and Subs, Dine-in or Carry-Out. "Hey boys, how about pizza for dinner?"

"YAY!"

"YEAH!"

"Peehaaaa!"

"Sounds like a yes to me guys!" Tara smiles as she buckles Olivia in.

"Mommy, gooooooooooooooooood!" Thomas says a bit later from his booster seat, after his first few bites.

"It is good." Tara admits. She cuts a few more pieces off for Olivia to attempt with her fork. She's not doing too badly and she finds herself wondering if she's had pizza here on the outside before tonight. "In fact, this might be the best pizza I've ever had." She's not exaggerating. The cheese, the dough, the mushrooms (on her slices only) are an amazing combo. God, she's missed real food. She couldn't wait to actually cook her own food. Tomorrow, she'd definitely grocery shop.

"Mom, can you make ziti?" Abel asks with a mouthful of food. "Oh, and cookies…and macaroni and cheese..."

"Is that all?" Tara laughs. "Have you missed my cooking?" She considers herself to have okay culinary skills. She was always so busy between work and the boys that she never had a ton of time to devote to it. Of course, that would no longer be the case. She shakes off the sadness at the loss of her medical career. She has her kids. That would be more than enough.

"YES!" Abel smiles. "Wendy isn't a very good cook." He swallows a bite of food. "Brooke either."

"Grandma probably cooked a lot for you." Grandma sucked in a lot of areas, but Tara could admit the woman made Betty Crocker look like an amateur. "Grandma's a great cook."

"Yeah!" Tommy suddenly adds to the conversation. Mom doubts he understand the conversation but it's obvious he wants to be included.

"Some." Abel smiles, the happiness is radiating off of him and Tara thinks she could do this forever, just enjoy her babies. "Is Daddy still on a run?"

She stiffens immediately at his use of words. When Jax would go on a run before, Tara always said he was away for work. Now she wonders exactly what her boy knows about "runs", "I think I heard that he'll be home from his trip tomorrow." That works for her actually, she already had anxiety thinking about the two of them at home together, in such close quarters. "I know he's missing you though." She loves him, she can't deny it, she always would. But they want two very different things and she knows there is no way past that.

"He missed some good pizza." Abel laughs. "And he missed the best mom ever!" He hugs her and grins at her in such a way that her heart melts.

"God, I missed you guys so much." She whispers into his neck. "I'm so happy to be home." She clears her throat, bursting into tears in a hick diner wouldn't be appropriate. "Let's clean this up and head home." She drops a kiss to his head. "We need to get baths and get ready for school tomorrow."

"Can I stay home with you?" He whines.

"I wish." She grimaces. "But I think you've missed a lot of school. I'll be there to pick you up from now on though. And we'll do something fun when you get off."

"Pinky promise?" He asks, pointing his small finger in her direction.

Pinky promises were new. "Pinky promise." She agrees.

To her surprise, the phone is steadily ringing when they arrive home. She finds herself staring at it after dropping the bag of diapers and wipes on the small kitchen table. "You want me to answer it?" Abel asks.

"Uh…oh, uh…no." Tara laughs uncomfortably but reaches for the handset. "Uh…hello?"

"You're home!" His relief is palpable. "Where the hell have you been?" He demands. Christ, just hearing her voice has his heart racing and his mind in overdrive.

Who the hell does he think he is? Or talking to for that matter? "Excuse me?" She bites out.

"I've been calling you all damn night!" He exclaims. "Shit." He groans on a whisper. "I'm sorry, babe. I….I….."

"I took the kids to the playground." She explains. "Then we stopped for gas and dinner. Want to see my receipts?" She was being sarcastic. If his ass wanted receipts, she was shit out of luck. She paid cash for everything and didn't bother with retaining proof.

"What?" He asks in confusion. "Don't be ridiculous. You're free to do whatever you want, babe….you know that…."

"Then why are you jumping down my throat?" She shrieks and then sighs. The kids are staring at her if she's grown two heads. Maybe she has, Jax always has brought out the crazy in her. "I'm sorry too….didn't mean to make you worry."

"Why didn't you call me?" It's the question that's plagued him since Bobby told him she was released.

"I heard you were on a…." Abel is watching her curiously, "were away….didn't want to interrupt."

He laughs, she didn't want to interrupt. She was never an interruption, he'd have to remind her of that when he gets home. "I wanted to be there when you were released." He admits. "I'm finishing up at this shithole. I'll be home tonight. It'll be late but I'll be home."

"That's ridiculous!" She laughs nervously. "Stay the night. Get some rest. I'll see you when you get home tomorrow. Here, say goodnight to the kids." Her hand thrusts the phone in Abel's direction. "Talk to Daddy, I'm running to the car to grab your backpack." She doesn't breathe again until she's outside. How was this marriage supposed to work? Could she really go back to life as it was before? Did he really expect her to? She relishes the freedom of the outside as she grabs the backpack, with a large sewn-on patch of a reaper and she cringes. This, this is what she had to change, for her sons.

Coming inside, she expects to see Tommy or Olivia babbling on the phone but is relieved to see that Abel placed the handset back on the charger. "Okay, bath first or homework?" She tapers down the instinct to ask Abel what Daddy said.

"I'm a big boy mom." Abel kicks off his tennis shoes. "A get showers now!"

"Oh, well excuse me." Mom laughs. "Does this big boy need me to set the shower started for him?"

"Yup." He races down the hallway as she heads into the bathroom. Ew, the entire bathroom was filthy. She was assuming that OCD Gemma wasn't frequenting her house from the condition of it. "Give me a sec, Abel, Mommy needs to clean. Can you pick out your pajamas?" He immediately heads off to his bedroom.

"Can I sleep in my boxers like Dad?" He asks from the doorway.

She looks up to see that he's stripped down to his boxers. She sprays the bleach mixture along the tub and toilet before answering. "Does Dad let you?"

The boy gives her classic Jax Teller smirk and shrug. _Oh boy, momma was going to have her hands full. "_Get some pajamas, Abel." She tries for sternness, thinks she may have accomplished it considering he takes off towards his room quickly. She runs to the laundry room for a rag to scrub the tub when she stops and turns the tv on for Tommy and Liv. She locks the garage/laundry room door securely as well as the front door. "Give mommy a minute guys, when Abel gets out of the shower, you two can get a bath." Ugh, she cringes just thinking about her babies in there with it being as dirty as it was currently.

She quickly but efficiently cleans the tub and starts the shower for Abel as she busies herself with the sink and toilet. "Mom, do I have to wash my hair?"

She laughs. "Of course."

"Wendy doesn't make me."

_Wendy is an idiot_, she automatically thinks with an eye roll. "I'm not Wendy." She replies through clenched teeth before she can think better of it.

"I know." Comes a meek reply.

She feels like shit. She's the adult. She's should know better. "Hey monster," She peeks in the open curtain. "I'm sorry." When he looks up at her with eyes that mirror his father, it takes her breath away. "But yes, you have to wash your hair. You were sweaty at the playground, remember?"

"Butitgetsinmyeyes" He mumbles looking at the porcelain bottom.

"What was that, buddy?" She asks. "You need to look up, Abel."

"It gets in my eyes." He tells her.

She smiles. "Come to the back, I'll help with that." She gently teaches him how to lather his hair and tilt his head back into the water and protect his eyes. Ha, clearly the big boy needed his mom. "I think we got it all. Finish up, I'm going to check on your brother and sister." Thank goodness Abel was finishing up because Olivia was one sleepy looking toddler sprawled out on the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tara was exhausted but couldn't sleep. So instead she's scrubbing the kitchen down. Every now and then, peeking in at the three kids sound asleep on the makeshift bed they made on the floor. Abel wanted to sleep in bed with her "and maybe Liv." Mommy didn't know how wise that would be to start, despite Abel's assurance that Dad now let him. But after two years away from them, she wanted them close to her too, so they ended up camping out on the floor and fell asleep to Frozen, what an…interesting movie. At first, she laid there and watched them sleep, cuddling close. But she felt like she might crawl out of her skin, so she took a nice, hot bath, a luxury she often wished for inside. She fiercely wanted to shave her legs but couldn't find her razor. Which lead her mind to wonder where most of her things were, like her easel and laptop. Then she was too alert to try to sleep so she decided to deep clean this disaster of a house. As she wipes down the countertop, lifting the toaster, she thinks over the homework hell with Abel. He was clearly still behind, she'd have to meet with his teachers and devise a plan. It would be best to get homework done right after school, she decides. She wipes the sweat that has gathered at her brow and looking around determines that this place is two hundred percent cleaner than when she arrived. She looks at the time on the stove, one am, she better get some sleep. These kids will run circles around her, come morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the hell?" Jax whispers when his key only opens the door so far. Damnit, Tara latched the chain. Now what was he going to do? He didn't want to risk waking the boys by calling the phone or by yelling. There is some sort of light coming from inside though. Screw it, he'll try the garage side.

"Who is it?" He groans at her voice, meek and filled with sleep, but God it sounds heavenly.

"Me." He smiles. "Why'd you lock the chain?"

"You weren't supposed to come home." She says softly while opening the door. She was home alone with three kids, what did he really expect?

_I told you I was_, he seethes to himself. _And if you weren't so quick to get off the phone, you would know this._ "Babe," He pulls her around by the elbow and notices her stiffen immediately at his touch. "It's your first night home." He pulls her stiff body to him and wraps her in a hug. Feeling her heartbeat against his chest erratically, judging from her posture, it isn't in excitement. "There isn't anywhere else I want to be." He mumbles against her neck, waiting for her to relax into his, mold herself against him the way she does. When it doesn't happen, he focuses on the living room, noting the scents of bleach, surrounding them. "What's this?" He tries for a laugh as he forces himself to release her.

"Oh." She gives a small laugh. "We're camping out."

He nods, taking off his kutte. "Be back in a sec." He switches the safety on his piece and heads down the hallway, putting his gun away in a secure location, she knows.

Taking the opportunity presented, she climbs back into the make shift bed and pulls Olivia close to her, thankful that Abel is on her other side. "What are you doing?" She asks Jax.

He returns in only his boxers and is attempting to pick Thomas up. "Carrying them to bed." He states as if it's obvious.

"You can't!" She whispers. At his blank look, she continues, "I promised them we were camping out." Still nothing. "I promised to be here in the morning."

Her words break his heart. But damnit, he's missed her. He wanted to spend the night inside of her, showing her just how much. And fuck, didn't she miss him? He knew shit was fucked up between them but she had to miss sex. Tara was a very sexual being, he expected her to be ready to fucking climb him, and he wasn't even getting the vibe that she wanted him in the same damn zip code. "Okay." He sighs.

"What are you doing?" She giggles uneasily.

"What does it look like?" He retorts, repositioning Thomas as much as he could.

"Jax, don't be ridiculous." She laughs softly. "You'll be miserable. Go to bed."

He'll be miserable? Shit, he knew the beds in county had to be better than this. "I've spent enough time away from you." He tells her, moving around, attempting some sort of decent position.

She smiles. Damn him! She reaches onto the couch and tosses another blanket in his direction, assuring herself she'll wake up with him in his bed. "Thanks."

She reaches up to the couch again and smacks around until she finds the remote, she kept the tv on mute but with him home, she decided to shut it off completely. In the dark, she hears him murmur, "I'm so happy you're home, babe."

"Mmmmhmmmmm." She replies.

"I've missed you." He's able to reach over Thomas and run his hands through her hair. "I love you."

"Me too." She murmurs. Being comforted by his touch, even though she wishes she wasn't.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Bet ya'll forgot about this one, huh? My muse isn't the problem...just my crazy, busy life. So welcome to Tara's first weird day home. Enjoy ;)**

**Oh and you know...these characters aren't mine, blah blah blah. I rushed through editing so please excuse any mistakes. **

**Chapter 11**

Tara wasn't prepared at all to be awaken by the two women she cared less to see than just about anyone else. "REALLY?" She demands on a groan with an artic glare in her husband's direction. This was the last thing she wanted to see first thing in the morning. She groans as she gets up stiffly but quickly off the floor and immediately heads down the hall mumbling, "Ever heard of knocking?" as she moves past Gemma and Wendy.

"We did knock." Gemma's smile is insincere at best. "Right before I used my key."

Tara's only reply comes in the form of a door slam which the kids also start responding to by stretching and moving around. "Momma?" Thomas sits up and starts looking around.

"She's here." Jax groans, rising on his elbows. "Just in the bathroom." Sitting up a bit, he pulls the boy to him even though Wendy is reaching out for him.

"Why the hell are you all on the floor?" Gemma asks, as she hurriedly reaches for blankets and starts folding. "Do I even want to know?"

"We camped out, Grandma!" Abel grins. "And Mom is home, so you don't have to take me to school anymore." Apparently, Abel also didn't understand why these two were here.

"What am I? Dismissed now?" Gemma asks with a hand on her hip. "Like freaking chopped liver!" She continues to huff.

"Huh?" The confusion is written all over Abel's young face.

"Don't start, Ma." Jax rolls his eyes as Olivia starts to roll over in his direction. "But why are you here?" He looks blandly in Wendy's direction. "And why is she here?"

"Just wanted to help…." Gemma places the folded blankets on the couch. She could get to the rest later, when Jax and the kids moved their bodies, "the Queen get acclimated."

Wendy smirks and Jax rolls his eyes. He was not looking forward to the tension rising between his old lady and mother. Ever since that shit came out about the letters, things were circling the drain. And that was putting it mildly. Now that there was a prison term between them, things were bound to get worse.

Once the matriarch realizes her son isn't rising to her bait, she moves onto the kitchen. It was obvious that Tara had cleaned the place, she rolls her eyes. She planned on getting to it today, damnit. She'd never admit it but taking care of the whores, the shop, the clubhouse, and every other damn thing was becoming exhausting. She wasn't as young as she used to be. That's why these croweaters and sweetbutts needed to step up or step out, know their place. Well, she'd show Tara who ran shit around here. She would make breakfast. See what little Miss Susie Homemaker thought about that. Opening the refrigerator, she notes the bareness. Rolling her eyes as she picks up the carton of eggs and hopes they haven't expired. Of course, Tara would have to come home when Gemma was preoccupied and Wendy was off the rails again. It isn't like Jax or Lowen told her shit anymore so she had no idea of exactly when the princess was getting out.

Jax picks Olivia up and leads Thomas to the bedroom with them for diaper changes. He can hear drawers slamming from his bedroom and his curiosity is piqued. Finishing quickly with Olivia, he leaves her onesie unbuttoned and carries her over to the threshold to watch Tara. She looks good in their bedroom, he thinks to himself with a smile. "What's wrong?"

"Where's all my shit?" She seethes in a whisper, turning so fast that the towel on her freshly washed hair shakes loose. She seems unconcerned about that as she is gripping the towel around her body tightly, as if she doesn't want him to see what's underneath.

He steps fully inside the room and shuts the door softly. "Tara, what's wrong?" He asks again, hating the way she grows even more rigid the closer he gets. Doesn't she know that covering herself is useless? As if every inch of her isn't ingrained in his brain. Eleven years apart and he couldn't forget, he sure as hell never forgot the last two years either. He reaches into a basket nearby for a pair of gray sweatpants.

"All my things….where did you put my stuff?" She seems near the verge of tears and he scrambles to soothe her. Olivia must pick up on her mother's hysteria and starts whimpering.

"It should all be here!" He assures her. "I would never move your things, babe." Moving them would have felt too much like she wasn't coming home.

"Yea?" She makes some sort of strangled sound. "Well, someone did. I don't even have anything to wear." The dresser shakes as she slams another drawer.

He struggles to maintain a very agitated toddler in his arms as he opens and slams the dresser door. There are things in there but sure enough, he knows they aren't full or in the condition he knows Tara left them in. He opens the closet. "I….I don't know Tara…..give me a minute…." Olivia is squirming in his arms and he decides to place her in the playpen so he can put on the sweatpants and help his wife. She's standing, gripping the side of the playpen like a lifeline, eying her mother with a wise intensity.

"Don't worry about it." She grabs a pair of panties from a half-opened drawer. "I'll figure this shit out later." For now, she'd throw the jeans on she wore yesterday and grab a damn tee shirt. "I don't have time to waste." She grabs somethings and takes off into the bathroom, slamming the door again.

Jax runs a hand down his face and groans in frustration. Stomping out of the room, he's determined to do something for his wife, even if it's just finding her clothing. "Who moved Tara's stuff?" Jax demands from the kitchen entryway as he notes Abel running to find his mother. "And where did you put it?" The fake blank stares he receives from his mother and ex-wife only serve to piss him off more. "Her clothes and shit?"

Gemma is ready to spout off just what she thinks of Tara, with a hand to her hip when Abel comes running in. "Mommy's taking us out to breakfast." His radiant smile does not diminish as he eyes the eggs on the stove.

"Well, no one bothered telling me!" Gemma twists the knob on the stove, effectively killing the fire and gas to the burner as Jax rolls his eyes at her dramatics before heading down the hall. He didn't want to stand there and listen to his mother bitch.

"Hey." Despite the catastrophe of the morning, he can't stop the nervous grin on his face as he puts his hands in his pockets. It's been so long since he had her there with them. "My mom was making breakfast."

"Sorry about that." Tara's smile tells him she's anything but apologetic. "But since it's my first morning home and I haven't been shopping- "She stops as she cringes over combing a knot out of her hair- "I thought breakfast out would be nice. Abel is excited." Her face lights up as Thomas comes into the room. "'Morning baby!" She beams as he rushes over to her embrace. God, she's waited for moments like this one and silently promises herself to never take them for granted ever again. Jax clears his throat and it's obvious she missed what he said, "Sorry, what?"

"Am I invited?" At her confused look, he adds, "To breakfast?" He hates this uncomfortable distance between them.

"Don't be…" She hesitates, "If you wa- I wasn't sure what you had going on this morning." She settles on. "Of course, you're invited." She chuckles awkwardly. "You better hurry if you need a shower. I'll get myself and the kids together."

Things are still strained when he comes into the living room with wet hair but fully dressed. He watches as Tara gets Thomas' shoes on and the phone rings. "Guess I'll get it," his mother huffs. "It's for you." She practically shoves the phone in Tara's face.

Tara grabs the phone as she velcros Thomas' Paw Patrol shoes. "Yea? Sorry, hello?!" Tara rises from where she was squatting on the floor and heads off to the nursery. She stomps back and is agitated. "Yes, I understand! I heard you Ally, got it." She moves the phone below her chin and asks no one in particular, "Where the hell is the diaper bag?"

Jax shrugs, Gemma and Wendy don't seem to care. Tara rolls her eyes at the audacity of them all. Was she the only one who thought a diaper bag was a necessity for two kids in diaper? "Yes Ally, I'll meet you there. I gotta go." She hangs up quickly and looks at Jax expectantly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why not Lumpy's?" Jax asks as he gets off his Dyna at a diner in Lodi. He wanted to ride as a family but Tara insisted that he was going to need to be somewhere before their schedule allowed. He wanted to call bullshit but was afraid of what she would admit, so he gave in.

"I'm not ready for that." She confesses, already anticipating the stares and murmurs of Jax Teller's old lady being out of jail. "Thanks." She says softly as Jax comes around and helps unbuckle Thomas from the back-passenger seat.

"I'm still not used to toting all three with me." He grins as he looks over at his wife and daughter. "But I love it. I love them." The grin is laced with nervousness. "And I love you."

Abel is literally bouncing on the curb, "Come on, Mom! I'm starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrvinggggggggggg!"

Both parents laugh, "We're coming, monster!" Jax hikes Thomas up on his shoulders as the family of five enter the diner.

Later, as Abel digs into his syrup laced pancakes, "You should let me stay home with you today, Mom."

They've already discussed this at length but Tara can't help the smile that adorns her face. Abel is so much like his father, it's insane. He already knows how to work those blue eyes and that dimpled smile. "We already talked about this….we'll do something fun when we finish homework and we have the weekend coming up too."

"Dad…." Abel grins and Tara swears his sapphire eyes gleam. "Tell Mom I can stay home."

Jax has faced bullets with more ease. In fact, he'd rather be facing Mark's crew in this moment. "Well…" He meets his wife'_s_ jade eyes that are clear in their decision. _Do not go against me right now. _ "It is a big deal." He says against his better judgement.

"No." Jade eyes become viridian as she glares at him. "Absolutely not."

"You heard the boss." Jax smiles at Abel as both Olivia and Thomas laugh at something their father isn't even sure he understands. In a desperate attempt to connect, he reaches across to Tara. "I have to check in with the guys but then I'm all yours." It's her first full day on the outside and he wants to spend it with her, as a family; doing whatever the hell she wanted or had planned.

He watches as several emotions appear through her beautiful eyes. "I have a lot of things to do today myself." She starts to look around the diner uncomfortably for a clock.

"Hey." He tugs on her hand and tightens his grip. He waits for the waitress to leave their bill and continues to wait for Tara to meet his gaze before continuing, "I know things…this….is not….I know we have a lot to work on, you and I….but the important thing is that you're home and we can do that now, right?"

_Dear God, how could he be so utterly clueless?_ She's both appalled at his obliviousness and jealous, wishing she could live in his cloud of contentment. "Yea…it's good to be home." She turns her attention to the kids. "You guys done? We don't want to be late, Abel." She reaches for the bill and her purse to pay for it.

"I got this." Jax's brow furrows.

She looks as though she wants to argue, and for a split second he is thrilled to see that spark that he loves in her, but she relents and starts to get the kids ready. He drops forty bucks on the counter and lifts Olivia out of the highchair to help his wife. "But mom…..it's your first day home….." Abel whines as they head out the door.

"You're going to school." Tara states firmly. It wasn't like she doesn't want to keep him home, but he was already far behind his peers and has missed too much time. Besides, it was her luck that she'd let him stay home one day and he'd come down with some illness that he'd have to miss time for and then be even further behind.

"You're MEAN!" Abel shouts and takes off for the SUV.

"ABEL!" Both Jax and Tara shout. Jax's is more in admonishment and Tara's in fear that he'd run into the street. The shouts serve their purpose and Abel's stops immediately.

"I'm sor…"

"Don't ever yell at your mother like that again." Jax says softly yet firmly.

"Jax…it's fine." Tara tries to smile at the older couple passing by them on their way into the diner.

"No, it's not." Jax sighs. "You just got home and—"

"And I don't want anyone treating me with kid gloves." She unlocks the doors. "Especially the kids. It's fine, really."

Jax shares a look with his oldest son that tells him it is not fine in his book. "You asked to stay home and mom already gave you an answer."

"Fine." Abel pouts as he climbs in. "I'll go to dumb school and have another bad day."

"Buckle up, buddy." Tara grimaces as she shuts the door and waits for Jax to walk around the front. "I'll see you later…"

"What time do you have to meet your P.O.?"

She doesn't recall telling him about her phone conversation with Lowen this morning. "How— "

"I'm familiar with the process." He rolls his eyes. "Figure I'll meet you there so you don't have to take the kids in there."

She wants to tell him no but she never thought that far ahead. He was right, it probably wouldn't be a place she'd want the kids to be. She doesn't want Gemma or Wendy watching the kids but on the other hand she hasn't had time to set up alternative childcare either. "I have to be there at 1." She replies. "Think I'll be out in time to pick monster up?"

"You should." He sighs as Abel blares the horn. "Didn't you tell him to buckle up?"

"I did." She smiles, opening her door. "But we're probably running late." She gets in. "So, see you there? I o'clock?" Olivia and Thomas both let out shrieks and she waits for Jax to acknowledge her last comment. "Ok, sounds good." She smiles and starts the ignition. "Abel buckle up. Now buddy!" She watches in the rearview mirror for him to do so before pulling off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As he promised, Jax was outside the courthouse waiting when Tara arrived. She asks him, "Where do you want me to park?"

"You get out and go in." He nods and puts out his cigarette. He was waiting on his wife to nag him about the cigarettes. Yes, he's even missed her nagging, not that she nagged too much compared to what the guys complained about their old ladies anyway. "I'll entertain these hooligans."

"Ha! Good luck." She laughs. "Keep the air on! I have groceries in there." She moves nervously around Jax as he isn't giving her much room to get out. When she moves to the left and he moves to the right, it is blatantly obvious that he's doing it on purpose. "Really?" She can't help her vexed laughter.

"Yup." He admits with a smile. "Really." When she rolls her eyes, he can't help himself. It's been so long. Leaning down to kiss her was involuntary, the move so natural to him that he had no control over it. However, he senses her discomfort even before her posture stiffens and he drops the kiss to her forehead instead.

"Alright, see you in a bit." A car starts honking because they are double parked and Jax glares. "Hopefully. Wish me luck." Her brows rise and she steps away to see Lowen watching her from the glass doors. Suddenly she remembers something and turns around, thankfully Jax hasn't pulled off yet, when the window rolls down she shouts, "There's snacks on the seat in case they get crazy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jesus, Babe…." Jax sighs as he carries the last of the Walmart bags. After her meeting with the probation officer, he checked in at the ice cream shop while she picked up Abel. "I'm glad I got here before you came back."

"I got this." She tells him as she starts unloading the bags onto the counters and table. "You can go handle-business."

"I'm all yours." He tells her as he watches her in awe as she unloads the bags methodically. "What can I do to help?"

"Uh- "Tara takes a deep breath. "Entertain the little ones. I'm just putting the cold stuff away and getting Abel a snack." She'd handle the rest when time allows.

He looks around at the multitude of bags and isn't sure about leaving her alone but she seems like she has an order to her madness so he reluctantly leaves her to it.

"Abel!" Tara calls as she takes some bags into the hallway. "Come and get a snack so we can get started on this homework."

"I don't want to do homework." Abel whines from the floor where he's playing with his father and siblings.

"Abel, listen to your mother." Tara hears Jax instruct as she puts the bags with the things she's bought for herself and the kids on the futon in Thomas' room.

Immediately, the boy pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. "You never made me do it before."

"I didn't know I need to." Father's brows come close together as they mimic his miniature version of himself. "You know you have homework and you know it needs to be done." He wonders if this homework struggle was a the normal around here.

"Wendy says— "Abel ends his statement as Tara walks back in. He instantly picks up on his mother's rigid posture.

"I say your homework needs to be done every night." She takes a deep breath. "Let's go." He makes no move to get up. "Abel, kitchen now!"

An hour later and Jax doesn't know how his wife hasn't lost her mind. He's taken the kids back to Thomas' room just so he doesn't have to hear his oldest son whine incessantly. Several times, he wanted to step in but wasn't sure if he should or not. "Are you finished?" He asks when Abel comes into the room.

"Yes!" The attitude has seemingly vanished. "Mom bought new stuff for us to go into the sprinkler!" Abel starts rooting through the bags on the futon. "She promised something fun after homework!" Bags are falling to the floor in his excitement.

"And you still gave her all that trouble?" Jax asks. His son doesn't reply but Jax knows by the way his shoulders stiffen that he heard him. "Abel, turn around…" The boy finally does, "I don't ever want to hear that you acted that way again. Big boys don't whine."

"Grandma and Wendy say I don't need homework." Abel's eyes are downcast. "That I am special and homework is just more of the stuff I'm already learning at school."

Thank God Tara appears in the doorway because Jax isn't sure how to follow that statement. "Abel, you are special." Tara kneels in front of him and lifts his chin so she can meet his eyes. "But that doesn't mean you don't try your best. Both in school and at home. Special boys always give their best try in everything. And not only are you special— "Tara groans in discomfort as Olivia uses her hair to pull herself up. The moment causes both adults and Abel to break up the tense moment with a laugh. "But you are so smart. And the more time and thinking you put into the schoolwork, it'll get easier, baby. I promise." She pulls Olivia onto her lap and tickles her tummy. "Okay, enough work." She looks at Abel with a smile. "Time to play!"

Tara takes out a sprinkler from one of the many bags now on the floor. She tosses it to Jax who is still mesmerized by his wife. "You can hook this up, Daddy." She snickers.

An hour later and Jax finds himself laughing, "You should have put on a bathing suit yourself." Abel went crazy in the sprinkler. Any ambivalence Thomas may have felt over the spraying water was gone the minute he saw his big brother dive (almost literally) in. Olivia on the other hand, required much coaxing. When verbal encouragement wasn't doing the trick, mom had to hold her by the hand and show her that it was okay, hence the wet attire.

"I don't even own a suit." The brunette beauty rolls her eyes as she sits beside her husband on the small concrete step. She bought a few clothing items at Walmart today but those were just to get her through. She needed a shopping trip almost as bad as she needed a hairdresser. "I don't mind getting wet."

A dirty, irritatingly smug, smirk instantly comes to Jax's face. "You never did."

He laughs when she backhands him, completely expecting it. "Perv."

He grabs her hand after she lands the blow and kisses it. "This is nice." He whispers with his lips to her hand. "I've missed it." She opens her mouth to reply just as his phone rings.

He cringes as he hears her whisper, _"And the reaper calls."_ Tara listens as he tries to pawn whatever issue came up to someone else, Bobby or Chibs she presumes but finally with frustration lacing every word, he tells them he'll be there. "You have to go?" She smiles as both sarcasm and relief fill her words.

"I'm sorry." He sighs. "I'll try to be quick."

"It's ok." She takes a deep breath. "I'm going to get this wrapped up and start dinner." She starts to shake out the new towels she bought them and turns the hose off. "Sorry, guys!" She says as both Thomas and Abel start to complain at the lack of water. "Mommy has to start dinner and daddy has to go to work." She looks at her husband with an evil gleam and towels still in her hands. "You guys should give him a hug before he leaves."

"Thanks, babe." He laughs as his boys each grip a leg. Olivia watches them, seemingly unsure so he bends down to pick her up, giving zero shits about his clothing. The sight melts Tara's hardened heart and she momentarily worries that she won't be able to distance herself and accomplish everything she needs to. One look at her babies and she takes a deep breath. She _has to_ save them. She _has to_ do what JT wanted; _to give them _the life Jax and Opie should have had.

"No problem." She shakes her head from the fog and the towels at the same time, effectively putting the wall back into place. "I'll save dinner."

"What are we having?" Abel asks his mother when she places the Captain America towel around his body. It includes a head piece that looks like Captain America's face mask. "I like my new towel, Mom!"

"Well, someone requested ziti." She smiles as she wraps Thomas up in an Ironman towel similar to Abel's and pulls him into an embrace. "And who am I to disappoint the monster?" She winks at Abel and showers Thomas' face in kisses as Jax looks on, this throat thick. Tara can't wait to bond more with Thomas now that she's home. She missed so much with him and promises herself not to ever miss another milestone. She leaves Thomas on the step as she takes Olivia from her father, wrapping her up as well. The princess and fairy theme wasn't really her style but when she saw this little fox number and showed it to Liv in the store, it was added to the cart immediately. She'll need to carry her, no way can she walk without tripping over it.

"I'm really sorry, babe." Jax opens the door and picks up Thomas to usher them all inside.

"Don't worry about it." Tara gives him a fake smile. "It's business. I know how it is." She leads the boys back to their bedrooms in what he assumes is a plan to get them out of their wet suits. She pauses and turns around as he's putting his kutte on. "Get home safe." She instructs him softly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jax enters the clubhouse to drumrolls and catcalls along the bar. "Thought we'd have to drag your bare-ass out of bed!" Bobby teases, squeezing the president's shoulders while Chibs' pats him heartedly on the back.

He expected this. It's exactly what he was met with this morning and again this afternoon when he had to take off. He doesn't want anyone to suspect how awkward things are between him and his wife though so he smirks, "Then why they hell did you interrupt?"

"Sorry, Jackie." Chibs passes him a shot of Jameson. "We need to talk about the guns."

This really was the last thing the young president wanted to discuss. It was more of the same old, same old. How was he going to get the guns handed off to anyone without deadly consequences on the Sons'? With Tara out, he needs to come up with a plan. He has to turn them completely legit so his children aren't living in the shadow of this. He shudders as he downs the shot, thinking of Tara's ultimatum before she was arrested. Oregon is no longer an option, he has to believe that he can provide a safe life for her here, to somehow make her happy. Their family depends on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He's disappointed as hell when he comes home to a quiet and dark house. What's worse is that he feels as though he has already let Tara down by not keeping his word and it's only her first day out. He told her he'd make it home and didn't. Taking off his kutte in the entryway, he feels every ounce of it weighing on him. "Babe?" He calls softly down the hallway, hoping she's still awake. No matter, he would gladly wake her up, he smiles to himself. Their bedroom door is cracked and he gently pushes it open to find only an empty, freshly made bed. What the hell? "Tara?" He calls softly, again no response. He checks the pack and play to find it empty and heads to the bathroom entrance off their bedroom, still no sight of his wife, even though he can smell her soap. He relishes in the scent, thinking of the lonely months he went without it. In the hallway, he notes Abel's closed door and Thomas' cracked door. Taking his chances, he pushes Thomas' door softly and finds his wife. She's sound asleep on the futon with Olivia curled in her arms. It's not the sight he was hoping for but damn, it sure brings an instant grin to his face. He peeks in on Thomas before kneeling by his sleeping girls. Tara stirs as he pushes back her bangs. Her hair has never been this long before and he would bet she was chomping at the bit to get it cut and styled. "Babe?" He whispers. Her questioning murmur immediately makes his cock jerk. Add that sound to the thousands of things he's missed about her. "I'm home."

"I saved you dinner." She whispers, still not opening those beautiful hazel eyes.

_He didn't want dinner. He wanted her_. "Thanks, babe." He chooses to say instead. "I'll grab Liv." He wasn't looking forward to it. The little turkey woke up every time he tried to put her down somewhere.

"Don't." She stretches and he groans. "We're comfortable here." She hasn't opened her eyes but he can see how her sleepy face now has tense lines on her forehead.

"You'll be more comfortable in a real bed, Tara." He tries to control his voice but his words sound gravely and harsh to his own ears. Was she that desperate to avoid him that she'd willingly sleep on floors and futons? After two years in county, she should be demanding comfort.

"Okay." She opens her eyes with that. "I'll put her down." She still didn't seem that eager to move. He backs up and watches as she carries Olivia out. He completely shuts off Thomas' night light and shuts his door softly. He watches his wife's ass sway as she enters their bedroom. As Tara leans over the pack and play, Olivia's cries are like ice water on her father's libido. "Hey, it's okay." Tara rubs the baby's chest. It's useless as she continues to wail. Jax knows from experience the last two weeks that he had with her, she won't stop.

"She's not going to stop." He sighs.

"I'm sorry." Tara replies, sounding completely unapologetic as she picks her up. The little diva stops crying immediately. Jax doesn't reply, his set jaw alone demonstrating his frustration. "I told you she was comfortable on the futon."

"Just…." Jax sighs, taking his shirt off. "Bring her to bed with us." _This night was not turning out as he hoped._

It's exactly what Tara wanted but she's unable to feel the relief she's anticipated because she's too busy admiring the sight of her bare-chested husband. Getting out of this life was going to be near impossible. Olivia sniffles and she borrows closer to her mother's breast. The act is enough to wake Tara up in more ways than one. She avoids Jax's gaze as she gets into what was always her side of the bed. Part of her wants to turn away from him but that would have her vulnerable to him during the night so she keeps Olivia in her arms facing his side. His jeans hit the floor and her breath catches. God, she had to get herself under control. Their baby was right there for crying out loud. As he lifts the covers on his side of the bed, she reminds him, "Your dinner is in the microwave."


End file.
